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  • 2 Post By auscgguysgirl

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  #1  
February 1st, 2013, 11:27 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3
I’m new here, but not new to forums.
Just looking for a bit of reassurance (maybe) and insight.

Just a little background …

My DH and I have been together for 12 yrs. We both have kids, all older. I have 3 girls (19, 17, 15) and twin boys (16) and he has 2 boys (19, 15) and 1 girl (13).

We’ve always talked about having an “ours” but never really made the decision to take the step. We have custody of all 3 of my DH’s kids, at different stages. His x is crazy & has wreaked havoc on all of us over the years and we cannot seem to get away from her (a whole other story). The first being his 15 yr old son when he was 7. He suffered a lot of abuse from his mom and were always in/out of therapy & dealing w/ emotional issues and violent outbursts – having another never seemed to be the right thing to do.

We started talking about it again about 2 yrs ago when his daughter started pushing us to have a baby … but nothing more than a bit of joking around. This started again around this past fall. It’s time for my Mirena to be removed and he simply has made multiple comments to just “leave it out”. BC pills make me sick and I got pregnant w/ my last not only being on the pill, but 8 wks on depo.

Fast forward to now … we lost my 15 yr old step son in December. Since then, it has kinda come up more often and we’ve discussed it quite in depth. We both know that having another will not bring him back – and this was not our intention, but it feels more right now, than ever. The few people that I have mentioned our thoughts to, whom I thought would tell me I’ve lost my mind to have another at 43, w/ 8 kids already and the youngest being 5 yrs from being out of the house … have all said they think it’s great.

I’m healthier now than I was in my 20/30s. I don’t smoke. I’m 65 lbs lighter. I eat healthy and workout several days a week.

We have decided not to go to any extraordinary measures … I’m simply planning to have my IUD removed and see what happens. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

I’m not so much worried about starting over … as I am worried about my age and complications.

HAVE I LOST MY MIND?
missy123 and LauraTTCat42 like this.
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  #2  
February 1st, 2013, 01:50 PM
Pray, then pray some more
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,982
No baby girl you are not. I'll soon be 41 and am kinda in your shoes. Best of luck to you and I hope you are successful!!! Welcome to the group, I'm new also!
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My Ovulation Chart


So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. 1 Peter 1:6-7

Rae


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  #3  
February 1st, 2013, 10:45 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 958
Quote:
Originally Posted by auscgguysgirl View Post
I’m new here, but not new to forums.
Just looking for a bit of reassurance (maybe) and insight.

Just a little background …

My DH and I have been together for 12 yrs. We both have kids, all older. I have 3 girls (19, 17, 15) and twin boys (16) and he has 2 boys (19, 15) and 1 girl (13).

We’ve always talked about having an “ours” but never really made the decision to take the step. We have custody of all 3 of my DH’s kids, at different stages. His x is crazy & has wreaked havoc on all of us over the years and we cannot seem to get away from her (a whole other story). The first being his 15 yr old son when he was 7. He suffered a lot of abuse from his mom and were always in/out of therapy & dealing w/ emotional issues and violent outbursts – having another never seemed to be the right thing to do.

We started talking about it again about 2 yrs ago when his daughter started pushing us to have a baby … but nothing more than a bit of joking around. This started again around this past fall. It’s time for my Mirena to be removed and he simply has made multiple comments to just “leave it out”. BC pills make me sick and I got pregnant w/ my last not only being on the pill, but 8 wks on depo.

Fast forward to now … we lost my 15 yr old step son in December. Since then, it has kinda come up more often and we’ve discussed it quite in depth. We both know that having another will not bring him back – and this was not our intention, but it feels more right now, than ever. The few people that I have mentioned our thoughts to, whom I thought would tell me I’ve lost my mind to have another at 43, w/ 8 kids already and the youngest being 5 yrs from being out of the house … have all said they think it’s great.

I’m healthier now than I was in my 20/30s. I don’t smoke. I’m 65 lbs lighter. I eat healthy and workout several days a week.

We have decided not to go to any extraordinary measures … I’m simply planning to have my IUD removed and see what happens. If it’s meant to be, it will be.

I’m not so much worried about starting over … as I am worried about my age and complications.

HAVE I LOST MY MIND?
welcme hun. im glad ou hve found this page on jm,evey one here helps each other and we all go through the ups and down of ttc together ,firstly im so sorry for your loss,it must be so hard for you both,

i understand where you are coming from withthe crazy x as myself and my dh both have crazy x who try to make our lives very hard it got so bad with stalking etc that police now involved even tho we dont know who it is !! ,im fighing my x atm as he has eveything house money etc and myself and the 5 kids with my new dh are living in rented house with little money,and my dh x is a whole nother story she is mad and does all sorts
its so sad as its my 5 kids and dh 3 kids that lose out cause so called grown up ppl are just to bitter and crazy,and in my x case greedy he pays nothing for the kids up keep <

as to havig more children when you are older im the same a you dh and i want OUR baby ,so we wking on that one ,my dh has a lung condition which some weeks is very bad for him with breathing etc ,im 39, 40 in june an dh is 41 ,age is just a number lol ,wishing you a quick bfp to come hun .
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http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3e6a29

I am 39 and DH is 40, we have 5 kids

George 15

Lexie 14

Lenny 11

Billy 7

Ellie 3

Trying for number 6 but will be number one with DH

DH Kids

Andrew 20

Holly 18

Amelia 4

Last edited by vickyblueeyes; February 1st, 2013 at 10:50 PM.
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  #4  
February 2nd, 2013, 12:09 AM
Shelz@_@
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Posts: n/a
welcome to the group so sorry about you loss of your son.. I wish you all the best in your jouney to TTC.. I thought is was crazy to but heck why not right lol
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  #5  
February 3rd, 2013, 11:06 PM
LauraTTCat42's Avatar Proud Host TTC-OM
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: South Africa
Posts: 1,529
First I want to say sorry about the loss of your step-son. That must be devastating hun.

and to our group. If you've lost your mind then we must have all lost ours too, LOL Age is just a number and it sounds like you are healthy, fit and ready...so go for it!

My name is Laura (43) and me and my dh are trying for our first together. I have a ds and dd from my previous marriage, my dh has none.

We look forward to hearing more from you
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Laura and Anthony








Jun/July2012 - Cycle 11 started charting
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  #6  
February 4th, 2013, 07:46 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 111
Friend,
I am SO sorry for the loss of your stepson!!!

Sometimes what is in my head doesn't come across as well either said or written, but here it goes: Your story reminds me a tad of John and Kelly Travolta...remember when their 17 year old son Jett died a few years ago---and then I think it was last year, they had a baby boy Benjamin---and John was over 50 and Kelly (I think) was 48! Some people may think they were trying to 'replace' their departed child, but I feel it was them with the love they had for each other, wanting another chance to create a life between the two of them, and why not...?

YOU ARE **NOT** CRAZY!!!!!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that I found this board; my mom was 38 when I was born and I just celebrated my 38th bday last December. Our society puts SO much guff on 'older' moms---yes, there's chance at complications---but honestly, despite 'evidence' of things getting 'worse' at 35 and up there are just as many if not sometimes more in the 'younger' moms---but that's not going to get harped on as much as us "old broads". Oh give me a break---I just over the weekend told a very good pal of mine we were TTC'ing, and her first reply was "WHAAAT?---WHY?!?!? Do you want to lose you chance at good sleep at YOUR age?!?" (and btw, she's one year younger than me ) People may not understand...but the ladies here sure do .
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Sometimes the 'secret' of life is just appreciating what everone else overlooks....
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