[babysam]

Hi Everyone-

I have never posted on this board, but I've been on JM since before I had my first baby (who is now 4). I'm in this weird limbo and I thought that maybe you girls could give me your opinion and advice.

My DS is 4 and my DD is 2. I am getting ready to turn 35 in February. My husband has said that he would like to be done having children, but recently said that he would consider having a third. I tried to give up the idea of having a third, going so far as to sell most of our clothes, but I just can't seem to let the idea go. When my husband said he could maybe consider having a third (he's at about 30% right now) I found myself getting sooooo excited. To me, that's kind of a sign that I want a third. But, because I'm a giant worrier, I can't just be happy and jump in. I have some concerns....

My husband and I both work full time out of the home. Can we give enough to the kids that we have if we add another? My DH and I have both had to learn to be patient parents...It does NOT come naturally. When I had both of my kids, I was clear that if either had Downs or some other condition, it would not matter at all. But now I kind of feel like I might be pushing my luck, since we were blessed with two healthy children.....I don't care about the Downs so much as many of the health problems that can come along with it.
Finally, I'm worried about the jump from 2 to 3. Some people say it's easy and others say it pushed them over the edge.

Do you girls have any thoughts that might help me in making a decision? We'd likely start TTC in 2012 and I could be 36 or 37 when I had the baby. Did anyone have serious concerns about birth defects before TTC? Has anyone made the jump from 2 to 3?

Thanks for any insight you can give me!

Shannon

[sleepinangel]

Hi and welcome. I’m Amy, 38 and my DH, Jay 40, are currently TTC #2. I can’t answer too many of your questions, but just wanted to share a little of my story. Our DS will be 14yo next week. We LOVE and ADORE our DS, but like you parenting did not come naturally to us and we are both career minded individuals, so we never really thought about or talked about having a second child. Then about a year ago my DH asked why we never considered having a second child which started this huge desire for both of us to have more children. And now with being older and the years and years of birth control I was on it’s not easy getting pregnant and the more time passes the risk factors for Down’s and other birth defects increase, but for me it’s not an issue.

Anyway, just wanted to really say I think if you have that desire you won’t regret having another child but if you talk yourself out of another child you will probably have regrets and “what if’s” the rest of your life. I know my DH are doing it now…

Hope this makes sense and helps

[LauraTTCat42]

Hi Shannon and welcome

I am Laura 42 and DH will be 42 in 2 months. I also cannot answer too many of your questions, but thought I would share where we are with TTC. We are TTC my #3 (I have 2 from my previous marriage) and trying for DH's #1.

Having a 3rd child was not something that I had put much thought to after my divorce. But when I remarried and DH and I spoke about him not having any children we spoke about us TTC for 1 together. In Sept this year we made our final decision to TTC.

We both work full time jobs but that had no effect on our decision to TTC, I would continue to work after baby is born. We both have concerns about Downs so we have both been taking a Folic Acid Forte that will hopefully help reduce the risk. I had DD when I was 37 and she is perfect (a brat but perfect).

Love is an amazing thing especially when it comes to children. When I had DS I questioned if I could love another child equally, and I do, and I appreciate my son more (that's a tough one to explain).

Please keep in touch and I wish you strength in your decision. GL!

[BeckyM]

Shannon! The other ladies have given great advice, and I don't have much to add. We are currently waiting while we decide it we will TTC #2. I was 35 pg with DS (turned 36 a few weeks after he was born) and I had a fairly uneventful pg. I also work full time and worked up to 2 days before I went into labor. (Was off that Friday, labor began Saturday morning.) I also went back to work full time after DS was born, and it's working out great. We have not yet decided it we will TTC again, we are strongly leaning towards it. Working full time, and not even my age (I'll be 38) is not a factor in our decision.

Good luck to you. This decision is not easy to any of us. I look forward to getting to know you!

[*SamF*]

Welcome!!

I'm Sam (40 almost 41) and DH is Jim (41). We had to battle reoccurring miscarriages- possibly due to chromosomal issues. But with help. I gave birth to DS in 2010 at 39 and am now expecting a healthy little girl in May. (I'll be 41).
My chromosomal issue were never confirmed through any genetic testing on me, but I did lose a baby to trisomy 18 last year.
If you are really concerned about it, ask to be referred to a genetic counselor who can give you more info on your risks!

[babysam]

Thank you all for the really great encouragement and words of advice. We're not ready to TTC today, but I have a feeling that if we just "sit on it," it will all become clear. I couldn't imagine my life without either one of my kids and I'm sure I would feel the same way about a third (if we pull the trigger). Good luck to you that are TTC and I hope you don't mind if I hang around until we make a decision, one way or the other.

[BeckyM]

Please feel free to hang around with us here. There are a few of us (me included) who are not actively TTC right now, but we cheer each other on & provide much needed support. Good luck to you & I look forward to getting to know you!!

[DawnVH]

I feel like we are in a similar situation! I am 35 and will be 36 in february. I have a 2 year old (today is his birthday) and a 6 month old (today is her HALF birthday!) and we are trying to conceive #3. My husband wasn't sure about having 3 as we have a 2 bedroom house and the two currently share a room. (we are finishing our basement and attic for extra room so eventually all will work well!) Today I checked my ovulation prediction kit and TODAY IS THE DAY! I asked my husband if he's on board and we're going to try. The feeling for me is that I am really excited even though he's scared to death on things like, "Where's the room? where's the money? etc etc" When we KNOW things will work out fine! I think for you, well. at least for ME....I don't feel our family is complete yet. THat's why I'm excited about a #3. My husband has the same concerns about defects, but more concerned about MULTIPLES> I'm a twin and twins run in my family. my mom was 39 when she had us. At any rate.....it's natural to feel unsure and scared etc. But...we aren't getting any younger and the risks go up every year. But we'll deal with them! Do you have enough love to share with a new baby? You bet you do. Will it be chaotic? You bet it will. But that's what it's like to have a family and be a mom right? And we will be all the more blessed too