[Merry Robin]

We have been married for almost two years, and we have not used birth control since we have been together. I was concern about my age, but thought we at least had a few more years. I really want children, and he is a willing participant. If he doesn't have children, he will not be disappointed. (That's as a good as it gets with men, right?)

My husband was diagnosed with leukemia in February and had his first treatment of chemo in August. I knew this would postpone my desires to have a child, but keeping him alive has been my first priority. I just found out surfing the internet that a man should wait two years after chemo to have a child. I thought sperm was produced everyday, why so long? My husband will continue having chemotherapy for the rest of his life (not continuous, only when the WBC count goes over 10,000). I'm annoyed that no one mentioned before hand that this would put an end to having children, but what alternative did we have anyways?

I have an appointment with a fertility specialist for the first time this month. What are things I should ask? She did mention Clomid, and I mentioned the chemo, but what more should I know or ask? My husband has mention a sperm donation before, but I didn't think we would have to do this. If this is what we do, how much time do I have to safely conceive and have a baby? What are concerns? I am overweight with the an Apple shaped body, B/P is normal, blood sugar runs around 80, and my triglycerides are high, but not medicated.

Thank you for reading and responding.

[kayakr]

Hi Merry,
Good luck to you and your husband. I hope he stays healthy for as long as possible.
I am sorry but I do not have any answers for you. The only thing I can say is I understand the panic you feel.

I am 41 and my husband sperm doesn't function normally and it's not cause of Chemo or anything else. He was "just born" that way. If we would have known that we would have started to try much much sooner.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope this board and the women on it can give you some kind of comfort like they have me.

Big Big hugs !!!! I hope you get your baby soon.

[pepper73]

Hi and My name is Sarah and I'm 37 (38 tomorrow...ugh!). My BF and I are TTC our first after a loss in February. Luckily I found JM right after that and have developed a mild addiction to the site. This is a great board with TONS of support and I hope you enjoy it here as much as I have.

First of all, it sounds like you and your DH have gone through a lot lately. I can't imagine what a toll that must have taken (and still does) on you both. I hope that the chemo does its job and helps your DH get healthy again.

I don't have all of the answers, but I will try to answer some of them. As for waiting 2 years to TTC after chemo, my guess (and it's just a guess) would be that the medication is so strong that it may affect the sperm in such a way that it could cause birth defects and/or infertility. This would be something that you'd want to discuss with both your RE and your DH's oncologist. Yes, men produce sperm their entire lives, but it's not like they're born with it and it lasts that long. They are constantly producing sperm and outside influences can definitely affect the little swimmers as they're being created. I hope that made sense.

I just started fertility testing myself and to start off, they checked my progesterone, thyroid, and prolactin on CD 25. I guess these tests were to determine that I ovulated and to check my post-ovulation hormones. I also had what they call a Clomid challenge test. On CD 3, they tested my FSH and estradiol (I think that's just another word for estrogen), I took Clomid from CD 5-CD 9 and then they tested those hormones again on CD 10. If I don't get a BFP this cycle, I will have my BF's sperm tested and if that is normal, the next step for me would be an HSG and that is more invasive. I'm pretty sure that those blood tests would be a starting point for fertility testing.

Are you charting your cycles at all? I think it really helps to figure out what your body is up to. I personally thing the best combination is with your BBT (where you take your temperature with a special thermometer every morning before you get up) and using OPK's. The BBT will help you confirm that you ovulated and the OPK's help predict when ovulation will occur.

Other things you can do to prepare before you even get pregnant is to start taking prenatal vitamins (make sure you get lots of folic acid), cut back on caffeine, quit smoking (if that applies), and eat as healthy as possible.

I know how you feel being at an "advanced maternal age" myself. But, I assure you, there is still time to conceive. There are women on JM who have gotten pregnant and had babies well into their 40's. So, it will happen!!

When I first started my testing, Becky on this board gave me a list of questions to ask. I will find that post and paste it in this thread so that you can use the list too.

We are all here for you. Please keep us posted on how you and your DH are doing!

[pepper73]

Hi again!! I found that post from Becky. Hopefully these questions for your doctor are useful to you. They definitely helped me!

Originally Posted by BeckyM

Okay, I’ve searched everywhere, but can’t find my original list, so I’ve tried to recreate it.

Questions for doctor:

Do they deliver babies? As I indicated in an earlier post, some docs here are GYN only and don’t deliver.

What hospital to they have privileges at? (where would you be delivering?) This may not be an issue where you live, but here there are several hospitals and I did not want to use a few of them.

Would you be at risk for any problems? Would you be considered a high risk pg when I get pg? And Do you need to take any specific precautions? Your age alone is not always an indicator, but be prepared for them to have AMA (Advanced Maternal Age) on your file and make comments about it. I was considered high risk, but also was overweight (considered obese since my BMI was high ), but also since I have PCOS, am insulin resistant and used fertility treatments to get pg.

Medications - Are all the meds you currently take safe? If not, what can you do or take instead? – take a list of all you take (including over the counter). Also include the vitamins.

Physical Activity – Ask about recommendations. This will vary for each of us, depending on how much we currently do, and if we have physical limitations. My docs strongly encouraged me to walk as much as possible, that it would get blood flowing, increase circulation and is an easy exercise for most people to do (and I continued that throughout the pg too).

Research ahead of time, write things down & keep all these notes handy and/or bring with you:

Fertility Friend Charts and all other notes you have on your cycles before you started using FF. Like Dara says it’s always best to have too much info.

Immunizations – think back when you had them, and write all this down, when you got them, if you’ve had a booster (if needed), etc. Some of them (measles stands out particularly in my mind) may need to be updated (booster shot), and if you do require a booster you may have to delay TTC for a few months.  I know we never like to hear that.

Medications – write all these down that you regularly take, and also the ones you don’t have to take all them time. For instance, I get seasonal allergies but it hits me hardest at the end of fall and then the spring so I discussed the allergy meds with my docs as well even though I didn’t take them daily.

Comfort - after the appointment, see how comfortable you feel with the doctor and staff. While in the waiting room, see how the staff treats the waiting patients. The receptionist at my OB's office is who sold me on using this doctor. She was amazing, friendly, greeted all the patients by name, and made you feel welcome. Once you get pg, you will spend alot of time in that waiting room, so the staff is just as important to me as the doctor.

Good luck sweetie!!! I know i had a few more, but can't remember them all right now. If I think of anymore, I'll post them for you.

[*SamF*]

Hi! I'm so sorry I missed this before. Welcome to the board!

Btw, I'm Sam (40) and finally expecting #2. Looks like Sara has you covered!

[Merry Robin]

Thank you Kayakr! Its hard sometimes because I have been told so many times that wanting children is so anti liberated and antiquated. Its nice to voice my desires without being shunned.

And thanks SamF for the warm welcomed! Congratulations to you on your first and second on the way. After working with children in State care, its always warms my heart to see children wanted and loved.

Wow, Sara! You are really informed. At least I have something to ask my new OBGYN.

I had a nurse practitioner suspected that I might have Polycystic ovary syndrome when I was in my early twenties, but the few tests she ran in 1995 did not show anything out of the norm. She did convinced me to start taking the pill to regulate my irregular period.

In the next ten years I have been going to school, working and being single for many years and I purposely put having children out of my mind since I was not in a relationship. In 2005 I had another doctor suspect that I had PCOS, but nothing confirmed.

We got married in late 2009 and in the first few months I bought tons of ovulation kits to keep track of my ovulation. I took them day after day (since I had an irregular period) and after a few months of using a ovulation stick daily, I never saw the strip indicating I was ovulating. I started to wonder if it was the test strips that were not accurate (they are a reliable brand) but I think the more logical problem is me, and not the strips.

My new doctor said Clomid can help with PCOS. I knew about my infertility for years, but knowing my husband shouldn't have children makes me feel like the Universe is against me. But one problem at a time, first deal with making me able and second deal with when my husband is able.
Thank you for you response,
Merry Robin

[kayakr]

Merry,
I am not expert, but you can still have babies with all of these issues! I will tell you though you don't have time to spare. I am 41 and just started the process and want to kick myself daily for waiting. The quality of our eggs start dropping dramatically in from 35 on...specially in the 40's.

Make your appointment, get referred to a specialist if you have to and get started. Your husband will probably need a Semon Analysis as well. Don't waste anytime. If your husband's sperm is good now they can take some of it and freeze it for later. If it's not good, they can do other things to help him while they are getting you ready as well. K? You have time, so don't panic, but you need to get started!

If there is anything I can help with, please let me know and good luck.

Gretchen

[JessicaW]

Hi Merry,

I'm so glad you posted, and I want to recognize the fantastic input the ladies here have already given you. If I were in your position, I would do the following:

1. Get a semen analysis for your husband. This will give you a sense of where you're starting from. It's possible that his swimmers are stars even with the chemo.

2. Talk to your RE about if and when your husband can start TTCing. RE's often have a lot of experience with cancer survivors because this segment of the population so often needs infertility help. If the RE thinks he can TTC, ask for a specific date when you can start BDing. Also, you want to see the best RE possible, so consider a university hospital if you have one in your area.

3. Have a full fertility work-up for yourself. This includes blood work for LH, FSH, TSH, prolactin, estradiol, AMH, progesterone, SHBG, free testosterone, glucose, insulin and a variety of other hormones, and also an ultrasound of your uterus and ovaries - all this should take about 20 minutes. The tests and knowledge of PCOS has improved a lot since 1995. If I had to call it, I would say you do have PCOS. I suspect this on the basis of your irregular menstrual cycles, weight and apple shape.

4. Try metformin. Even if your DH is not ready to TTC, you should see if metformin helps regulate your likely insulin resistance and restores your cycles. It takes metformin up to 3 months to work fully, so you might as well start now. You may also want to try a low-carb diet. If you lose weight, great, but even if you don't, a low-carb diet may help regulate your cycles.

5. Once you are ready to TTC, try clomid. You can take this in conjunction with the metformin. 80 percent of women ovulate on Clomid. My sister conceived with clomid at 39.

Also, it sounds like you and your DH might be good candidates for IVF. If you do IVF with ICSI, you only need one good sperm to make it happen. The longer you wait, the older your eggs get, so it may make sense to do IVF now rather than doing it the natural way in two years.

Good luck with your appointment next month. You are doing the right thing getting educated about the options. Loads of luck to you and your DH!!

[Merry Robin]

Thank you Jessica. I am going to print this out and bring it with me. I'm glad I found this site on my google search.

[BeckyM]

I'm late in responding, but also wanted to say I'm Becky (37), DH is Tony (will be 38 shortly). We are not currently TTC, but I stick around anyway to offer my input & help cheer everyone on. I haven't dealt with chemo, so please check with your RE and DH's oncologist for answers to that. DH & I found out after a year of TTC that we were dealing with severe MFI, DH had zero spermies. We chose the donor sperm route to finally get our beautiful son.

As far as the rest, here's my input.

PCOS - I have that and agree completely with Jessica's recommendations on metformin & some diet changes. I noticed a difference almost immediately with metformin and I actually started having regular cycles and ovulating at a pretty decent timeframe. I ovulated with metformin alone. When I took clomid along with the metformin, I ovulated earlier in my cycle so they worked perfectly together for me.

Charting & all the other tips - Sarah gave great info on all of this. I charted when we were TTC, and I to thoroughly recommend it. It was the only way I could track my cycles, they were very erratic and long and I had several where I never did O. OPKs, they never worked consistently for me, and I found out that they don't always work for ladies with PCOS.

Good luck & I hope you get some answers soon. Keep us posted!!