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This was my original introduction on this board. I am an active member of the JM Stillbirth forum and a lurker/rare poster on the Pregnancy Loss, as well as a few other, JM boards.
My name is Bonnie and I live with my husband Bill in PA. And my stepson who is 10 lives with us. We have started TTC # 3 of our babies together (not including stepson).
If we successfully conceive by May I will have been pregnant 3 times in one year. That hurts to think of, but we must push on. We have always wanted a good number of children. I think we still have a very good shot at our dreams for a family. I am 24 and DH is 26. The Lord may choose to bless us with more or less than the ideal number we have in our heads, but that's okay. We will trust in Him.
Our story. Or a short summarization of it. We were married March 22, 2008. AF began that morning and it came again on April 21. We were pretty disappointed (especially DH) so we started charting. On May 21, 2008 we had 2 BFPs!!! On May 25 I miscarried at 4 weeks 6 days. One month later, on June 26, we got another BFP!!! We had conceived around June 8. Such a happy time; I love remembering it. On July 31 we had an U/S at 9 wks 3 dys and our baby was doing great! On October 23 we had the BIG U/S at 21 wks 3 dys and found out it was a...boy! Roald Wallace Lightner! Almost 9 inches long, about 13 ounces, 155 bpm. They called me a few days later and said we needed to come in for another U/S on November 19 because he was measuring just a little bit smaller than he should have been.
About 2 weeks later my daily vomiting started happening only every other day. One time I went 2 days without any puking, then it came back the third day. I thought it was just going away; it had only started when I was 16 weeks. From 6 weeks to 16 weeks I had really bad nausea but only irregular vomiting. On November 13 I had a regular appointment. The nurse was unable to get his heartbeat on the doppler.Then the doctor tried for what seemed like forever, but still nothing. So I was sent for an emergency U/S.
Our worst fears were confirmed; I was admitted to the maternity ward that night and induced the next morning. After 13.5 hours of labor (the last 3.5 I had an epidural) I gave birth to Roald at 12:30 AM Saturday, November 15, 2008. He weighed 1 pound 0 ounces and was 11 inches long. I was 24 weeks 5 days pregnant. His funeral and burial was on November 20.
As for what happened to Roald, he had a lean/thin umbilical cord. This could or could not have been caused by my severe vomiting. Babies with lean umbilical cords are usually born alive; the size of the cord is not, in itself, fatal. But if it becomes twisted or gets bent, bloodflow and oxygen will be cut off from the baby and death will occur. This is what happened to Roald. This is also why he measured just a little bit smaller than he should have been at the Oct. 23 U/S. Babies with lean cords are usually small for gestational age and are usually born that way. It is not genetic and NOT likely that I will have another baby with a lean cord. I will be monitored more closely when we conceive again, especially my vomiting.
The night of Sunday, February 15 we bought pregnancy tests (AF had been due 2/16). I took one that evening and it was NEGATIVE. Very obvious and plain. I cried and whatnot. Then Bill came home from work the next evening and asked if I had taken the other one. I told him no and that I wanted to wait a few more days. He told me it was too nervewracking and that I should go take it. His precise words were "Screw it, go take it!" So I did and this time I did not wait 3 minutes to look at it. I waited about 20 seconds. I watched it for a couple minutes, but it too was a clear NO, YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT! It was easier to handle that one. Later that night I started having cramping and stuff and the following morning....RED on my pink toilet paper!!! YAY!!! So I adjusted my TTC chart.
Okay...I'm on CD 26 and going CRAZY! I can't wait 'til Thursday! Yesterday I felt very sick to my stomache so DH and I went to the pharmacy to buy a pack of FRERs. The cashier (who was a middle-aged woman) was SO EXCITED when Bill was buying them. She kept saying things like "Oh, this is so exciting! And quicker than a trip to the doctor's! Do you think you are?" I sooo wanted to share in her enthusiasm. I told her I didn't know for sure, and then we both simultaneously said "Hopefully". I wanted to tell her.
Welll I took one as soon as we got home, even though it was 5 days before AF is due. Should've waited!! BFN! Ugh!
So now I am determined to wait until Wed. morning to test. If I'm strong I will wait to see if AF comes Thursday.
My body operates on a 30-day cycle. Here is my history:
March 22, 2008-First day of AF
April 21, 2008-first day of AF
May 21, 2008-AF due; 2 BFPs with FRERs
May 25, 2008-m/s at 4 weeks 6 days pregnant; bled until May 29
June 24, 2008-AF due, but since m/c decided to wait
June 26, 2008-AF late by 2 days; BFP with FRER; more BFPs on June 27 and July 1
November 15, 2008-Roald was born premature and still
November 15-30, 2008-lochia
December 18, 2008-first day of AF
January 17, 2009-first day of AF
February 17, 2009-first day of AF; she was one day late
March 19, 2009-AF due; March 14 (5 days before expected period) got a BFN with FRER
Well I had that BFN on Saturday. I also had a BFN on Monday morning; it wasn't my first morning's pee, but still. Today is CD 29 (AF due tomorrow). I feel some abdominal stuff going on and am pretty convinced it is AF-related. But you never know. My BFPs were on the day my period was due and the second pregnancy my first BFP was 2 days after AF was due. But I did not test before AF was due. So I don't know. I'm going to buy a cheapie HPT today and test one more time!!! That just makes me want to cry AND laugh!! AHHH! Bill thinks it's funny that I am addicted to POAS. I don't, it's really frustrating, as I'm sure anyone reading this knows. I just want that wonderful surprise like when I saw that first BFP when I was pregnant with Roald. I was convinced I wasn't pregnant, but Bill insisted I was. I had no expectations of getting a BFP. And there it was staring me i nthe face-that second line. Ugh, I just want to be pregnant more than anything!!!!!
Okay...Saturday and Monday I had BFNs with FRERs. On Wednesday afternoon (March 18) I Had a faint BFP with an FRER. I didn't believ eit so I took another later and got what looked to me to be a BFN but in the morning it was a faint positive. So by now I was annoyed because AF was due Thursday (March 19) and I didn't know if these tests were false positives, evap line sor what.
Last night (March 19) Bill bought FR Rapid Result tests instead of FRERs. He tried, I'll give him credit lol. I took one last night and it was a BFN. I took another this morning and got a faint positive again. Can I really get that many falsies or evaps on First Responses from two different packages and two different kinds of tests???
He's buying a pack of FRERs on his way home from work tonight and I already cannot wait. Still no AF (was due yesterday) and I've been gassy but I can't say I feel any cramping as in mentrual cramps. *sigh* I want to POAS!!!!