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  #1  
March 19th, 2009, 08:48 AM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
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Hi, I'm Stephanie, 30, DH is Neal, 33. We are TTC #1, with a tragic loss to us last November. Here's an overview of that:

July 1, 2008, I realized something was wrong when I was standing up and getting light headed. It never happened to me before and it now happened for a couple of days. So I ran and took a pregnancy test and I received a BFP! I was shocked, we weren't trying, but we weren't preventing either. I had some spotting on July 12th so I called the Dr. and we went in on the 14th and found out it was Twins! I was crying I was so shocked and so happy. I was on cloud nine! We then learned on July 24th that they were identical and everyone was just so thrilled. It was the first for twins in my family! In September we started see a Perinatologist. There was a size difference between the girls and we learned about Absent End Diastolic Blood Flow in the Umbilical Artery (AEDBFUA). At first it wasn't looking good, but then a few weeks later it was looking great. We weren't given much info on the AEDBFUA, we weren't even given the name of what was going on, but the Dr. was shocked that the girls were progressing so well and told us they were doing great and there wasn't anything to worry about. That was on October 31st. Neal and I had a huge weight lighted from our shoulders. "Everything is fine" is what I kept telling myself. I went back a week later, Nov 7, to the peri's office and got a whole bunch of tests and was told again that everything looked good and was sent on my way. The next day my world would start falling apart. I was at a Christening for a friends son and Neal and I were sitting talking with friends and I started getting really bad lower back pain. I was admitted to L&D that night. I couldn't believe what was going on. Sunday morning I gave birth to my girls. At 23 weeks gestation, they were just to small to survive.

So here we are 4 months later TTC our first baby. We have been trying for 2 months now and no success yet. I right now am CD 23 and 8 DPO and just tested and got a BFN. I will tell you one thing though, I keep staring at the HPT and I do see a very slight 2nd line. It is so faint and I have to hold it a certain way to see it, but it gives me hope. Probably false hope, but still. I believe I am a few days early in testing and HOPING that the BFN will turn into a BFP by Monday. I will continue to test until AF shows up. I really wanted a BFP this month, my EDD would be 12/2/09 and I wanted a baby before Christmas. It doesn't seem like that is going to happen though.


I do definitely know that I do not want a baby due in March, when the girls were due, or in November, when the girls were born.

So the journey continues.
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Last edited by lex1078; April 13th, 2010 at 05:40 AM.
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  #2  
March 20th, 2009, 11:16 AM
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Test daily until you get a BFP, Steph!!! It has to happen if you POAS enough!!! I want to be pregnancy buddies!!! I am testing when Bill gets home at about 5 or 6, so you should test tonight again to see if you can get anothe rpositive!!! After all, I have 3 faint positives and one negative from the last 2 days and my period was due yesterday. Your's isn't due yet. I am hoping by now I've persuaded you to POAS later lol.
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  #3  
March 20th, 2009, 07:51 PM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
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I did test again Bonnie and it still looks like a BFN. I will test again in the morning, keep your fingers crossed!! I'm hoping maybe I O'd later than expected and I will get a BFP soon. I believe I will continue to test until AF shows which should be next Wednesday or Thursday.
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  #4  
March 22nd, 2009, 07:35 AM
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Ohhh I soooo hope you're pregnant!!! I tested 5 days and 3 days before AF was due with FRERs and still got BFNs until 1 days before she was due. I totally have my fingers crossed for you!!!!
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  #5  
April 2nd, 2009, 08:35 AM
lex1078's Avatar Waiting patiently....
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So, last month was just a big flop. I did get a couple of BFP's but I shouldn't have gotten so excited. It was false hope. I even had blood drawn that resulted in 15HCG count, that was on 3/25. On 3/27 AF showed up. I'm doing ok with it. It does hurt, but it wasn't enough to put me down for too long. Now I'm on CD7 with an expected to O around CD15. That's a good time because DH and I will be in California for a much needed fun vacation (I'm debating still on taking some OPK's with me). In the back of my head I'm hoping this is our month. I really hope it is, but if it isn't that's ok too. I'm trying to be optimistic about it all. I'm also trying not to get to into the whole charting aspect of it all. I want to try and NOT make it so demanding. I don't want to be on a DTD schedule and telling DH "We have to do it now, I'm ovulating." I just want it to be as natural as possible with knowing when I ovulated. It's nice to know that your body is normal and does what it should. This also gives me a little bit of time to try to lose some weight!! That's a whole other story though.

If we don't conceive by September or October (with June being out of the picture), then I will go to a Dr. and see what's going on. I really don't want to wait to long because I don't want to be too old when I have children (even though that might be inevitable). I'm hoping we don't need fertility treatments.

All this waiting to O and then waiting for AF just drives me up the wall. I'm happy it's getting warm out. Now I can start doing things that will keep my mind off of all the waiting!!!

Good luck this month!!
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  #6  
April 8th, 2009, 07:21 AM
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Ok, so O time should be soon. I have one calendar that tells me the 10th and another one that tells me 12th. We're leaving for California in a few hours and I've packed my OPK's!! Either way, I'm trying my hardest to catch that egg. This is my last chance for a 2009 baby or the first baby of 2010. Either way, I WANT THIS EGG!! So I'm crossing everything that I can to get this egg. I'm also trying to hold out on HPT testing. It cost a small fortune last month and I don't want to do that again. Anyway, I just really want this egg!! Off to Cali I go!!
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  #7  
April 17th, 2009, 08:01 AM
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Ok, so it's CD22 and it's 5DPO. I'm literally going nuts here. I know it's too early to test so I just keep looking at BFP pictures. It keeps me hopeful because in the back of my head I feel as if it didn't work this month. I think it's because we DTD to much before the +OPK and when I finally got a positive OPK I just didn't have the energy or wasn't in the mood to DTD as much. We did DTD the day before, day of and day after the +OPK. I just don't know. I think I need to stop with the OPK's and not think about it too much. Since the weather is starting to get nicer and I NEED to lose weight I'm trying to focus on that and make the weight become my obsession and not TTC so much.

So now I'm going to right about my weight. Since becoming pregnant and losing the girls I'm at the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I feel HUGE and hate it. While on vaca in San Diego I was so uncomfortable in my skin and just felt disgusting. I really don't like this. I went food shopping and bought a ton of healthy food and I need to stick to it this time. I'm suppose to join a gym with my mom on Monday and it can't get here quick enough. Today I'm going to take my dogs for a nice long walk. I hope I don't lose my patients with them because they are not very well trained on leashes.

So I'm going to try to write every day about my weight in my home journal and try to keep it simple here about TTC.

Wish me luck!
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  #8  
April 17th, 2009, 01:55 PM
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I just needed to add that if I'm not pregnant this cycle I will be very upset!!
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  #9  
April 22nd, 2009, 06:38 AM
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So today I start Curves. I joined with my mom on Monday and today is our first workout. Then later I'm going to kickboxing with a friend. If I like it, I'm joining. I've been doing pretty good with food and I continue to do it. Good Luck to me!

Well today is also 10DPO and I tested and it's a BFN. I *think* I see a VERY VERY VERY faint line, but I'm not getting my hopes up. I will continue to test until AF shows. I am expecting her this month. Sometime around the 28th. It's ok. We did try hard this month, but if we miss the egg, we miss the egg. Also, I started temping yesterday. Since I found out FF can do oral temps, I figured WTH. I will tell you one thing, my temps are high for me. Yesterday it was 98.4 and today 98.3. I know I'm usually around 97.8,9. I can feel my mouth is hot and it annoys me. Who knows what this means, maybe I'm sick and it's getting ready to come out.
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  #10  
April 29th, 2009, 06:29 AM
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Af showed up on April 24th. What a shock that was! I wasn't expecting her for another few days. Oh well, she came, she conquered, she left. Now it's on to cycle #2 of TTC. It's hurts to have missed the egg because we were trying. This month I don't want to obsess so much. I want to finish my OPK's and not use them any more and I need to put the HPT's somewhere so I'm not taking them unnecessarily. Maybe I'll put them in the garage or something.

I've moved my mind onto losing weight. Not only have I joined curves, but I've also joined kickboxing. It's been a week since I've started and I haven't lost an ounce yet. That is very discouraging, but I must continue. I'm hoping to lose something next week though. If I don't, I guess I need to talk to my Dr. See if something is going on that I don't know about. I've been good about watching what I eat and trying my ****edest to be good. I lose all will power for chocolate. Ugh, it's disgusting. I'm so depressed that I haven't lost any weight. I wasn't looking to lose 30lbs. but something would have been nice, but it is my own fault. I was bad with food. I can't do that.
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  #11  
May 6th, 2009, 06:25 AM
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The whole waiting to O time is killing me. I still have a few days until it happens, which is good now because we haven't been BD'ing all that much anyway. FF is saying sometime this weekend I should O, we'll see. I should have just enough OPK's to get to the weekend.

As for the exercising, I'm still going strong with it. I haven't missed a day yet. I think the fact that I paid a lot of $$ helps to keep me going. The only issues I have is with the eating. I go good for a few days and then I crash for one or two days and then get back on track. It's really hard with DH and having him not really watching what he eats. I do what I can though and just hope for the best.
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  #12  
May 7th, 2009, 07:26 AM
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I don't think this is going to be our month.
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  #13  
May 10th, 2009, 07:02 AM
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Well, Maybe it will be our month?!?! I don't know. My Jenny Renny Reading said I wouldn't be pregnant until July with a EDD of April 1st. For some reason I feel the need to prove her wrong. I can't wait another 2 months to be preggers!!! But I'd be just fine w/ a EDD of April 1st, ha ha ha!!

Anywho, for 2 days I've had +OPK's, I have one left for later tonight and tomorrow I think I might pick up some more if I still get a positive result tonight. Then it's into the 2WW. Oh the joys!! This time around I'm going to hold out as long as possible and NOT TEST!! AF is due around the 23rd. My cycles have been a little wacky. If I have a 28 day cycle, I only have an 11 day luteal phase. If that happens again this month I'm going to look into B6 Vitamins and not testing cause AF would be on time. If AF isn't on time, then I will start testing. So, I know shall sit and wait for the 24th. Ho hum.....
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  #14  
May 10th, 2009, 07:02 AM
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Well, Maybe it will be our month?!?! I don't know. My Jenny Renny Reading said I wouldn't be pregnant until July with a EDD of April 1st. For some reason I feel the need to prove her wrong. I can't wait another 2 months to be preggers!!! But I'd be just fine w/ a EDD of April 1st, ha ha ha!!

Anywho, for 2 days I've had +OPK's, I have one left for later tonight and tomorrow I think I might pick up some more if I still get a positive result tonight. Then it's into the 2WW. Oh the joys!! This time around I'm going to hold out as long as possible and NOT TEST!! AF is due around the 23rd. My cycles have been a little wacky. If I have a 28 day cycle, I only have an 11 day luteal phase. If that happens again this month I'm going to look into B6 Vitamins and not testing cause AF would be on time. If AF isn't on time, then I will start testing. So, I now shall sit and wait for the 22th. Ho hum.....
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  #15  
May 22nd, 2009, 05:00 AM
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IT WAS OUR MONTH!!!! Jenny Renny reading was wrong. I'm pregnant! I'm so excited and I just can't hide it!! But I have to hide it. We're not telling anyone yet.

I got my BFP starting on the 20th and they've been getting darker and darker which is a good sign. I can't wait to tell everyone. The happiness!!!
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  #16  
December 13th, 2009, 03:22 PM
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Well as it turned out with the last pregnancy, I had a D&C on July 9, 2009. The baby had Trisomy 22. Something that wasn't our fault, something we couldn't prevent, but man did that hurt. Now it is 5 months later and for a month and a half now I've been on BCP. Not happy with them at all. I'm on Yaz and never have had issues like I've had these past two months w/ BCP. For 2 weeks out of the month I have spotting, then I have a normal AF. Just more annoying anything. DH and I spoke about it and I told him I don't want to be on BCP anymore. He said "What are we going to do about BC then?" I said "I think it's high time we go the whole NTNP route and see what happens." He agrees. My main reason for this is because I'm not getting any younger and really don't want to wait much longer. So as of January we will be NTNP and hoping for the best. I told DH that if we have another loss, I'm getting my tubes tied and we will discuss adoption at that time.

During all of this, I'm having some cysts on my ovaries looked at too. I went in the beginning of December and had a pelvic ultrasound done. The Dr. wants to wait and see what happens next month. So on January 4th, I go for another pelvic u/s. The main reason why I'm doing this is because the cysts have been causing me pain and discomfort. So we'll see what happens next month.
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  #17  
December 17th, 2009, 06:56 AM
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Super big hugs! I hope you get a surprise BFP while NTNP!
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  #18  
December 20th, 2009, 04:25 PM
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So Af is almost gone!!! I thought maybe by tomorrow, but now I'm thinking more towards Tuesday. But it's all good!! I can't wait to start NTNP!!! I've been making sure to take my prenatal vitamins every day. Maybe I'll do a small thing to help out like some Robitussin. I know I have some laying around the house and no one is sick... so I can do that. Just happy we're not starting today cause my headache is so bad I think I might be going to bed right after dinner.
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  #19  
December 24th, 2009, 06:22 AM
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I'm so happy that Christmas is here. It's going to kind of help keep my mind off of O'ing for the next few days. Also, since we are having a New Years Party I have that to keep me occupied through next week. I know that drinking is not good while TTC but since we are keeping this hush I will have a few drinks, but not enough to get too drunk. Please don't judge me on this. I know a lot of women don't drink when TTC, but technically I shouldn't even be pregnant by New Years.
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  #20  
December 24th, 2009, 07:06 AM
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No judgement here Steph. I have a few drinks here and there while TTC. You have to do what feels normal or TTC will drive you even more crazy!
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