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  #1  
September 28th, 2008, 10:50 AM
kingdink's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: MN, but missing WI
Posts: 537
This first part is basically straight from my intro, I don't want to look for it it later and it really does describe the cirumstances and how I'm feeling.

I found out Sept 19, 2008, at 8 weeks, that I was having a m/c. I had been a member of the May DDC and it broke my heart to leave. The pregnancy had been a surprise, but was very, very wanted, so I know I want to TTC again as soon as I'm ready. The nurse told me I should technically wait 1 cycle before trying again, but she recommended 3 to heal emotionally. While this has been hard, I really think that in a month I will be ready. I am afraid for another loss, but I won't let it scare me out of trying again. I won't let it scare me out of trying to complete our family. If it happens again, it happens again, but there is nothing I can do to control it, so I can't let fear control me. This is basically a 180* change from what I felt like sitting in the nurses office or even the first couple days and I know I'll probably have some hesitation, but I just keep telling myself that I can't let this be it because it wouldn't be fair to change our plan because of this one awful thing that happened.

And that's that. We'll be trying again after I get my first AF and I'm so excited and nervous and I'm feeling incredibly determined. I ordered some tests and I'm charting again to make sure my body is getting back on track. I think the hardest part is going to be just being patient. So in the meantime I'm just going to have to try and take good care of myself and prepare my mind and body for this experience.

More to come...
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  #2  
October 14th, 2008, 07:02 AM
kingdink's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: MN, but missing WI
Posts: 537
I'm getting pretty frustrated here. I'm now on day 26 and still no O. I was thinking I'd be close to AF by now and just a couple weeks away from being able to try and that has been what's keeping me going here, but every day that goes by with no O makes me feel worse and it's really bringing me down. That and that there seems to be no sign that it's even close. My temps have been up a few tenths to 98.0 the last couple days, but I think that's environmental since we haven't been sleeping with the window open (brrr!) and my cervix is and has been very low and closed tight ever since the m/c. There's really been no change at all and I'm wondering if there is something going on that I should be concerned about. I think I'll give it a couple more days and if there's still nothing happening, I'll call my MW office and see if they have anything to say about it.

I just want my body to go back to normal!
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  #3  
October 24th, 2008, 09:09 AM
kingdink's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: MN, but missing WI
Posts: 537
Well, onto my first cycle of TTC. AF finally came for a visit yesterday at 4am and I am just starting to feel a little better. I was so uncomfortable and crampy through last night, I think this is pretty much one of the worst AFs I have ever had. But I'm staying positive, I'm on Day 2 now and we get to really try this month. I'm just hoping AF doesn't last a crazy-long time, which I hear can happen. I'm going to try not to think about that right now, thinking happy thoughts.

TTC cycle #1...
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  #4  
October 28th, 2008, 09:36 AM
kingdink's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: MN, but missing WI
Posts: 537
I feel like I should have a better plan. Up until a couple days ago I just figured we go with the flow and then start getting down to business around day 10-11 with the OPKs, testing once or twice a day. But AF slowed down and I think it's over now (hurray for a relatively normal AF!) and I'm starting to worry a bit that I need a more specific plan. I worry about my cycle being "off" because of the m/c and that we'll time things wrong or that I'll run out of OPKs because of a super long cycle. And then these OPKs have such specific instructions, not peeing for X amount of hours and limiting drinking for Z amount of hours, I feel like I should be on some sort of drinking/peeing schedule if I'm going to test twice a day and I wonder if I should've been taking B6 to make sure my luteal phase is long enough since it was short this last cycle. I need to just relax before I make myself crazy, but it really is easier said than done. I guess I just wasn't expecting to be this stressed out, I think I underestimated the potential for a messed up cycle and I suppose I just need to roll with it since there really isn't much else I can do. Just a few more days and we'll actually be TTC! I'm going to choose to be excited and not stressed!!!
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  #5  
November 5th, 2008, 11:07 AM
kingdink's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: MN, but missing WI
Posts: 537
This is it! I got my positive OPK at 11:30 this morning!!!


I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #6  
November 9th, 2008, 11:15 AM
kingdink's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: MN, but missing WI
Posts: 537
Well, now I don't know what's going on... I got my positive OPK on CD 14 at 11:30am and it was super dark, and then again at 8:30 PM, though that one seemed just a wee bit lighter. My temps have been higher than normal this cycle at 97.9 with a few occasional dips to 97.6 and I was worried that I wasn't going to O at all, but the +OPK definitely gave me some hope and my CP changed to high and open with fertile CM(which it didn't do last month). But then my temp didn't go up and didn't go up and didn't go up. It went down to 97.6 the day after the +OPK and then went back up to 97.9 for two days and now today it finally went up to 98.3, but I'm not sure if that's significant enough. It's definitely is the highest it's been this cycle, but it's been so weird anyway, so who knows. I don't know if I O'd late or not at all...

instead of posting my chart...
CD 14 (97.9) +OPK BD/PM Some fertile CM
CD 15 (97.6) BD/XX Fertile CM
CD 16 (97.9) BD/XX (CM drying up)
CD 17 (97.9) CP low, closed dry
CD 18 (98.3) CP low, closed, dry

I hope my temps stay up, I hope I O'd. If my temp is still up tomorrow, I suppose I'll be in the 2ww. Here's hoping!
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  #7  
November 11th, 2008, 10:47 AM
kingdink's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: MN, but missing WI
Posts: 537
Well, my temp is up for the 3rd day in a row, so I guess I'm 3DPO. I don't know if I O'd, but I suppose it doesn't really matter. I'm going to test 10DPO, Nov 18th. Here's hoping!!!
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  #8  
November 18th, 2008, 07:05 PM
kingdink's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: MN, but missing WI
Posts: 537
Well, I tested and it was a BFN. I was feeling pretty good about this month until this morning. It's only 10DPO, but for some reason I really feel like if I was pg it would've shown up. So I've been miserable all day and I've had no internet access to distract myself. There is obviously still hope, but I don't feel like there is. I don't know why I'm bringing myself down now, it's not like feeling crappy now will make me feel any less crappy if AF shows. I know I haven't been trying for months or years, so I feel like I have no right to be so sad, but I am. I think part of the reasoning behind that is that I've kind of decided that if it doesn't happen in the next 3-4 months that I'm not going to try anymore. I'll just be done. I pray that it happens though because I don't want to be done. Now I'm going to go eat ice cream and watch TV and try not to be so sad. It's not worth it and I hate feeling so pessimistic!
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  #9  
November 19th, 2008, 06:48 AM
kingdink's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: MN, but missing WI
Posts: 537
11DPO and another BFN. I knew I shouldn't have tested again. I think I'm going to wait now until I'm late or AF shows. Typically my LP is about 12 days, but since it was so short after the m/c, I've been taking B6. Not sure what the difference will be, if any, in my LP length, but I'll give it until day 14 or 15 before I test again. I don't want to waste them, even if they are cheap, and looking at a stark white HPT is pretty much a downer for the rest of the day.
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  #10  
November 19th, 2008, 02:03 PM
kingdink's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: MN, but missing WI
Posts: 537
Well, I laid down with the boys for a rest this afternoon. Kai has been sick and Zeke needs a nap anyway, so we laid in my bed and watched The Grinch and The Wizard of Oz. I started to feel crampy after a bit and when I got up after the movies I could tell AF had arrived. That leaves me with a 10 day LP which is not so great, especially since I've been taking B6. I'll just keep up with it, I suppose, hopefully this will be a better cycle. Hopefully my temps will be more normal this cycle and give me a little more hope that things are back on track.

Cycle day 1 started today...
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  #11  
December 3rd, 2008, 08:43 PM
kingdink's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: MN, but missing WI
Posts: 537
Ugh, my timing sucks. Well, my body's timing sucks.

I got my positive OPK last night. It faded to what I think is a negative about an hour later, but it was too late at that point to undoDTD. lol But anyway, got another today around noon and it stayed positive, so I'm thinking I'll be Oing maybe tonight or sometime tomorrow. We'll see though because last time I didn't until 3 days later, but regardless, it's just waiting now. More waiting. I don't think I'll do any more OPKs, maybe just keep DTD until my temp goes up. But the timing could be better... I have my appt on Friday with the oral surgeon. They are checking out the lump on my gums and I'm really hoping to get it removed or at least find out what it is. I know I shouldn't have even been TTC this month, I have been telling myself that, but the dentist said it didn't look scary and I guess I've just taken her word for it. I don't want to be scared so much I could be putting a potential baby in danger. And I'm an idiot because I didn't even think about anesthesia. I don't think I'd need to be put under, I at least hope not, but I'd need to be numbed to have it cut out. I guess the only thing I'm hoping for now is that if I were to get pregnant that any numbing meds would be in my system at a point when there is no blood system connection. Ugh, just stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I guess I'll find out more Friday and hope for the best!
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  #12  
December 5th, 2008, 07:14 AM
kingdink's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: MN, but missing WI
Posts: 537
OPKs don't like me or my body is messed up somehow or some way. This is the second month in a row where I got my +OPK without a temp rise after 48 hrs. My CP was super high and soft yesterday, also had some cramping, which I thought was O, so we tried again. I guess we'll DTD again tonight and hope my temps are up in the am. *sigh* I just wish I knew what was going on in there. Maybe it's just the stress about going to the oral surgeon today. Like my body knows it's not the right time. Hopefully I can get it taken care of today so my body can be all relaxed and pop an egg. Should know in a few hours what the deal is...praying it is nothing to worry about and can be dealt with fast!
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  #13  
December 17th, 2008, 07:46 AM
kingdink's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: MN, but missing WI
Posts: 537
Wow, I haven't kept up with this at all. I guess I have just been distracted, didn't want to post on the board and in here. Just a little redundant. Well...I had the cyst in my mouth removed on the 5th. I went in and he said he could take it out and then he did. That was that and he said it looked like nothing to be concerned about, so Yay!

On Friday the 12th I got my first BFP, but the lines weren't getting any darker really and it was worrying me. I took a First Response test today and it was a perfect, pink line. I feel SO much better. I'm scared and excited. I feel like getting the BFP was only half the battle, so to speak. I thought the 2WW was torture, but every single day I am worried something might happen. This is harder than I think I expected it to be, but I'm trying to think positive. All I can do now is take care of myself and pray, pray, pray. Stick, Little Monkey!!!
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