jess's journal pg mentioned

jacinthe · #1 March 23rd, 2009, 06:51 AM

so i've decideded to write a journal my place to write my thoughts and vent and well my place to figure all this crazyness that comes along ttc after a loss. i'm jess (23) dh denis (27) when we were both in college i got pregnant it was unplanned but we were excited the pregnancy was ok lots of morning sickness and was measuring bigger for the gestation age had 7 u/s we were told everything was fine, went into labor on may 29, 2006 the baby wasn't due til july 27, 2006 so i got scared i was flown to a bigger hospital because they didn't deliver preemies. i had my son hunter john may 30, 2006 he weight 5 pounds and was 18 inches long i was so proud he needed to stay in the nicu as all preemies do but at day 3 day he went into cardiac arrest they were able to put him on the vent and he was diagnosed with stenosis of the pulmonary valve and stenosis of the aortic valve hunter was then flown to sick kids at 2 open heart surgery was on ecmo for 13 days and on july 07 2006 he went in for the third part of the surgery and died in surgery that was the hardest day of my life. dh and i continued to advance our carreres and grieve and just give us time after 6 months i was ready to try again dh wasn't so i gave him more time then we moved and got a dog and things in our lives were just keep happening so the baby plan kept being put on hold now almost 3 years have past and he's finaly ready we both are but it hasn't been happening soon enough so i'm getting frustrated with that it's hard wanting something so bad and you can't have it but also ever since he said yes ok i'm ready lets try i'm scared omg is it gonna happen again and it's like it's weird that all this anxiety and fear and thoughts came running through me the day we had the convo that he was ready. O day is in 10 days and i just bought a bunch of opk and htp for after i can't wait

jacinthe · #2 March 24th, 2009, 05:55 PM

so i'm not sure why but today i'm not in the best mood feeling a little down sad and well very tired. yesterday i got offerend a job through the company it be different wage, place and hours i declined becaue i just don't think it would be fair to them to give me this position after training me and well stay there for 8 months hubby was on my side for this decision but my mother thinks it's not so i'm still thinking about what she said and it was just upsetting

jacinthe · #3 April 4th, 2009, 07:59 AM

so i'm not sure i O'd because well my opk line never got as dark as the control line but there was a line just not very dark i hope i did and dh and i bd just in case so i hope i caught that egg but if not next
month i'm trying to stay positive.

jacinthe · #4 April 4th, 2009, 01:29 PM

Because i O'd late in my cycle i will test on april 10 which would be 10 dpo but it will actually be 7 dpo and if that one is negative i'll retest on the 13 which will be 10 dpo so i'm now in the 2 ww i'm gonna go nuts these 2 weeks i'll have to buy a book and keep myself busy with reading instead of thinking lol

..Penelope.. · #5 April 4th, 2009, 05:13 PM

Good luck! I hope you caught that eggie!

I'm trying the reading instead of thinking idea, too...I just need to borrow the next book in the Twilight series from my sister

jacinthe · #6 April 8th, 2009, 12:53 PM

today was a hard day i'm extremely tired today so a lil moody too and it didn't help my boss made me a lil upset because the other day we got into an argument over the schedule and her changing it all the time cause she can't find a sitter well i ended up telling her i was ttc and i didn't really want to tell but today she had the nerve to ask me if i'll be coming back and i better be because she needs to know now so she can look into getting a replacement but i'm not even pregnant yet arrg she gets to me also my mom tiold my grandma i was ttc well grandma told my aunts and well my cousin just e-mailed me today saying how unfair it is that i'm trying when she's the oldest and she should be having kids before the younger one blah blah blah anyways overall today i'm moody, exausted and irrated by all these negative nosy people in my life i'm going for a nap so i tested today after supper cause i've been feeling moody extremely tired and crampy but it was a BFN i'm ok with it cause i know that it's too early

jacinthe · #7 April 10th, 2009, 08:15 PM

today was a very relaxed day slept in felt good it was much needed i went to see my mom for abit came home went for a nap thinking it was only gonna be an hour hubby let me sleep hree hours woke made dinner watched changelin very good movie tested again BFN will prolly wait til next week now since i only have 4 cheapies and 2 frer i don't want to waste them all on poas too soon and getting false results. i do have a few symptoms i'm thinking maybe this was a good cycle but i also feel very different then when i was with hunter so i don't know only time will tell can it just go faster tho ?

jacinthe · #8 April 13th, 2009, 08:29 PM

april 13, 2009

today i tested this morning with fmu i waited in the bathroom and thought i saw a very faint line so i go in the living room where dh was on the computer and asked very politely hun can you look at this. well dh looked and couldn't see nothing i said don't you see a faint line he looks more closely and says maybe well we had this bright idea to go outside because it was really sunny so picture this me beside him looking all excited like a kid thats getting a treat and dh skinting and fliping this hpt outside anyways we must've looked pretty funny well it turns out there wasn't one or if so very very faint because we are so on the fence i'm saying it's a negative but i will test again in a few days prolly friday since i'm off and af is due monday

jacinthe · #9 April 16th, 2009, 03:44 PM

april 16, 2009

i'm super excited and a lil anxious i just can't believe it and i can't stop

!!! yoohoo i tested again today and it was a darker line then yesterday i'm at cd 29 12 dpo called the doc got bloodwork tomorrow, appt tuesday and more bloodwork on thursday the ball is starting to roll

here are a few pics

jacinthe · #10 April 24th, 2009, 04:54 PM

april 24, 2009

ok lots has happened since my last post sunday april 19 the day af was due i started cramping on the left side totally freaked out called my mom, mom bought me to emerg they did an ultrasound nothing was showing in the tubes but nothing was showing in the uterus they said it was too early since i was prolly just like 2 weeks pregnant my beta count was 291 then that folowing monday i saw my doctor she ordered two more blood test one for wednesday and then another for today friday so my results were 14 dpo beta count was 291 17 dpo beta count was 1281 and friday which would make me 19 dpo my beta count was 3260 yoohoo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! really happy that there going up

jacinthe · #11 May 5th, 2009, 03:29 PM

may 5, 2009

so m.s as kicked in full force all day long these past few days i see my doc next tuesday maybe she can give me something cause it's getting worse everyday other then that not much to say dh is a lil sad i cut him off completely (TMI SORRY) until i see my doc next week and even than prolly will be longer i'm just so tired and moody and well completly nausous i don't want to he's understanding but still sad it's actually really cute to see anyways i paid for jenny renny prediction i should be getting that in the next day or two excited to see what she'll say ... wishing for a girl

jacinthe · #12 May 6th, 2009, 03:38 PM

may 06, 2009

my jenny renny reading :

Your reading reveals that your current pregnancy is with a baby boy. His EDD/birthdate is referenced around the 27th of December 2009 (for due date) and it looks like he arrives just a bit earlier - no worries - just a week or so - birth is shown on the 17th of December 2009. Everything surrounding his birth (card-wise) is light and bright - no warnings or cause for concern. Actually, the entire pregnancy seems to be fairly clear of issues that would cause concern - of course you won't feel relaxed until the first ultrasound to confirm that there are no issue, like with Hunter.

His birthweight is shown around the 7lb 8ozs mark. He is born in the morning following approximately 8-10 hours of labour and it appears to be an unmedicated labour and delivery. MANY family member at hospital for support when his arrival time has come.

jacinthe · #13 May 12th, 2009, 06:20 AM

may 12.2009

so i've been missing chat for awhile now and not posting much just cause after work it seems i need a nap now i'm more tired and i get very moody and well i feel like i'm gonna throw up all the time morning day and night i've actually only gotten sick a few times but that feeling is always there i see my doctor in a few hours i'm nervous and excited and post later . update doc is sending me for an ultrasound and i got some diclectin and i lost some weight but the doctor didn't seem too concerned i also refused to do a pap and she was ok with that she understood but i did let her feel my tummy and i'm right on target woohoo

jacinthe · #14 May 18th, 2009, 07:23 AM

may18.2009

well i decided after much thought and after talking with dh i have decided to leave work it was getting way too stressful and my boss ws on my case getting harder and harder n me also ever since i announced my pregnancy she has changed her attitude towards me and it was becoming unbereable so tomorrow i'm handing in my notice of termination i can't take it no more arrg on a brighter note my ultrasound is june 3rd can't wait. the diclectin seems to be working for me so far i'm not feeling as nauseated and i haven't thrown up as much

jacinthe · #15 June 21st, 2009, 08:50 AM

june 21, 2009

well it's been over a month since my last entry lots has happened. i went for my ultrasound and everything looks good and i have two app. in toronto one in july when i'm 18 weeks and one in august when i'm 20 weeks my manager said no i can't go so i told her right off and quit i was actually giving my notice anyways well then another company well the same company but a different location owned by a different owner called me and offered me a job so i'm working there and well really busy buying and preparing for baby here is the ultrasound pic and a belly pic at 13 weeks

jacinthe · #16 July 8th, 2009, 09:14 AM

july 8th, 2009

today is alright fighting a cold for the last few days seems to be finally leaving two more weeks and i get an u/s done i bought a fetal doppler online waiting patiently for it ok maybe not so patiently working mny hours tired fil is in town staying at house annoying me lol no j/k starting to get a few lil things and dh wants to start on the nursery like this month i wanna wait a lil longer i'm 16 weeks today yay !! but i know that something can still go wrong even this late in the pregnancy yesterday was hunter's angelversary and well i worked til 10pm and it was too late to go to the cemetery but tonight were going and were gonna plant a few flowers been 3 years already and me and dh had decided 3 years ago that in 3 years we were gonna try again i feel very blessed and sad that we didn't go through to much struggle to conceive this lil one but sad that other woman struggle for sometimes years to all the girls who have gone through losses and the struggle to ttc big

to you's and i feel for you i will always remember to never take for granted and appreciate the things that wre giving to me cause i now know it can easily be taking away in heartbeat

Kary♥RN · #17 July 10th, 2009, 12:05 PM

HUGS for Hunter angelversary, I love the belly pic! you have to post more!! I love US pic!!! I can't wait to see more...

jacinthe · #18 July 21st, 2009, 04:03 PM

july 21, 2009

today was a good day i ordering the bedding and ALL the accessories that matches the bedding maybe a lil overboard but i love it i'm now 17weeks and 6 days getting excited for the big u/s soon not sure if we are gonna find out the sexe we will see when we get there here are a few pics of the nursery and 17 week belly pics