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Family & Friends...To Tell OR Not To Tell That You're TTCing...


Forum: Trying to Conceive Older Members

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  • 1 Post By Celine
  • 1 Post By Shelz@_@
  • 1 Post By IBelieveInAngels
  • 1 Post By missy123

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  #1  
January 25th, 2013, 09:08 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 140
Just wondering if you ladies tell your family/friends you're TTCing, or keeping hush...AND, how do people react when you tell them...? I'm just wondering...I've told two people who 1)aren't on Facebook, so I know it won't get told to my online world and 2) don't know each other and don't even hang in the same circles...I don't really have much blood family around anymore, and my DH's "family"---well, let's just say we don't talk to them much about anything, and it's just more peaceful that way.

I found (and am so happy) this site and group so I can have a place to talk about this journey...but for others, how did you do/say things? Just wondering...I guess I just don't feel like hearing another 'well meaning' person ask "Aren't you afraid of your baby having (fill in the blank) because you're so old?"

SIGH

Thank you
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  #2  
January 25th, 2013, 09:39 AM
Laurenj915's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: South Florida
Posts: 2,747
I think it is great that you have told a couple of friends.

When we went through infertility for a couple of years with my son I did not tell anyone, not my best friend, not my mom. It was a terrible time in my life and I didn't reach out for support. Yes, i have DH but he doesn't totally get how upset I am when the witch shows or when I have to get another invasive proceedure at the RE.

This time I tell people.

With my friends and family I am just open and honest about it. I think it makes me feel better. If i am hiding it I feel like it's something to be ashamed of or something is wrong with me. Also, I am really really sad sometimes and i want them to be understanding.

As for random people who ask me if I am trying, or why we havent had another or dont we want Sawyer to have a sibling. I try make them just as unconfortable as they make me by asking those questions. I start talking about how we are dealing with infertility and how much is costs and so on. Lol

As for people saying something about your age... I can't even imagine someone being such a jerk.
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Last edited by Laurenj915; January 25th, 2013 at 09:46 AM.
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  #3  
January 25th, 2013, 09:46 AM
Shelz@_@
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I have told my family years ago.. but wish I didnt cause now they ask all time and i have to keep say no..
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  #4  
January 25th, 2013, 09:55 AM
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I've told a couple of friends, but only the ones I know who won't say anything about it to anyone else. I haven't told any family because I don't want people asking how it's going. It's been 9 cycles so I would say it's not going so well & I don't want to talk to people about that.

No one would say any age stuff I don't think because I have quite a few friends who had babies at 40 and my Grandma actually had her last kid at 45.
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  #5  
January 25th, 2013, 10:26 AM
Celine's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 2,242
I don't tell anybody that I am close to that we are ttc. I have told a few women I know casually but don't have a close relationship with. My main support is JM and DH.

I have found my real friends and family are very judgmental. They ask when we will have another baby, but I just pretend I didn't hear the question or just smile as the answer. I was also told I shouldn't have any more children. One is enough.
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  #6  
January 25th, 2013, 02:34 PM
Pray, then pray some more
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2,072
I have told a close friend and my mother and that's all. I worry about how people will react with me being close to 41.
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  #7  
January 25th, 2013, 04:54 PM
Shelz@_@
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I keep getting told Im to old and maybe we should call.. it stupid people lol
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  #8  
January 27th, 2013, 10:00 PM
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Location: uk
Posts: 981
iv told 2 close friends they have both be great about it. but no family .my mother isnt very child friendly her reaction last time i was pregnant with ellie 4 years ago was very bad but she had cancer at the time we didnt know < she told me i had enough kids to get rid of her !! which killed me inside , she loves her to dealth now tho and she was over the moon when i was 20 weeks and found i were having a girl.but because of that reaction i wont be telling her till i have too when i do full pregnant .
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I am 39 and DH is 40, we have 5 kids

George 15

Lexie 14

Lenny 11

Billy 7

Ellie 3

Trying for number 6 but will be number one with DH

DH Kids

Andrew 20

Holly 18

Amelia 4
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  #9  
January 28th, 2013, 04:42 AM
Celine's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh Vicky, what a terrible reaction and then to top it off from your mom. Sorry.

I totally understand not telling the family. They know us best and their responses hurt the most if they are negative. Thank goodness for JM.
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  #10  
January 30th, 2013, 12:45 AM
Shelz@_@
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that is awful hun.. were gonna wait as well
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  #11  
January 30th, 2013, 03:22 AM
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thank girls. my mum is def a one of ,lucky im used to her ,she says what she thinks with out thought for others feelings ,but thats just her. so i will keep quite till im to fat to hide it next time .i got dh some great close friends and you girls on jm ,
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I am 39 and DH is 40, we have 5 kids

George 15

Lexie 14

Lenny 11

Billy 7

Ellie 3

Trying for number 6 but will be number one with DH

DH Kids

Andrew 20

Holly 18

Amelia 4
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  #12  
January 30th, 2013, 04:29 AM
LauraTTCat42's Avatar Proud Host TTC-OM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: South Africa
Posts: 1,529
I'm not going to tell family, they can see pics of the baby on FB and ask who's baby it is, then I'll tell them it's ours, LOL

Only a couple of very close friends know we are TTC and they are supportive of our decision
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  #13  
January 30th, 2013, 10:16 AM
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Fb does come in handy for pics lol . My mum hates tattoos so when I get one I'm gonna post it on fb just to up set her lol . I'm glad you got some great friends who can be there for you too laura
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http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3e6a29

I am 39 and DH is 40, we have 5 kids

George 15

Lexie 14

Lenny 11

Billy 7

Ellie 3

Trying for number 6 but will be number one with DH

DH Kids

Andrew 20

Holly 18

Amelia 4
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  #14  
January 31st, 2013, 07:01 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 140
VICKY!!!!!--GAWD---and from YOUR MOTHER?!?!? Holey jeezus!!! I think that's one of the WORST reactions I've ever heard...and from a mom...

Wow ladies---your replies have run a gamut--not saying anything bad about any of you, just the reactions from others that I'm just scratching my head, stil wondering why this topic can't get the love and support it DESERVES.

DH and I were going to really 'try' last year in January...and then his company announced mass layoffs, so we said 'ok, we'll wait'...he was spared by the grace of God, but it put a new spin on his career---he works out of state 20 days a month and is home anywhere from 4-8 days. No problem--he and I are both Navy vets, used to separation---and we are so grateful a 12 year career at the same company wasn't finished. So, this year, we 'didn't try/didn't prevent'---and in the middle of things, one of my DH's sisters got pregnant. When I say I'm SO happy for her--I TRULY mean it--she's had infertility issues BIGTIME, and suffered a miscarriage last year...so when she announced she was pregnant, to be honest, I'm probably more excited about her baby than people related to her, which is kind of sad. DH's/SIL's parents are the kind who preach to anyone/everyone when it comes to kids, "You only need ONE!!!" But as for me, between the age thing (and yes, some/MANY people ARE jerks about that!) and SIL being pregnant and the LAST thing I want tossed at me 'oh you're trying to steal her thunder' (which is NOT remotely the case)---I think I'm going to keep my trap shut.
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Last edited by IBelieveInAngels; January 31st, 2013 at 07:44 AM.
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  #15  
February 1st, 2013, 07:42 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
I ended up being selective towards the end who I spoke to about us TTC. After our 4th miscarriage and 2 years of TTC everyone kind of gave up on us having a baby. My friends started to feel uncomfortable when I would bring it up (because they did not understand, not that they did not support me). My one rock (besides all the girls here!) was my mother in law Martha. She never said a bad thing, only gave me tons of love and support.

When I got pregnant with Scarlett (age 42) and we got to the 12 week mark I made an announcement on Facebook. My mother got on there and told me to get an abortion, that the baby would be deformed, that we could not afford a baby and attacked all my friends online that supported me. It was so horrifying to me that my own mother acted this way and in a public forum like that. It has strained our relationship to the point where we hardly speak anymore. She did come to Scarlett's 1st birthday party and said "I am shocked she doesn't have disabilities".

If you are looking for the support of your friends and family you may be surprised as to who backs you up and who doesn't. ((hugs)) I am glad you found JM too - It is a great place!
vickyblueeyes likes this.
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #16  
February 4th, 2013, 07:50 AM
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Posts: 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by missy123 View Post

When I got pregnant with Scarlett (age 42) and we got to the 12 week mark I made an announcement on Facebook. My mother got on there and told me to get an abortion, that the baby would be deformed, that we could not afford a baby and attacked all my friends online that supported me. It was so horrifying to me that my own mother acted this way and in a public forum like that. It has strained our relationship to the point where we hardly speak anymore. She did come to Scarlett's 1st birthday party and said "I am shocked she doesn't have disabilities".
OHMYMUTHERF***INGLORDY!!!!!!! My friend my friend!!! WTH is WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!? And on FB!!!! I don't get it people....am I just stupid or something???? I*JUST*DO*NOT*GET*IT!!!!

Was she jealous....?

I LOVE the name Scarlett


Ladies, I appreciate ALL of you just that much more now....WOW...
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  #17  
February 4th, 2013, 12:30 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
Posts: 13,417
Yeah, she is pretty nuts!

Don't give up on your dream... Don't let others discourage you. We got your back here
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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