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  #1  
June 1st, 2009, 01:08 PM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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When I was younger I never planned on how many kids I wanted and DH & I never discussed it either. We knew we wanted 2 for sure, but I never thought that I would obsess over getting pregnant, so that we could have 4 kids. Tan & I have been married for 10 years and have 3 beautiful kids. All 3 were pretty easy to conceive. We decided it was the right time and went for it, boom within a couple of months we were pregnant each time. After I had Isabelle I was 100% sure I wanted another baby, this time closer in age than the others. So far we've had 4 year gaps and I really wanted my youngest two to be close in age. So I got off the pill in November and started trying. We had a BFP on January 2nd!! I was sooo excited. Pregnancy was pretty good, except for the ms, which kicked in around 6 1/2 weeks. I had an u/s at 5 1/2 weeks to make sure it wasn't ectopic due to some pain and everything looked great. The kids were super excited and Tyler pretty much told us it better be a bab boy or else
We went to my sister's b-day party on Feb. 7 and my sister's BIL was such an ***... his comment was "are you getting your tubes tied after this"...I was furious. People are just so into themselves sometimes and don't think about what they are saying.
A week later I started loosing a lot of my hair. It would come out in bushels and I was starting to wonder what the heck was going on . I was feeling good....lots of energy etc. Saw the midwife and it was great! Started to finally get a belly at around 9 weeks and decided to tell my boss.
Then my world came crashing down. At my 11 1/2 week NT scan I was told that there was no heart beat and the baby only measured 8 weeks 4 days. I had gone all by myself because it was just a routine scan and promised DH to bring pics. I couldn't stop crying! It was like someone had pulled the rug out from under my feet. Never in a million years did I think that anything could have been wrong. I've had no pain, no bleeding, no cramping. I finally started getting bigger. How could that be???? It just wasn't fair!
I was sent to an early pregnancy clinic in the hospital. They checked my hcg and it was low, also the yolk sac was deformed, I was told. I was given medication to insert vaginally to start a m/c as the doctor refused to do a d&c.
So on March 2nd I did one dose of the meds, which did start some bleeding, but nothing major. I thought to myself 'this isn't too bad, I can handle it'. I was told to repeat the dose the next day, as it didn't sound like I passed everything. So stupid me, inserts the pills and goes off to a dr. appointment with the kids. OMG - after waiting to see the dr. for 2 hours suddenly I start getting contraction pain. Finally they call my kids and when I get up I feel this gush (I already had a huge pad on, so lucky me!). I don't know how I managed to go to the appointment, but as soon as we were finished I ran to the bathroom and sat there for 20 minutes bleeding and passing tons of clots. It wasn't a pleasant experience. Somehow we made it home and I finally passed the baby. I felt better afterwards, but very drained. I guess I must have lost a lot of blood. Seeing the tissue that was the baby was the hardest part, and what I had wanted to avoid by having a d&c. I did have some pain for the next few days, which ended me in the ER, but my hcg was going down really fast and after an u/s that confirmed a clot still lingering around, and another dose of the meds to get it out, the m/c was finally over. I think my body dealt with it better than my mind and heart.
I hated the fact that I had to tell everyone we lost the baby. Everyone's silly comments like "you have 3 beautiful children already". Everytime I saw a baby on tv or on the street I would start to cry. DH was so sweet and asked if we were going to try again. I think that is when I started to feel normal again, knowing that we would.
So now we are on cycle 6, since I got off the pill. Hoping to see a BFP soon, as I'm turning 37 in December and worry about running out of time.
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Last edited by Trish36; June 2nd, 2009 at 08:33 AM.
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  #2  
June 2nd, 2009, 08:48 AM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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cycle 1 - Nov 11, 08
cycle 2 - Dec 9, 08 (thanks for the B-day present) on Jan2, 09

Feb.26 - NT scan : no hb
Mar 3 - m/c

cycle 3 - Mar 3, 09
cycle 4 - Mar 31, 09
cycle 5 - Apr. 27, 09
cycle 6 - May 19, 09
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  #3  
June 2nd, 2009, 08:54 AM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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cycle #6

So this cycle I have decided that I am not going ot stress out over it. We will NTNP and if the timing is right and we feel like it - great. but if it doesn't happen, I won't bee too upset. If it's meant to be it will happen.
I did order some OPKs and am checking to see when my O time is, but I'm not initiating anything. DH is actually the one to want to BD. timing seems to be on our side. I O'd yesterday as per the OPK and we BD'd on Sat & last night, so if nothing happens than it's not from lack of trying.
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  #4  
June 5th, 2009, 06:07 PM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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Saw the dr. today and asked her about my progesterone levels from my last pregnancies. Of course she never checked those before, so there is no record. I asked her if we could see what they are this cycle, because of my short LP and the fact that I thought I saw a BFP the day before AF came last month. So she gave me a requisition for blood work. I guess I'll go to the clinic near work on Monday (I'll be 7dpo) and see if they'll take me. But I guess this cycle would be useless, as it probably takes a few days to get the results and then it's probably too late cause AF will show.
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  #5  
June 9th, 2009, 07:09 AM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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Went for my progesterone blood draw last night. Couldn't do it in the morning, as the lab here doesn't take requisition forms from other doctors, so had to do it after work. Oh well, what can you do. Hope this doesn't screw up the numbers.
I guess I'll find out by Friday what my levels are. AF will probably be here by then.
Yeah, I'm just a regular 'little miss sunshine' this week.
Just found out yesterday that my sister is going to m/c her baby. She was spotting and went for an u/s and it doesn't look good. I don't think they found a hb. She is really upset. It's not supposed to happen like that...why can't we just get a break?????
So now I'm terrified of even getting pregnant. As much as I want to I am worried that there will be a repeat of last time. I don't think I could handle another loss.

I am having some EPS/IPS - really tired, bloated and crampy today, plus I am so irritable, I could rip someone's head off. I'm also getting a lot of what looks like EWCM, but more clear and stretchy. hmmmmmm.....why don't I remember any of my symptoms from other pregnancies, so I could compare?
I have a whole bunch of internet cheapies at home, so I guess I'll start poas tomorrow.
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  #6  
June 11th, 2009, 05:31 AM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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Well, my temp seems to be dropping. I don't remember what time it was when I took it..kind of woke up in the middle of the night and grabbed the thermometer. Funny thing is I couldn't find it this morning. After a frantic search it was inside my pillow case.
Woke up to AF like cramping, so no doubt she's on the way. It the pulling, burning kind of feeling - like you know that the lining is going to shed. Test was negative this morning also.

Why does fate have to be so cruel...As if it wasn't bad enough that AF is probably on the way, a pregnant lady had to sit opposite to me on the GO train. Is it testing me to se how I deal with it?? Maybe some of the baby dust will rub off on me.

I am feeling somewhat nauseous this morning and oh so tired.
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  #7  
June 17th, 2009, 03:50 PM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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I'm on an emotional roller coaster right now. After getting a BFP on Thursday Jun 11, and a confirmation by bt on Friday Jun 12, it looks like I am losing this baby.
HCG on Jun 12 - 16
HCG on Jun 15 - 22
I POAS yesterday and today and the line today is lighter than yesterday....which means the levels are dropping.
I will get the results from today's bt tomorrow, so that will confirm it either way, but I am not very positive. I am doing okay, I guess there aren't any more tears left in me at the moment. Just want to put this behind me. wonder if I will start bleeding soon or if my body will let me down and do nothing about it.
I think I 'm going to wait until August to see the fertility specialist before we ttc again. no point in getting pregnant if I keep losing the baby.
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  #8  
June 17th, 2009, 06:20 PM
Sunny09's Avatar Regular
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oh Trish, best of luck to you and DH. I hope little bean sticks!
xox big hugs
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  #9  
June 18th, 2009, 12:51 PM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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Bad news! beta for 16dpo was 16.
Started bleeding at work today, so I know I'm out. This sucks! I don't want to start all over again, plus is there really a point if I'll keep on losing the baby?
Maybe I will wait a month or two and then see the specialist. I guess we could try for a June baby. Don't have anyone with a birthday in June yet in the family.

"There is always tomorrow" - quote= Scarlett O'Hara from Gone with the Wind.
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  #10  
June 18th, 2009, 02:43 PM
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HUGS TRISH...... I wish I could take your pain away.
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  #11  
June 29th, 2009, 10:03 AM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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So I went back on the pill for a couple of months, since we are taking a break and also going away and I want to make sure AF doesn't arrive at the most inopportunate time. As much as I hate doing this, there is a benefit.....since I'm not O'ing, I'm not getting bloated and no O pain so far.
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  #12  
July 8th, 2009, 09:04 AM
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i'm so sorry to hear about your loss trish hopefully things work out for you after your trip and hope the specialist will have some answers for you big
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  #13  
August 3rd, 2009, 04:45 PM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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Location: Ontario, Canada
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cycle 1 - Nov 11, 08
cycle 2 - Dec 9, 08 (thanks for the B-day present) on Jan2, 09

Feb.26 - NT scan : no hb
Mar 3 - m/c

cycle 3 - Mar 3, 09
cycle 4 - Mar 31, 09
cycle 5 - Apr. 27, 09
cycle 6 - May 19, 09 @10dpo
beta: @11dpo-16, @14dpo-22, @16dpo-16
June 18 - m/c
cycle 7 - June 18 on pill
cycle 8 - July 16
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Last edited by Trish36; August 3rd, 2009 at 04:54 PM.
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  #14  
August 19th, 2009, 12:54 PM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 8,606
cycle 1 - Nov 11, 08
cycle 2 - Dec 9, 08 (thanks for the B-day present) on Jan2, 09

Feb.26 - NT scan : no hb
Mar 3 - m/c

cycle 3 - Mar 3, 09
cycle 4 - Mar 31, 09
cycle 5 - Apr. 27, 09
cycle 6 - May 19, 09 @10dpo
beta: @11dpo-16, @14dpo-22, @16dpo-16
June 18 - m/c
cycle 7 - June 18, 09 on pill
cycle 8 - July 16, 09 @ 12dpo (Aug.11)
beta: @ 15dpo-36, @18dpo-8
Aug. 18 - m/c
cycle 9 - Aug. 18, 09
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  #15  
August 19th, 2009, 01:01 PM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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Well, here we go again. After taking a break in June and then going away and having fun in July we finally got another BFP only to lose that one again to a chemical at just under 5 weeks. So on to cycle 9.
I can't believe that my dd is coming up in a month and it's going to be a year soon since we started ttc. Aggggrrrr!!!! WTH is going on?? I don't get it. I obviously can get pregnant but something is not letting the baby grow.
So tomorrow I am on CD 3 and going in for my first u/s & bt. Getting the whole works done and hopefully we can pin point the problem.
I just hope it's something that can be fixed and it's not my egg being too old or something wrong with the spermies. Gosh...I don't know if I should continue to ttc or wait until after the testing is done. Part of me wants to keep on trying and hopes that it will eventually work, but part of me doesn't want to go through another loss or chemical. It's so draining to have to go through the symptoms and hopes and excitement.....and then to lose it all.
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  #16  
August 20th, 2009, 07:12 AM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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Went in for my cd3 testing today. I can't believe she took 12 vials of blood! At least I didn't faint. the went for the full bladder & vag u/s. Going back on cd9 and then who knows. Also have to get a special u/s done where they inject saline to check if the tubes are blocked or if there is anything abnormal in the uterus. That's on Sunday Aug. 30. At least it's on the weekend. Cd21 is also on a Holiday, so I won't have to take the day off. That's good. DH has to go in for his sperm sample & bt next week. I'm sure he'll love that.
I don't think my tubes are the problem, since I can get pregnant. It's either the hormones or eggs/sperm is abnormal.
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  #17  
August 26th, 2009, 03:56 PM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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Today I had my cd9 scan & bt. It went okay. I asked the nurse about my FSH level from cd3 and she said it was 10.8. So not the greatest, but it's good...still under 12 which would be considered a bit high. She said that if it's under 12 the dr. is happy. She could see follicles getting bigger, so I should O in the next few days. Have to go back on cd11 for another check.
DH had to do is sperm deposit today...LOL. Wasn't as bad as he expected it to be. At least that's done with. And I was able to do my other bt for the special test. So hopefully we can get all the results in a few weeks time.
I think I will still dtd this month, even though the nurse thought we should skip this cycle. I just don't like wasting time. You never know this may be the one. I will however not test until I'm late, just to make sure I get past 5 weeks.
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  #18  
August 28th, 2009, 07:30 PM
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Had another appointment today..cd11. follicles are starting to grow, but not fast enough...so back I go on Monday. That will be cd14. I usually O before that, so I'm a bit worried that we'll miss it, but if the nurse thinks that I won't O until then at least, who am I??? I was told that DH has to repeat his sperm analysis, because the mobility rate was low. It could have just been stress or a fluke, but the dr. wants to have something to compare the first one to. So my eggs are getting old...his sperm are getting slow = no baby I hope that it's just a matter of us trying until it happens.
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  #19  
September 13th, 2009, 04:51 AM
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Finished all the testing now and DH finished his sperm analysis and bt, so I'm going to make an appointment with the dr. to see what the problem is. I'm on 13dpo today as per ff, but I think it's more like 12dpo. Had a temp drop this morning and a migraine since yesterday. No cramping or feeling tired or any pregnany symptoms, so I am sure AF is on her way. Why on earth did it not work?? what else can I possibly do?? I just don't get it. We bd'd at the right time, I even used preseed. I O'd from the left side, so that should have bee okay, my progesterone was good, as per the nurse....so WTH?? The dr. better have some answers for me.

My EDD is coming up Sept. 14. Waaaaaaa!!!!!! I should have been pregnant by now. I want my baby belly! I wish I could just crawl into bed on Monday and not come out all day.....but I have to go to work and put on a happy face.
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  #20  
September 13th, 2009, 09:25 AM
Trish36's Avatar Mom of 4
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Yeah, so the mean old witch showed up this morning...boooo!!!
called the dr. and waiting to hear back if I have to go in on cd3 or cd4. Really don't want to take anymore time off because of the testing. But at least it sounds like when I start this cycle I will have my answers and a treatment plan in place. I guess I'll find out in a few days.
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