[jennntj13]

Sometimes we all need to vent sometimes. Dh and I have been trying for #2 since my daughter's 1st birthday. (She'll be 3 in May) Mind you, I wasn't trying with OPK or anything, just bd'ing w/o bc. I finally got pg in January of 08... I was so excited and happy. I couldn't wait to have all the experiences that I had w/ Jackie, feeling the baby kick for the first time, having he or she move in my belly, seeing the u/s and hearing the heartbeat. I couldn't wait. I told everybody that i was pg and even made dh take the maternity clothes out from the basement, went through them and washed them all cuz they had been in the basement for a couple years.

I didn't expect that I would m/c a week later... I was devastated. Besides feeling emotionally drained, I felt like sh*t... all I wanted was a healthy baby, why would God put the baby right in my grasp and then take that away?? It was so very unfair.

And now, here I am on my second cycle since... and it is driving me crazy. I poas (Whether OPK or HPT) what seems like everyday out of the month, waiting to see two lines. Staring at the ###### thing, hoping that maybe if I hold it right I'll get what I am waiting to see so desperately...

Symptoms all seem to add up, but I am so sick of internet searching, and logging, and asking, "Is this it? Could it be that I am pg?" Please?!?! One minute, yeah i think i am, the next questioning myself b/c I feel like even though I seem to have every symptom in the book that I am just crazy and that a couple days from now, I will get AF and be even more bummed than I am already.

It is horribly depressing, really, test after test, month after month getting negs... (Although I didn't OPK b4 m/c, I was a POAS Addict)

I hope that I get a BFP at some point soon...

[jennntj13]

Sorry about the venting in the last entry... certainly was overly emotional and needed to get some stuff off my chest...

So, CD 29, no sign of AF yet, but she should be coming in a few days... I'm pretty confident of that. I still have the lingering hope of course of the bfp, but the realism that i'll get bfn's.


I started taking my temp, but I have to say I am a little confused why my temp seems so high compared to others...

4/12 98.3
4/13 98.5
4/14 98.5

I wonder if that is normal or not, most of the charts that I have seen have a temp in the 97 range.

[jennntj13]

What are the chances of 4 evaps in a row from 2 different brands? I don't want to get my hopes up, but I am thinking my chances of 4 in a row are slim... so hopefully, that means it is a BFP.... Testing again tomorrow to check again, but I know there is a faint, I mean very faint, 2nd line there and dh saw it too, so I am not nuts.

[jennntj13]

So, my BFP is a BFP. For the last several days, I have been daily POAS to make sure that the line is getting darker... so far it is. I don't have my 1st apt. until the 28th and that seems like forever from now. I want to make sure my levels are increasing the way that they are supposed to, but I can't get lab work done until after they confirm I am pregnant. VERY Frustrating.

On top of that, I am petrified that I am going to have another m/c... I started the last one with a horrible backache one night/morning and then 4 to 6 days later, I had the m/c... I started having a really almost unnoticable backache last night and it is freaking me out.