Sue46 TTCAL Journal

Sue46 · #1 April 6th, 2009, 01:18 PM

ITs been over 2 months since we lost our first baby, baby Sarah at 17 weeks. We are more than ready for a baby. This is the beginning of our 2nd cycle trying again. Last cycle stressed me out WAY to much so I'm going to do things a bit different this cycle. I'll temp to verify ovulation then stop. I won't start til CD 10. I did get OPK's for this cycle, will start those CD 13. I normally O, CD16.

Whats nice is that when I O this time DH and I will be both home on break from work. Its hard sometimes to BD since DH gets up at 4am for work and by the time he gets home he's tired or I'm tired. Being well-rested will definitly help. I'm going to try to read some books, and finish my classes during the dreaded 2WW. I don't think I'll be able to wait til after I'm late to test but I will try. I'll have 7 test just itching to be peed on.

So here we are CD3, waiting to for spring break, waiting to O. Taking it easy this cycle.

Sue46 · #2 April 27th, 2009, 12:12 PM

Nows it 7dpo. WE BD's alot during O time. This cycle was so different than last. I got fertile CM on CD 13 while we were out of town and DH had gotten drunk. I was sooo pissed that night. Before we headed home DH cleaned the pipes so we could BD CD13, and we did until CD 18 According to FF I O'd on CD 17, I THINK it might be accurate but my temps normally jump not gradually increase like they did this month. Weird. And I had a LOT of fertile CM when last cycle I had almost none. This kinda lead me to believe that my body wasn't ready to be pregnant last month, I normally have plenty of CM.

Its amazing how fast time flies and even though our loss was only 3 months ago it feels like a lifetime. I am becoming obssesed with being pg and am trying so hard to calm down but its hard! Its hard not to think about it 24/7, its hard not to POAS. My goal is to make it to 11dpo but its going to be hard! I'll be strong though.

I temp'd all the way until today but now I'm stopping. No longer any point in it, I may do it on 14 and 15 dpo since my temp only drops on the day AF comes. I'm trying to think of other things, focus on school, work and home more than baby. It will happen when it happens and I can't control it.
I'm trying to convince myself of this everyday.

Sue46 · #3 May 17th, 2009, 05:42 PM

Right around O time now, not really charting, not taking my temperature but I am noticing my body signs and today I had EWCM but DH and I really taking it easy, no pressure whatsover. We will BD every other day or so.

I got a reading from Jenny Remmy and I just realized it doesn't make sense.
She said:

Your reading reveals that your BFP news comes the month of August 2009. The baby shows as a girl (likely the same baby that was lost in January - as she is shown twice - once in past and once at conception) and her EDD/birthdate is referenced the month of May 2010 - specific reference to the 15th.
Also a boy is shown in the future connected to the month of December and possibly a girl following that connected to February (that is if you decide to go for a 3rd).

If I get a BFP in August, I would have gotten pregnant in July since my cycles start around the 4th/5th of each month which would make me due in April not May! If I get pregnant in Aug I won't know til Sept! Okay.... I don't believe her anyway.

Sue46 · #4 May 28th, 2009, 06:54 PM

I think my body is broken! I'm so annoyed. I've got these cramps today that really hurt and I'm not even supposed to get AF for about a week still. I also pulled a back muscle on Sun and my back is still sore.

I'm kinda whatever about this cycle but I really wish it were it already.

Sue46 · #5 June 1st, 2009, 04:49 PM

Of course the cycle you least think your pregnant is THE cycle! LOL I think the cramps I experience on Thursday was implantation. How strange! I am pretty positive that I got 2 BFP on Sunday, 72 hrs later. But they were light so I will be testing again tomorrow. Prayers for a sticky bean!

Sue46 · #6 June 6th, 2009, 05:19 AM

I need to update this. As of right now I am pregnant. How scary!! I'm so nervous about being pregnant again, I'm sure many have felt the same exact thing. All I am doing is praying as hard as I can for a healthy and happy 9 months. I still can't believe it!

Sue46 · #7 June 6th, 2009, 12:16 PM

I'm crazy, I just need to get that out.

I want to post my BFP progression just for my sake of mind.
Sunday 9dpo

Tuesday 11dpo

Friday 14dpo

Sat 15dpo

Sue46 · #8 July 12th, 2009, 05:10 PM

Well that last pregnancy ended in a miscarriage as well.

Yesterday was Sarah's EDD. It was actually uneventful and not as emotional as I thought it would be. Luckily my DH was here with me and that helped enormously. We ended up going out to dinner, having a couple of drinks, shopping and saw a movie. It was a nice night.

As of this month, July, we are not TTC. We will give it a try in August and if it doesn't happen we are going to prevent September and October since that would put me at a June/July EDD and DH will be out of town all of June. If we can avoid those months it would obviously be best as I want him there for the birth of our first child.

When it comes to TTC I am no longer excited or in a rush about it. I feel whatever towards it as I've now had two losses. Miscarrying really takes the joy out of it and I don't want to get my hopes up.

I had some blood test down last week for blood clotting disorders, I should get the results next week. I'd like an answer but I honestly do not expect one. I'll update when I get my results.

Sue46 · #9 July 16th, 2009, 03:26 PM

All my labs came back and everything is normal, everything is negative. I don't have a blood clotting disorder, my uterus is fine, no STDs. I don't know what else they could test for. I guess it is good news. I hope the next pregnancy is successful.

Mel1979 · #10 July 16th, 2009, 10:37 PM

Hi Sue,

I also had the same tests done a few weeks ago and everything came back clear. I was a little disappointed at the time as I wanted an answer and also a 'fix' but I guess I should be grateful nothing is wrong.

I am hoping it means we both get sticky little beans next time!

Best of luck, hope to see your BFP soon.

Mel

raeleyfan · #11 July 17th, 2009, 12:44 PM

thanks for sharing sue

Sue46 · #12 November 1st, 2009, 09:56 AM

I feel like updating this today. I had a chemical pregnancy is August, BFN in Sept and currently in the 2ww for Oct.

Feeling down in the dumps about this whole TTC thing. Feeling discouraged and sad that we are still at it. This is the 1 year anniversary of finding out I was pregnant the first time. 1 year ago tomorrow actually.

Life can suck sometimes.

Symptoms thus far
about 4 or 5 dpo crampiness and pain on the right side. I had O pains on both sides this month, I've never experienced that before.

Sue46 · #13 November 2nd, 2009, 02:18 PM

5 or 6dpo still having strong cramping down there. VERY Strange! I've never had this before.

Also seriously constipated. Maybe the two are linked?

Last night for the first time in my life I had a dream that we had a baby, a baby girl.

IT was a nice thing to dream.

Sue46 · #14 November 3rd, 2009, 05:31 PM

6dpo- feeling slighty yucky at times, emotional, and the funky pain down there is easing up. Finally. Still constipated.

God, I hope this is our cycle.

Sue46 · #15 November 10th, 2009, 04:01 AM

October cycle is a bust. No July baby. Man, I feel so dissapointed and discouraged. I have a Dr appt for next Friday, hopefull we can pursue more aggresive measures in TTC.

I'm going to ask for DH's stuff to get examined then see what our next steps would be.

Sue46 · #16 November 11th, 2009, 05:22 AM

Today is the first day of my November cycle.

All those negative pregnancy test prepared me for AF at least. So here she is right on time, I'm glad she's always on schedule. Now if my body would just get it together and make a baby **** it!

Next Friday I have an appt with the Dr. I wonder if she'll let us do something a bit more drastic....

BabyLove23 · #17 November 23rd, 2009, 12:21 PM

Wow! Sue I just read all of your posts! You are such a trooper! I dont think I would be able to keep going the way you do! I give you alot of credit. Keep your hopes up. Im sure everything will work out soon!! How did things go at the doctor on Friday?

Sue46 · #18 April 12th, 2010, 06:06 PM

Its been so long since I've updated this. DH and I stopped trying for a few months since we were going on a cruise. Well now the cruise passed and we're back at TTC.

I went to a RE who thinks I show symptoms of PCOS. I have quite a few of the symptoms but not enough to get a diagnosis. So we decided I'd go on metformin and see if that helps my eggs. We think my eggs weren't maturing enough for a healthy pregnancy. This is my first month on metformin and have been testing like mad. All BFNs.

I don't want this to become a crazy obsession again but **** its hard to think of anything else. I keep having baby dreams, over and over again. Last night I dreamed I was 12wks pregnant at an ultrasound that went perfectly. I wish dreams were signs.

I should get my period in about 2 days. I'll try to update more often now that we're back at actively TTC.

megkatkoz · #19 April 13th, 2010, 04:58 AM

Hi Sue, glad to see you update.

I feel the same way as you, about so many things. We should be TTC buddies, lol. I have had 2 losses as well, and feel broken sometimes. I had laparoscopic surgery last Jan when I had my ectopic and they assured me everything was in working order. We are on cycle 3 of TTC. It feels like a lifetime ago that I was actually pregnant. I loved being pregnant so much...and have babies on my mind constantly.

Keep the faith, I know, easier said than done. My mother and I had a long conversation about that yesterday.

Sue46 · #20 April 13th, 2010, 03:16 PM

Hey Megan, thanks for responding.

Faith is my biggest challenge through all this honestly. I've lost almost all my faith in what I believed in. Life is just so unfair sometimes. I hate seeing how easy it is for some people and how hard it is for others. I've got to fix my mind here, I have to get my faith back! I have to believe in things beyond me, if not I would just give up. I'm not ready to give up.

Where are you in your cycle Megan? I should be getting AF tomorrow.

Today I've had some weird cramping in my ovary, uterus area and extremely sore breast but I think it may have something to do with the metformin too.

I've decided that if I don't get pregnant next cycle I'm going to ask the Dr for clomid in May/June time.