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Sometimes we all need to vent sometimes. Dh and I have been trying for #2 since my daughter's 1st birthday. (She'll be 3 in May) Mind you, I wasn't trying with OPK or anything, just bd'ing w/o bc. I finally got pg in January of 08... I was so excited and happy. I couldn't wait to have all the experiences that I had w/ Jackie, feeling the baby kick for the first time, having he or she move in my belly, seeing the u/s and hearing the heartbeat. I couldn't wait. I told everybody that i was pg and even made dh take the maternity clothes out from the basement, went through them and washed them all cuz they had been in the basement for a couple years.
I didn't expect that I would m/c a week later... I was devastated. Besides feeling emotionally drained, I felt like sh*t... all I wanted was a healthy baby, why would God put the baby right in my grasp and then take that away?? It was so very unfair.
And now, here I am on my second cycle since... and it is driving me crazy. I poas (Whether OPK or HPT) what seems like everyday out of the month, waiting to see two lines. Staring at the ###### thing, hoping that maybe if I hold it right I'll get what I am waiting to see so desperately...
Symptoms all seem to add up, but I am so sick of internet searching, and logging, and asking, "Is this it? Could it be that I am pg?" Please?!?! One minute, yeah i think i am, the next questioning myself b/c I feel like even though I seem to have every symptom in the book that I am just crazy and that a couple days from now, I will get AF and be even more bummed than I am already.
It is horribly depressing, really, test after test, month after month getting negs... (Although I didn't OPK b4 m/c, I was a POAS Addict)
What are the chances of 4 evaps in a row from 2 different brands? I don't want to get my hopes up, but I am thinking my chances of 4 in a row are slim... so hopefully, that means it is a BFP.... Testing again tomorrow to check again, but I know there is a faint, I mean very faint, 2nd line there and dh saw it too, so I am not nuts.
So, my BFP is a BFP. For the last several days, I have been daily POAS to make sure that the line is getting darker... so far it is. I don't have my 1st apt. until the 28th and that seems like forever from now. I want to make sure my levels are increasing the way that they are supposed to, but I can't get lab work done until after they confirm I am pregnant. VERY Frustrating.
On top of that, I am petrified that I am going to have another m/c... I started the last one with a horrible backache one night/morning and then 4 to 6 days later, I had the m/c... I started having a really almost unnoticable backache last night and it is freaking me out.