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What a great idea. I thought about getting a journal and writing this all by hand but this is awesome too! Here's a little history:
My DH and I got married in October of 2008. We both wanted to be married 1 full year before getting preggo. The next month after that full year we conceived! We were so elated! We founf out on Deccember 2nd after I realized I was about a week late. Our baby would have been due late July 2010. The first time we went to the doctor everything looked fine but we measured about 4 weeks beind what I knew we should have been. That should have been my first clue something was wrong but since I had never been preggo I just didnt think about it. We went in the next week expecting to hear the HB. We saw it beating but were told we were only 4-5 weeks along again. By this point we should have been about 8 wks. We went in again the following week and thats when they couldnt find the HB at all. Our hearts sunk. My Beta had only raised 1300 from 20,000 from the week before. The next week I began to bleed but my cervix would not open. The doctor urged me to schedule a D&C but I requested a few more days and went home and prayed God would allow my cervix to open and I could just pass the baby naturally. I woke up the next morning with horrible pains that ended up being contractions. By this point I would have been 11 weeks. My DH drove me to my doctors office and when she checked my cervix she could see the baby right there at the opening of my cervix and she pulled it out. That was such a dark day in my life. DH and I cried all the way home.
Even though I know not much time has passed from then until now, I know that God has healed my heart. Dont get me wrong, it is an every day process, but He is helping me through. I finally got my period on February 19th and I am currently on CD33. The only thing is that I am still not sure what my cycles are doing since it is only the first normal cycle post m/c. Also, I normally keep track of my cycle and when I ovulate by keeping track of my CM. I dont write it down or anything I just keep a mental note. This cycle, however, I had EWCM twice and not very much of it! I don't know which one was O or even if I did O! AHHH! I did have some cramps that may have been O? And I have been having minor cramping/twinges and slight nausea in the evenings for the past 3 days or so. I also spotted Sunday morning one small spot of blood and I thought I was starting AF but she never came. Then Monday I had a tiny streak of pink on the tp when I wiped. So, I dont know whats going on! I am considering testing tomorrow or Thursday... We will see. I dont want to analyze every little symptom but it seems I cant help it...I am either 9 or 6 DPO...I guess it couldn't hurt to test tomorrow morning...we will see
Thanks Meg! I love JM too! IT has been such a blessing and a peace of mind for me especially these last few months!
Well, I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought was about taking that silly test...I tried to lay there and rest as long as I could because I knew after I took I wouldnt be able to go back to sleep no mater what the results were... So I finally couldnt take it anymore and I got up. After I was done I set it on the ground and I went to brush me teeth. I HATE waiting there for it to grow a line... I came back and picked it up and it was COMPLETELY BLANK! Ahh...Talk about playing with your emotions! There was not even a control line! I guess it wasnt meant to be this morning! Maybe God's shielding my heart for a few more days?
So anyways, If I can help it, I think I am going to try to wait until Tuesday to test again. I know thats a way away but since I am not sure exactly when I O'd then I think that will be ample time for my normal Luteal Phase.
Oh what a torturous journey this TTC buisness is!
Grr...My period started today..I was really hpoing this was it...Oh well, what can you do right? So, it's CD1 for me! I am glad that my cycle was ONLY 34 days long tough! Yay!!!!! That makes me excited! I just really wanted a December baby Better luck next time
Heartbreak. Yep, thats what I felt when I looked at my friend's 15 week preggo pic. I am so happy for her because they tried for so long and wanted a baby so bad. But we planned on being preggo together and I would have been 22 wks. It made me sad as I thought about how I never got to experience the 15 wk mark with my baby. and, it made me realize my currrent position. My babyless, frustrated, hurt, sad, preggo-less and sometimes hopeless current position. I try to remember that this is just how things are for the moment and that they won't always be like this...but right now that doesn't even help. I hate moments like this. Thankfully, they don't last forever...
Thank you for your prayers... I appreciate that! And sorry I have not posted lately...I realized that last cycle I was obsessing over every day and every "symptom"...I so can not do that...it's just not healthy! I was close to going insane!
Well, I am pretty sure I ovulated based on my CM and I am pretty sure we did all the BD we could do and covered all our bases well! We will see... I just asked God, "Lord, if there is any possible way I can be healthy and have a healty pregnancy and baby this cycle than please let it happen."
Mostly, I trust God and His sovereignty and I know no matter what He is worthy of all my heart, all my life and all my dreams. He holds my world in the palm of His hands and I can honestly say that though I sometimes don't understand, I completely trust Him with my life.
Blah- I was hoping for a BFP this time...but I don't think that will be happening. I am around 9DPO (I think) and I am already starting to have some cramping... Last month before I started I had some small red specks when I wiped that started a few day before AF showed and that happened again this morning...Bummer dude... Hopefully the witch will hurry up and show so DH and I can get busy again
Keep your chin up...I know its hard! But also, I cramped with my first pregnancy and I didn't get a BFP til 4 days late. I know that ended in loss at 17 weeks, but everyone says that cramping could be a sign too.
I always wonder why its so easy it seems for anyone else to get pregnant, and then there are women like us who try at the right times and want it so bad and it takes a little while. Bah! The world works in mysterious ways I guess.
Thanks Meg! I need all the encouragement I can get sometimes! I think the same thing about everyone else's ability to get preggo...Maybe we should quit wanting it and it will happen? Easier said than done right?!
So, I couldn't resist the urge and I POAS this morning cause I had cheapie extras and I figured why not. I THINK that I am supposed to be 10 DPO so I didn't expect anything...and my expectations were right...B F N... Oh well, If I don't start by Sunday I will test again... I'm not really having any symtoms...but then again, I don't know if it is even possible or likely to have symptoms this early? Who knows?
So, I couldn't take it anymore and I took a test on Sunday...B F N Bah.... And I still haven't started on top of that so I obviously miscalculated. I tried not to stress myself out this time over all the little details so I guess that is why I missed it? This morning my friend tells me she had a dream last night I was preggo and that the last time she had a dream like that the person found out they were prego that night...I wish! We will see. I *feel* AF coming I think. My nips have been sore for like a week which is odd but I still think AF will show her ugly face...If she is, I wish she would hurry up...
Steph, hi I'm Judy I was just reading your journal, I hope you don't mind. I'm sorry about your loss I had one too, in fact, last cycle.
I hope you get your BFP soon!!
I was just reading your last few posts and if I read right, then Sunday you were only CD15? Hon, don't waste HPTs that early, it's way too early to be testing for pregnancy So you're not out for the cycle I get nipple pain during ovulation so maybe that's what you're feeling? I hope you get your BFP soon (I already said that but why not say it again)
- 03/28/10 09/'10 06/'11, D&C July 20 Apr/'12
NOOOOOO...she showed today bummer dude! Maybe next month... I feel like I have been saying that WAY to much lately
Servilia- Of course I don't mind you reading my journal! And actually, you didn't read it wrong but I did mean DPO and not CD.... sometimes there are just TOO many abbreviations! I am very sorry about your loss too... The fresher the hurt the deeper the pain...I hope you are doing well too and I hope you get your beautiful BFP very soon!
Forgot to write this... I got a call from the ENT doctor's office yesterday as a follow up from my visit with them last week. They took a nasal swab so they could do a culure and they ended up finding Staph! I am supposed to be getting a prescription to make it go away but I was wondering if it maybe had anything to do with my miscarriage? It turns out I have had it for a LONG time...I don't know if it is possible and I don't know for sure how advanced it is but maybe that is what is preventing me from getting pg this time around? I had my Thyroid checked and it is fine and my ovaries are good too... Hmm...