Adoption

kayakr · #1 August 18th, 2011, 08:14 AM

Hi Ladies! At what point would you consider adoption? All of this IVF CISI crazy stuff is scary me to death. I almost feel we should just go right to adoption. Will I regret though that I didn't do everything I could to have another biological child first though? I don't know...

I know adoption has it's own set of heartbreak as well. Sometimes I feel like I am just not cut out for all of this. I am cut out for being a momma though! That is my most favorite job of all, being a mom.

I suppose I am a little sad today for some reason.

This crazy journey is consuming my life..... Is it suppose to? I just want another kid. Is it to much to ask for? It's all I have ever wanted from the day I gave birth to my DS 13 years ago.

Tomorrow will be a better day!

*SamF* · #2 August 18th, 2011, 08:44 AM

It consumes me too, it's hard to try to not let it.

For us I don't think we will pursue adoption, I'm not against it, but I don't know if DH is on board with it. We have DS and he is perfect and I'm just trying to resigning myself to the fact that if it doesn't happen for us, for #2, we do have him.
I went through the adoption process with my ex. It was hard, especially since he refused to go the private route because of the $$ involved. Going through the state was almost as heartbreaking as the whole TTC/TTCAL/TTCMA journey I've been on for the last several years. I'm also worried that because of our age, we would not be selected in a private adoption, so many BM's want the young perfect/childless couple.

It's a really hard decision to make. One that counseling with you and your DH might help so you can make sure you really are all laying your feelings out on the table.

kayakr · #3 August 18th, 2011, 11:26 AM

Yes - I worry about the fact that I am 41 and a BM may not pick me just because of that. I know a teenage girl would like a 41 year old like more of a grandma...then a mother of their baby. UGH! So depressing!

DH feels we should just go private adoption route and not subject ourselves to the heartbreak through the state. Then we can just continue to TTC on our own without an RE or just minor stuff from the RE like clomid and such, but not the whole IUI and IVF.

Now tomorrow I'll be all for IVF and so will DH. This is an emotional rollercoaster to say the least.

GG1995 · #4 August 18th, 2011, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *SamF*

It consumes me too, it's hard to try to not let it.

For us I don't think we will pursue adoption, I'm not against it, but I don't know if DH is on board with it. We have DS and he is perfect and I'm just trying to resigning myself to the fact that if it doesn't happen for us, for #2, we do have him.

I have to agree with Sam. Everything she said in the above quote is EXACTLY how I feel.

pepper73 · #5 August 18th, 2011, 12:16 PM

I'm sorry you're having such a rough day! It is totally normal and you are absolutely entitled to it! I think I will go the adoption route if nothing else works. I need to have at least one child and will stop at nothing to get that chance of being a mother. I agree with Sam that counseling with your DH would really help you both sort out what you both want and the best way to attain it.

I hope that tomorrow is brighter for you!

kayakr · #6 August 18th, 2011, 12:33 PM

Thanks Ladies - it sure is nice having a place to vent with people that understand.

We are TTC our first together. My DS is from my first marriage (oops wrong guy).

MY DH doesn't have DS/DD of his own. I think if we had one of our own we would probably just be grateful for the one we had. I still am...BTW super grateful for my DS.

Pepper73 - I hope you get your first one soon. There isn't anything like it and you shouldn't stop at anything!!!! It will happen for you...just keep trying.

Some Counseling probably wouldn't be a bad idea.

MomtoKatieB · #7 August 18th, 2011, 06:44 PM

How would you feel about a high risk adoption, where the baby had special needs or due to lack of prenatal care might have special needs? Just asking because I met a lovely couple a few weeks back whose son is starting kindergarten. Dad is in his early 50s and Mom is not much younger and K's mom told me he was a high risk foster to adopt placement here in NC. I am content with my Katie, but if we added to our family, we would opt for adoption.

kayakr · #8 August 19th, 2011, 06:15 AM

Well right now I think we are just dealing with the realization of our infertility.

If we go the adoption route, I really wouldn't care either way if it was a boy/girl/sick/special needs or healthy. Of course I hate to see any little poo be sick in any way so I would hope if a Birth Parents pick me the baby would be healthy. If it wasn't, I wouldn't care, I would welcome and love it just the same as my own child.

Jen71 · #9 August 21st, 2011, 11:39 AM

I work with kids with special needs. One day about a year or so ago, I was watching a family through a two way mirror and the little girl was, I assume, adopted from India, and throwing a massive horrendous fit. Something reached inside me and squeezed me and I practically started crying because I KNEW at that moment that I would love to adopt.

However, right now we live in a rather tiny house and have very limited financial resources. I don't think it would be realistic. I think we would qualify for a foster-adopt situation, however I do see that worst case scenarios at my work of the state that kids can be in when exposed to drugs and alcohol, or even with reactive attachment disorder. It is really really rough. Even with that, I feel like I'd be a great mom to someone with just such needs. Maybe someday.

MarieJ · #10 August 21st, 2011, 05:00 PM

I did both, had two bios and adopted three sibs in btwn those two pregnancies. Do you want another child or do you want to be pg again? Will you be okay if you don't get pg within the next five years? Both of you have to be onboard either way.

kayakr · #11 August 22nd, 2011, 08:44 AM

Marie - that is a good questions and something I haven't really asked myself. I most def want another kid. Now I have to decide if it's the kid and pregnancy I want or just the kid.
If it's just the kid then I can skip all of this dr appointments and drugs and go adoption route and get my little poo bear.

I am glad you brought that point up and I really appreciate it. I wont have the option of getting pregnant to much longer since I am 41. heck, it appears I don't really have the option now unless I want to drop tons of money. I think I'd rather drop tons of money on adoption and mourn my infertility and move on being the best mommy I can be to my adopted DS/DH.

MarieJ · #12 August 22nd, 2011, 11:01 AM

These are important questions to ask as an older mom I think. Are they giving you any good stats for IVF? Are you paying out of pocket? Adoption is tough emotionally, but so are seeing failed cycles and bfns. ((hugs))