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Family issues when TTC at 40+


Forum: Trying to Conceive Older Members

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  • 1 Post By ctymom
  • 1 Post By lelila
  • 1 Post By berrygirll
  • 2 Post By Posgo001
  • 1 Post By Believingforonemore

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  #1  
January 31st, 2014, 05:48 AM
ctymom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 1,323
I haven't told my kids, (well, my boys are 24 and 22 but my daughter is 10) that we are TTC. Part of me thinks that maybe my boys will think I'm nuts at my age, but I don't know how they would feel since it's with my new husband. They like my DH and they understand why I divorced their Dad but I wonder how they will feel about it. I was waiting until I actually became pregnant to tell them. Also, I'm worried about how my daughter will feel because she is with her Dad in Connecticut and I'm in Florida. I'm afraid she will feel like I'm replacing her or I wont love her the same. I can reassure her of course and she knows she's my babygirl and means the world to me but she could either be really excited that she will be a big sister or upset that the baby will be here with me and she's not. So I'm worried about all that. Her Dad told me that if after all the bills are paid up and depending what he has left, he wants to leave the cold and may be coming down here. I would LOVE to have my babygirl here. Thankfully, me and her Dad set aside our issues and it's all about the kids.

Anyway... anyone deal with something similiar or have concerns about any of this?
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  #2  
January 31st, 2014, 06:04 AM
lelila's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 3,019
My son is almost 8 and is thrilled with having a sibling. We reinforce to him that he means the world to us and that he will always be so.

Once the baby comes, your daughter will know she is not replaced and is just as important to you as the baby.
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  #3  
January 31st, 2014, 07:16 AM
berrygirll's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 11,272
It's hard- we haven't told anyone about ttc except a few of my close friends.
Even when I'm pg, we're waiting until everything looks good on u/s and good dr reports before telling the kids or anyone (I've had 2 m/c in the last 7 months so I'm glad we didn't say anything)
I think everyone will think we're nuts at our age (39, would be 40 when babe is born) but oh well! I know the 2 youngest (ages 7 and 8) will be thrilled. The older ones would be ok too once the shock wore off, lol.

I think your dd will be fine. If she seems upset, explain to her what you said about not being replaced, etc and that she will always be your girl!
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  #4  
January 31st, 2014, 07:30 AM
Posgo001's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 489
I have two boys that are 20 & 23. Because I had to have a tubal reversal, I debated over telling them that we were going to ttc for a long time. In the end, I felt like I was hiding something from them and decided to tell them so that they wouldn't feel left out. It took a few days for them to let it sink in, and then they acted as though they supported our decision.
This past week, while we were in GA burying my Dad, we spent a great deal of time with my family. Many of them knew that I was pregnant. I hadn't told my boys yet (waiting on the heartbeat before I told them). I had to tell them, because again I didn't want them to feel left out. My sister is 44 and had a baby girl in July. My boys melted around her. In fact, they both were saying things like "can we just speed this process up and get our baby sooner?". Needless to say, the downside was having to call them last night and tell them that I am miscarrying. After I told them that I was sad, but okay, they both made sure to ask if we were going to try again. They really want this to happen!
The moral of the story is that your kids may think you are nuts...but they will still support you in this endeavor
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Paula 42
DH--43 (no bio kids)
DS1--23 DS2--21
1/30/14 at 7 weeks 2 days

You know my deep desire for a child. A little one to love and to hold, to care for,
to cherish. Grant that my body may conceive and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in Your holy image.
Guide me in all my choices so that this conception, my pregnancy and my baby's birth are in line with Your will. Heavenly Father and Holy Mother, hear this prayer of my heart, mind and spirit.
Amen.



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  #5  
January 31st, 2014, 02:47 PM
Pray, then pray some more
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2,090
I too am wondering how my kids will react. I worry about my son the most because he also lives with his father. I think my daughter will be excited.
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  #6  
February 1st, 2014, 01:15 AM
Shelz@_@
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My oldest she wanted me to have a baby for so long now my oldest son doesnt want me to have anymore and my younest wants to be the big brother now.. and its hard cause we kinda left it open to them and its been 4 years and I feel like I have let them down... either way its truly up to us in the end..

good luck talking to your kids Im gonna wait as well until I feel its safe to tell them
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  #7  
February 1st, 2014, 10:11 AM
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My children are only 6&8 but would be excited about having another sibling. We don't discuss with them all that much since we really don't know if will get pregnant again.

In the end decide on what makes you and DH.
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