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Stephanie's TTC journal


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  #1  
June 27th, 2010, 10:21 PM
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A brief introduction (as brief as possible for a 4 year story) for those that don't know me. I'm Stephanie. I just turned 30 in May. My husband Matt will be 27 in July. I have two children from my first marriage. Sierra is 12 (April 11) and was conceived while preventing when I was barely 17. She was unplanned, but very welcome. Abortion or adoption were never an option for me. She was mine, and from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I wouldn't even consider any option except for keeping her. Will came about during a time of NTNP. We had "tried" but I was assuming that I had textbook cycles (which I don't) and he was away from home ALOT so timing was a big issue. I stopped BC when Sierra was 6 months old and Will was born 2 1/2 years later (June 10). I never took BC after Will was born and didn't have any other pregnancies that I know of during the next 3 1/2 years. Then my marriage ended.

Shortly after my first marriage ended in divorce, I met DH online. Within 6 months we decided that I would move from West Virginia to Iowa to be with him, and I made the move! We had spent HOURS discussing our plans for the future before I moved and we both wanted to have children together and we hoped it would happen sooner rather than later. My son was nearly 5 and so we didn't want much more of an age difference. We didn't do much actual trying at first. More of just not preventing and leaving it up to fate (though having just moved in together..... there were TONS of chances! lol)

We moved in together and started NTNP in March of 2006. Because Sierra had been conceived not only while preventing, but the first time that I had sex with her father, I really just assumed that I would get pregnant extremely quickly. In reality, it did happen well within normal periods, but it seemed a long time to me. 7 months after we moved in together, I was pregnant. My joy quickly turned to crushing disappointment when I miscarried within a few days of getting a BFP.
7 months later, in May of 2007 I was pregnant again. The very same day that I got my BFP though, I started bleeding. We decided to very actively TTC after the second loss. I was charting and using OPK's, the whole deal.

In just 3 months I was pregnant again. We foolishly thought that we had used up our bad luck so we told everyone quickly. A few days later a too familiar thing happened. While using the restroom I noticed blood. Another miscarriage. After the third loss it took two months to get back to normal. My first cycle was 50+ days and my second was only 18. I went back to regular cycles after that though and 10 cycles after my third loss, I was pregnant again.

On June 8, 2008 two things happened. First, Sierra had a severe grand mal seizure. She was in the back yard and while she was too heavy for me to be carrying, I snatched her off the ground mid-seizure and ran to the front yard where I laid her on the porch while I called 911. Later that evening I started bleeding again, just days after a BFP. I was heartbroken, but honestly more concerned with taking care of Sierra.

Two months later I was pregnant for the 5th time. I was excited, but very cautious. When I realized that this cycle had started the exact same day as the one a year earlier that had resulted in a loss, I was slightly more nervous. On August 6th, I had a feeling of impending doom that I just couldn't shake. On August 7th....exactly one year after my third miscarriage, I lost baby #5.

8 months later.... just one week after the EDD of baby #5, I lost my sixth precious angel. I was heartbroken and decided I needed a break. Within a few weeks though I decided I'd had enough of a break. lol

7 months after my 6th loss I was on my the 1st cycle of my second round of clomid (I'd done 3 cycles a year earlier with no success). Finally a BFP on a medicated cycle. This had to be it! Sadly, less than 24 hours later.... before I could even notify my RE of the pregnancy it was over.

That brings us to today. I'm on cycle 52 since our journey started in 2006. This is the 7th cycle since my last loss. I'm hopeful that I will have another BFP soon, but at the same time, getting pregnant has never been an issue. It takes the average, healthy couple 6-12 months to conceive. I've done it 7 times in 4 years. Getting pregnant definitely isn't the issue. Staying pregnant is a real challenge though. My doctors (three in total) say that they can't find any problems. They tell me that I've just had a run of extremely bad luck. They say that if I just stick with it. If I just keep trying, I will have a baby in the end. I'm really not sure how much longer I can keep trying. Part of me wants to quit now. Part of me is terrified that even one more loss might seriously push me over the edge into insanity. The other part of me is screaming that I cannot quit now. That I have surely used up all my bad luck by now. that just one more month will surely bring me a healthy pregnancy.

I'm starting the 2ww now. I'm fairly certain that I've ovulated. We are back at that "magic" 7 month mark. I'm hopeful, but I am terrified. I had a nearly postive OPK yesterday and lighter today. I didn't start testing until late though, and I suspect that I missed my surge. I had nausea this morning, O cramps this afternoon and sore tender nipples late tonight, signaling that I most likely have ovulated. Time will tell. Hopefully I can be sharing a BFP soon and a happy "beginning" in around a year or less.
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  #2  
September 1st, 2010, 06:05 AM
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Hi just wondering have you asked your dr about putting you on progesterone while ovulating and during your pregnancy. I myself took progesterone after a few of my losses and went on to have a healthy little boy. I also was put on lose dose heprin (lovenox).
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  #3  
July 19th, 2012, 09:38 AM
MountainMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Wow. It's been a long time since I wrote that. I did go on to conceive that month. And miscarried again. I didn't have another positive test until two days ago. Faint positives on 5 Wondfos and an Answer brand got my hopes up. Late last night the heavy bleeding and cramping started. I'm experiencing ANOTHER chemical pregnancy. This is now my 9th loss in 6.5 years.

I have asked to be put on progesterone, but my doctor will only prescribe it for IVF cycles, and then, only if your progesterone is critically low. Our new plan of action is mostly inaction. I will be temping and charting my temps for the next two years and we will be NTNP. I have two years of school left, so no more trying until I am done. Once I am done with school, and working (probably 6 months or so after I graduate from school), I will take my 2.5 years of charts and my 9 year history and find a new doctor who will actually listen to me. At that point, I am going to ask to do IUI with injectables and PROGESTERONE. I have discussed this with my husband, and we are going to try three rounds, likely spaced out a bit. Try a round, recover for a couple of months, try a round, recover....etc. At that point, if we have not been successful, we will be done. Will will be nearing a point where we will have invested a decade into this one goal with nothing but heartache and debt to show for it. We have to stop at some point. The 10 year mark will be it.

If at some point between now and then we manage to have a successful pregnancy, all bets are off. I've wanted a huge family for as long as I can remember, and even one successful pregnancy will give me hope again.
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