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  #1  
August 10th, 2009, 09:13 PM
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My name is Celena, I am 32 years old and I'm an Aquarius! My 33nd birthday is approaching...

I have been previously married, seperated and divorced... we had 3 children together and I had one loss after the birth of my first child, my DS, before getting pregnant with my DD a yr n half after mc and then 2 years later had DS2.

I met my DH while I was going thru a terrible seperation and divorce, just when I DID NOT want to have anything to do with a resemblence of a relationship... sometimes that's just how falling in love happens, when you're not looking for it! Approximately 2years and some months later we were married... bringing our families together, him and his DD along with me and my 3. We've have had some very rocky times but always grew closer thru those rough times. My husband started to get baby fever a couple of years ago and I was hesitant, but one day he told me to make the appointment to get my IUD removed... I did and that was April 2008. He didn't want me to chart / temp or anything that would interfear with *God's plan* in our trying to concieve.... I knew my cycle well enough though to know when the optimum times to try were. We're pretty active sexually...

Well around this past Christmas my very young SIL got pg, I was very sad as I felt it should have been ME. At that point we had been TTC for approx 8-9 months, we're married and felt like it should have been us... ya know? We're ADULTS! But, I got over it to some extent... It was disheartening that after 8, 9 months we still haven't gotten pregnant.... I began to question the faith in my body and it's cycles. DH said don't worry, it'll happen... in God's time... etc... Easier said than done. I realized my hormones would rage when I O'd and sometimes noticed we would bicker, mentioned to DH that it might be inhibiting our getting pregnant.

Fast forwarding... 1 year and 3, 4 months later total

Well it DID happen... found out July 17th we were expecting after I peed on I think a total of at least 8 hpt's. I was in disbelief! I was apprehensive to get excited and worried about something happening, so I wasn't really telling anyone except the closest few. My Dh on the other hand out of his MAJOR EXCITEMENT told EVERRRRYONE he could think of and then some. I told him my fears and how I didn't want people to know for a while, it even created tension because he was so excited and wanted to share it. I wasn't quiet so excited yet, I did start to feel it a little and then I started spotting days later... went to a clinic and had my pg medically confirmed so I could get my ins rolling. At that time I asked the nurse about the spotting and said it was totally normal... I did have spotting in the past, but I didn't have a good feeling about this. I couldn't shake the thought of something being wrong, by wednesday I ended up in the ER and after tons of bloodwork and 2 trans vag u/s's later I was dicharged with a diagnosis of threatened miscarriage... The doctor said only time would tell. My hcg at this point was 178? I think... he told me to follow-up with ob 2-3 days later.

Friday I went to ob's office had bloodwork which I wouldn't get the results from until the following monday. By that evening I had started bleeding a little more than just spotting, it was red not pinkish anymore and I headed to the ER again after much debating. My BFF said if anything it'll at least ease my mind. Well it DIDN'T, after more bloodwork was run and this time they got me in the ER ASAP... I found out my hcg was down to 74 and that I was definitly going to miscarry our baby. I was DEVASTATED!!! I felt guilty for not being excited from day 1 when we found out, but that wasn't going to reverse what was enevitably coming.

By monday I followed up at my ob's office with even more bloodwork, those results were 78... by wednesday I due back in to meet with one of the ob doc's for an exam and counsel on whether or not I was to have surgery. Well, he said I was coming along naturally and we'd just go from there and that this was a loss. That night I went into a *labor* bright red bleeding, allot of large clots and fleshy tissue... this carried into thursday and by friday I was barely bleeding. I took a leftover HPT and it came out negative friday morning.

Strangely enough my body stayed on cycle and I noticed EWCM that day (friday) and an opk tested +. We didn't abstain at this time at all... by sunday I had my O pains and knew I ovulated for sure.

I had a follow-up appointment wednesday (approx 2wks after my last appt) where my doc said everything looked great and after I got AF we could try again. I asked about the possibility of me ovulating then described my expierence over the weekend after mc'ing, he said it was highly unlikely but it rarely does happen. Ten sent me off to have my bloodwork drawn... I called the next day to find out the results and the nurse asked me if I was supposed to be pg again... ***??!! is she talking about, so I asked why and she said my levels were up to 135! Um, it's a possibility I told her as I said that I thought I ovulated but Dr.M didn't think so. So she sent the results over to the doc marked URGENT. I had to come in that friday for more bloodwork which was ran stat, it came back slightly lower 120 (both numbers VERY HIGH for a singleton pg @ less than 4wks) the nurse called me that night saying I was scheduled to go in for bloodwork monday and the doc would call me that night or over the weekend. The waiting was excruciating! He called me saturday afternoon and said come in monday for the bloodwork, then he scheduled me to see him also and that he is baffled at the numbers. He mentioned the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy after all, but it didn't make sense and another possibility of retained tissue or even a rapidly multiplying cell-ball (???) that he might want to treat me with methotrexate if there is either an ectopic pregnancy or retained tissue.

Monday I went in, they failed to do my bloodwork... my fav nurse took me to the room and she saw that I was tearing up then closed the door to talk with me. I told her all my fears of being newly pregnant and the possibility of the dr treating me with methotrexate as he had mentioned over the weekend convo if he saw that it was ectopic. She told me to tell him my fears, so when he came in saw that I was crying and after asking what was wrong I told him... I BEGGED for an u/s and he ran down the hall then ran back saying to get dressed to go meet with the u/s tech. She did the scan and I was sat on a bench near his office, the report was eventually handed to him bby the tech as he led me to his office. I did overhear him talking to the tech next to me asking if she saw an ectopic, she said my tubes were clear and everything looked great! (ok?!)

While in his office he pulled up the results from the ER u/s... there was a lesion in my uterus and a small simple cyst on my right ovary (the same one I had OVULATED FROM!!!) but that the u/s I just had showed everything was good! So then he said he still thinks it's ectopic... that made NO SENSE to me at all!!!! There wasn't anything in my tubes!!! He said he's going to order me methotrexate.

I was then sat with my children in a waiting area in a bench, the nurse let me sit there for quiet some time as I was bawling my eyes out and was trying to get myself together. He asked if I had the shots yet and they said they were giving me time to collect myself... The thought of running out of that office crossed my mind, I seriously considered it until I thought about how ectopic pregnancies can be fatal or retained tissue could cause a serious infection. So I TRUSTED the doctors decision... and so the nurses came to get me took me to a procedure room where they both gave me a shot on each buttocks hip area. VERRRY PAINFUL, I cried before during and after. I kept telling them how I couldn't shake the feeling that I was newly pregnant and this is going to murder it. The guilt was so intense and the nurses kept telling me this was the best way, it would prevent complications from D&C and my fertility would remain or return faster. So after they talked with me I clothed myself and we exited the room. My favorite nurse walked over with me and talked to the kids about how mommy is ok and that they needed to take care of me. My youngest said don't hurt mommy and that made me cry even harder, she said they didn't, that they gave me some medicine to keep me from having to have surgery. She asked how old they all were and when she got to my yongest he said "I'm 6, but I'll almost be 7 when the baby comes" wow, that was a stab in my heart. She explained mommy isn't going to have a baby for a while... I had to coax them all to come, I couldn't take anymore of that conversation!!!

I felt aweful that day and the whole week... the shots left me feeling extremely tired, nausous which I guess was actually from the new pregnancy in reality. None of the things they said would happen from the shot happened... I was supposed to go thru a "miscarriage" again allot of labor type pains, allot of heavy bleeding, none of it happened. I wasn't bleeding at all, had a day where I had some brownish discharge which looking back now was really implantation of the new pregnancy that I didn't know at that point really happend.

Tuesday I had to go back for more bloodwork, wednesday I found out it went UP and was 145... after that last conversation with the nurse I lost it and decided it was time for a SECOND opinion!!!

By friday 8-14 I went to a new doctor, she reviewed the labs and u/s's faxed over while asking me a ton of questions... she agreed that I was NEWLY PREGNANT! FINALLY, I got some answers!!! She said he shouldn't have used that methotrexate and that the protocol is to follow beta's every 2 days over a period of a week or more, not only 2x's before jumping the gun. She was vey nice and very compassionate... she did a urine pg test which came back + and then ran bloodwork on me said we will follow up on monday with more bloodwork and decide where to go from there. Mentioned that as early as I was the drug may not have affected the baby yet as it hasn't implanted yet, but once it does it might be affected and have abnormalities. We would decide what to do after monday's bloodwork.

Monday I went and had my bloodwork done, anyways, the Dr. was supposed to have the results back by the afternoon and call me... well I called them and the nurse said they wouldn't have them until tuesday am and then I asked about a sharp pain in the middle of my lower abdomen. NP said it sounds like a bladder infection... she called in some antibiotics.

Well tuesday am came and went NO RESULTS, so I called and they were out to lunch... I called back @ around 2:30 and got the nurse's VM. An hour and a half later the NP called... She went over friday's results 110 and monday's results were going down, 97. She said a miscarriage is eminent and I had a couple of choices... 1) wait to miscarry naturally OR 2) take cytotec to kick the miscarriage into high gear to get thru it instead of waiting. I told her she could call in the medication and I'll decide... she said I didn't have to get it filled tonight if I wanted to think about it. She then asked if I had any questions, at the time I didn't have any... later I called about how tired, weak n dizzy I was feeling so she suggested to take 325mg of iron supplement.

I took the cytotec around 8:30pm and have already started contracting, nothing out of control that I cannot handle... it has also made me very sleepy and nausous! I feel like I'm going to puke any minute along with these waves of contractions that are slowly getting closer together and lasting longer. It starts out as a cramp and a feeling like I have to pee, then it gets tighter and stronger... uncomfortable... I think I might take my pain meds then hit the sack. I'm sure this is going to go on for many more hours to come from what the NP said. I just want to get this over with and move on... move on to have AF and start TTC again. I want to try before AF comes, but I know we should wait AND naturally I'd like to wait to have a LMP at least to go from. At least have a little time to go thru the emotions... I really hope we're blessed soon after, I feel like I'm getting older fast and if we decide to have more than 1 baby together I don't want to be too old where they'll be super invasive during my pregnancy and consider me high risk due to my age. I would like to have natural childbirth too.

I have had a roller coaster of emotions.... I was so EXTREMELY DEVASTATED after our loss in July, that I'm sort of expected the worst with this one and sure enough it's ending in a miscarriage due to a doctor F'ing up!!! People have mentioned filing a lawsuit, but really what is that going to fix? It will not bring my baby back!!!
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Last edited by Celena; August 25th, 2009 at 10:03 AM.
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  #2  
August 19th, 2009, 09:15 AM
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Having to go get a 2nd dose of the cytotec here in a few because the first dose didn't work the way it is supposed to...
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  #3  
August 24th, 2009, 05:56 PM
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08-24-2009

Well I guess whatever effects the cytotec were going to have, happened I guess? I pretty much stopped bleeding & / or spotting on that second dose.

This weekend was ROUGH... I finally broke down emotionally about our second loss in 2 months. It came out of no where on my way home from running a couple errands, no sad music playing no visual trigger and my eyes were just so full of tears which were streaming down my face I could barely see!

It wasn't an easy day... the DH, ugh shall we even go there? He just hasn't been there for me the way I've needed him to be and ends up doing more hurt than good. It was also our anniversary so that didn't make matters easier, no money, no presents or special celebrating, NOTHING... just me curled up in a ball on my bed sobbing uncontrolably up until when I had to leave for work.

I felt very empty and alone... I'm doing better now tho, thank GOD!

I can honestly say I really want to try as soon as possible, it seems like these babies want to come thru... I just hope it's better the next time and we're not going thru a big mess of devestation. At least I know I won't be going back to the old doctor's office!
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  #4  
August 24th, 2009, 06:37 PM
Celena's Avatar Proud JM hostess
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Well, I think I'm going to call it a night early for once... I'm so fricken exhausted. I'm babysitting tomorrow for my friend's son, so I think I'm going to make a day out of the pool with all of them after they open... or the beach haven't decided yet.

Either tomorrow or wednesday I have to go back for more bloodwork, just to check where my levels are. I can tell ya they have dropped as the hpt strips are suuuuuper light at least the last one I took to see.

The opk's vary depending on the time of day and amount of liquids... they say to test around 8pm which isn't always possible. So far between the opk's and charting I don't see that I've ovulate yet which I don't think I would have. No ewcm that I've seen or O pains... there was a ?'able opk where the lines looked pretty much the same color, but it woul have been too early in my cycle to O. If you can count the miscarriage as a start of a new cycle, which I did, it's like when you have AF... anyways, I really hope things are on track.

DH & I are axious to get a and have a H&H 9 months... and possibly try sometime the road after that. We'll see...

Ugh, I'm ready to crawl in bed... hopefully nap before DH gets home, I know he's ready to do some BD'ing
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  #5  
August 27th, 2009, 09:41 AM
Celena's Avatar Proud JM hostess
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Well I had spotting a couple times after BD'ing this week, it cleared up tho and all is well. I did notice some cramping with it and was scared it was AF, but it's not (TG!) Someone mentioned maybe it's IB'ing and so that has been on my mind... altho I had some EWCM yesterday so maybe I'm about to O... I had what looked like almost or it was + opk approx cycle day 10 as the colors were pretty much the exact same for the control and test so maybe I did O??? Maybe I haven't, this is the first time using those things and I'm not sure how I feel about them. So anyways, I've been totally EXHAUSTED for several days this week... I have come down with something, but I don't normally get so exhausted like this when I get a cold or upper resp. virus. WHO KNOWS, because I don't LOL!

Dunno, just going to hang in there and POAS in several days I guess... I'm nervous to and don't want to get disappointed. Been thru allot the past couple of months and am ready to move on, stay positive! DH is already wanting me to POAS today and I don't think I'd get any results... I used a test strip thingy since my mc, I've had -'s and this am something that looks ever so faintly +. So who knows!

Had my follow-up bloodwork yesterday and so I should get the results today, I just might call after their lunch to get the results and then when Theresa calls just discuss them with her then and any questions I might have. I always forget when we're on the phone so I'm going to write them down in a few minutes to be ready when she calls later.

Anywho.... off to target to pick up cough med script, I'm looking forward to my lungs not hurting!!!
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  #6  
August 31st, 2009, 09:39 PM
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The follow-up bloodwork was pretty close to zeroed out, so things have pretty much returned to normal. Which is good, and my temps haven't showed exactly when I've O'd... I thought possibly CD13, but the CD15 I had EWCM soo perhaps it was then... I'm not sure the OPK's aren't totally conclusive for me. We've been BD'ing when we can and trying to catch that eggie this month... DH teased and said perhaps he's making triplets, goofball!

I have ever slightyly faiiiiint faaaaint + hcg strips the past couple days, it's too early to tell tho and so I'm trying to hold out until this weekend or next. There's no telling exactly how many DPO I am right now. My chart isn't conclusive since my temps are everywhere, that in part has something to do with my poor sleeping and illness I'm sure. Altho' I've been pretty consistant taking it everyday and not missing a day in between, sure do frustrate the heck out of myself doing that!!!

I'm frustrated with the old OB dr, they keep calling me for a follow-up and I've just avoided them with everything that had happened I've found myself angry lately. I think perhaps going in and getting some closure to this might help. Not sure what to say or how to say it without possibly offeneding him which I don't want to do, but I do want to let him know what he had done. (perhaps prevent it from happening again!) I don't see myself going back to that doctor for a pregnancy tho, sad to say. I cannot allow something ELSE to happen!!

I need to call it a night earlier, I hate that it's hard for me to fall asleep and 3am sucks! I probably only get approx 7-7.5 hrs. I'm going to cut this off here for now... I hope this cycle brings a bfp, I know we all hope for that! I'm scared that it will be - and the emotions with that. Grr, guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it huh.
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  #7  
September 4th, 2009, 10:52 AM
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It's crazy.... I thought I had O'd a couple different times this cycle well... I ovulated just 2 days ago *I think * fo sho since I had 2 + OPK's!

Well today I'm already noticing terrible nausea if I don't eat something and my nipples a more sensitive! I really hope and pray this is it

and if this a pregnancy, it is HEALTHY!!!! also if the previous is true.... pray that this baby has a healthy safe body and I can safely & healthily carry him or her!!!!

I'm so terrified.... but excited scared!!!
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Last edited by Celena; September 7th, 2009 at 07:30 PM.
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September 4th, 2009, 11:03 AM
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September 5th, 2009, 11:46 AM
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Well the nausea is relentless... I've had it for a few days and it seems to get worse with each day. Smells are bothering me as of today, was making scrambled eggs with fresh garlic and it was making my stomach turn. I was so hungry, but the nausea made me not want to eat... however when I finally ate I feel tons better!

I don't know what's going on, I hope it's EPS but then again there's a stomach bug going around and I **** sure don't want to be sick again.

My friend B is a day late however, she's my TTC buddy IRL...*if* we both become pg we would only be a week to only days apart!!! How fricken cool would that be??!! She's going test either today or tomorrow... I'm waiting until next week, but not sure of which day or exactly when AF is due.
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September 7th, 2009, 02:32 PM
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I just started thinking about AF after reading someone's post on the board... I don't look forward to bleeding again, think it will *jar* some of my emotions to see the red of it so much of a reminder of my miscarriages.

My emotions SUCK right now, I cry at almost everything and I feel crazed... it came on a few days ago, first the nausea which had been horrible! I've been ok today, but I've also rested allot more and tried to eat frequently.

I just wish I knew why my emotions are so out of control right now!
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September 7th, 2009, 09:37 PM
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I just wanted to say I was thinking of you. I completely understand how crazy emotional this is! Best of luck to you this cycle....come on BFP!
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September 9th, 2009, 11:14 AM
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Thanks Starrsgirl!

Well I had an appt LCSW appt yesterday, basically talked for 1.5hrs of history stuff. It went ok, going again next tuesday.

My emotions were a little better yesterday, but still felt alittle crazed at times... today I've been weepy since I woke up, but trying not to cry too much. I'm so fricken tired tho that I know I should take a nap since I have to work tonight. For some reason I cannot bring myself to do it tho.

For some strange reason I was drawn to watch "a baby story" today... the one that is currently on is about a lady who had 3 miscarriages in 1 year. I feel her pain as I have had 2 in 2 months... she definitly said some things that only fellow ladies who have miscarriages can only understand. She's constantly worried about her baby and has anxiety prior to seeing her doctor to know if everything is ok with her baby. I can totally understand and can only imagine how it's going to be when I finally get pregnant with a little bean that sticks & is healthy. I pray that it is sooner than later... we've been waiting since last April (2008) to have our own little baby together.

Just ready... as so many of us are!
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September 9th, 2009, 09:16 PM
<>*NaYoMi_BaBy_Dreamer*<>'s Avatar N.T.N.P.( I need a break)
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I hope you get your Your last post was very touching and an inspiration...i watch all those baby shows that you can imagine on discovery health...probally more than i should...but i love those shows...
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September 14th, 2009, 06:11 PM
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I'm currently 12dpo and had some pinkish creamy discharge... it cleared up and was creamy cream colored again..... then I had some dark pinkish red tonight when I checked my cervix.

My cervix is high, closed

I think I might be out for a May baby... still have symptoms, but it's not looking promising. I guess until af shows I'll keep testing, but I almost don't want to and just save what I have for tests to save $$
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01/07/2011@ 6wks3ds EDD 08.28.2011 7/ /11 @6wks5ds EDD 02.27.12












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  #15  
September 20th, 2009, 02:53 PM
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So I had AF, she was really rough on me... the 1st heavy day had HORRIBLE CRAMPS! I can proudly say that today I have only had some creamy or brown tinted CM, so HORRAY for the leaving!!

Wednesday I started working out, outside... 30-45min run/walk with my ipod playing. Also added a B-complex to my supplement regimen, both have helped to elevate my mood a smidge. However DH has been PMS'ing so he basically has pissed on my better moods.

I am currently on CD6 and will more than likely start testing with my OPK's at least once a day until CD11, then from CD11 until I get my OPK + LH surge and then an OPK - I will be testing twice a day 2pm'ish & 8pm'ish

I had a really rough time with AF, the 2WW leading up to AF was brutal with all the crazy symptoms... at least now I hope that doesn't happen again. I had never been so anxious in my life about anything "waiting" wise. Sure hope this cycle has some super good surprising news like a super sticky BFP!

God forgive me for being selfish, but I ask of you.... PLEASE CAN DH & I BE BLESSED WITH A HEALTHY, HAPPY PREGNANCY / BABY (or BABIES) THIS CYCLE?! PLEASE?! THANK YOU!!

I know we're supposed to be careful for what we ask for, but I havve faith that God knows what we want or are praying for rather... healthy baby & healthy pregnancy/birth for me, mommy
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07/30/09@6wks3dsEDD 03.23.10 08/21/09@5wks EDD 04.21.10 02/08/10@8wks3ds EDD 09.17.10
01/07/2011@ 6wks3ds EDD 08.28.2011 7/ /11 @6wks5ds EDD 02.27.12












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  #16  
September 20th, 2009, 03:13 PM
starrsgirl's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I hope this cycle is it for you! Come on and catch the eggie!
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  #17  
September 29th, 2009, 06:43 PM
Celena's Avatar Proud JM hostess
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Liz you're such a sweet and awesome cheer leader! You make me all choked up and teary!

Ok, so CD15 here... I've had + OPK yesterday evening and this early afternoon, but I've been drinking allot of liquids and peeing allot this evening so they look a little diluted.

We have been BD'ing, I feel better this cycle than last... altho I've been emotional just not as emotionally cuhrayzee feeling like last cycle. I've noticed leading up to O that it starts at least in the past 2 cycles. Just not paying a ton of attention so far to any quote un quote symtoms...

Since I've been taking my B-complex vitamins I think they're making me HUNGRIER! I've been starving all the time now.
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07/30/09@6wks3dsEDD 03.23.10 08/21/09@5wks EDD 04.21.10 02/08/10@8wks3ds EDD 09.17.10
01/07/2011@ 6wks3ds EDD 08.28.2011 7/ /11 @6wks5ds EDD 02.27.12












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  #18  
December 13th, 2009, 04:04 PM
Celena's Avatar Proud JM hostess
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It's been 2.5 months since I've written anything in this journal...

mostly due to the fact I've been depressed. There I said it, I've been depressed. I've started to handle my losses very well or so I thought. I mean I don't cry everyday, don't cry when I see newborns, don't cry thinking about my losses or talking about them, don't cry when I see or hear about someone being pregnant... well ok so maybe I do cry a little.

Well I had this big long journal entry typed up, but I can't seem to put myself out there like that... there's just to much and I can't see to let myself be so vulnerable. Other than to say that nothing seems to be going in a positive direction, I pray everyday and it ends up getting worse. I don't know anymore
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01/07/2011@ 6wks3ds EDD 08.28.2011 7/ /11 @6wks5ds EDD 02.27.12












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  #19  
December 17th, 2009, 06:50 AM
.:Shortcake:.'s Avatar ♬♪Music Soothes my Soul♪♬
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Super big hugs for you hun. I know how you feel. If you ever need to talk I'm only a PM away.
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  #20  
February 11th, 2010, 03:41 PM
Celena's Avatar Proud JM hostess
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I love you Katie you're a wonderful friend!

Well I'm writing to say I concieved on Christmas only to lose my bean @ 8weeks 3 days this past monday due to the little bean living in my left tube.

I'm copying pasting my siggie "updates" here because I'm going to change my sig here soon and I'd like to have this somewhere.


01/11 1st beta 199; 01/13 2nd beta 561; 01/19 u/s, sm gest. sac
01/21 ER beta 2400 enlarged tube, sac deep in fundus
01/25 beta 3888, u/s baby L tube ab sac in uterus, ectopic, m shots
01/28 beta 5000+ going up not down, bw monday
2/03 beta 3500+ babe&sac lgr but collapsing, no hb, found hemorrhagic cyst
02/05 starting to lose our little Miracle @ 8wks
02/08 lost my baby today @ 8wks3ds
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07/30/09@6wks3dsEDD 03.23.10 08/21/09@5wks EDD 04.21.10 02/08/10@8wks3ds EDD 09.17.10
01/07/2011@ 6wks3ds EDD 08.28.2011 7/ /11 @6wks5ds EDD 02.27.12












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