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  #1  
July 6th, 2006, 08:05 PM
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Ok, so I figured I would start a journal. Don't know how often I'll use it though.

7:49 pm July 6 month #26 cycle day 5

I don't temp or chart. I do keep track of my cycles though. I am on day 5 and we haven't started our bd schedule yet.

Our schedule every month is bd every other day. We do it like that because I don't chart. This way the only reason I would have to chart is to find out if I'm actually ovulating. We started doing it like this last cycle.

We're being really lazy this cycle. I think I just don't want to be dissapointed yet again. We haven't started bd yet... day 1 we were at my parents house. day 2 I was too tired, day 3 I picked a fight with dh because he didn't put his shoes away properly and day 4 I got turned off cause he got really dirty at work and when I was putting aloe vera on his sunburn a bunch of dirt came off... ick. He showered but I just didn't feel like it anymore...

Day 5 - today. He's still at school. For those who don't know: My dh is a welder. His name is Chris. He works full-time and goes to school full-time. He gets up at 6 am and is at work by 7am. He works till 4pm and then goes straight to school and isn't usually finished till 10pm. Every day... Weekends are the only times I actually see him for more than a half hour.

Hopefully we start tonight. I would really love to prove jenny renny wrong and get a before november.

Thats it for tonight. My kitten is blocking the computer screen anyway - he's chasing the curser... sooo cute! : )

Goodnight all...
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Patricia, wife to Chris and mom to Dominick with baby boy #2 due this summer! Forever missing my two little angels.




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  #2  
July 7th, 2006, 12:22 PM
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11:54 am July 7 month #26 cycle day 6

Ok, I give up. I'm not going to bother with ovulation predictors. If I think I'm not ovulating, I'll just go see my doctor and she can figure it out. I've been looking for the little tester strip thingies. I don't want a kit cause the cheapest I've seen is 60 dollars and only has one tester strip. But it has 3 pregnancy tests, a thermometer, a sheet thingie on how to keep track and some other stuff.

I'm having a bad day. All of the above and also I keep remembering stuff people have said to me. Someone told me a few months ago (and this is why I started on the forums, because I refuse to talk to my friends about it anymore) That if anyone deserved to be pregnant it was her. She said that because she already knew what it was like to be pregnant and have a baby that is was worse for her to not be able to get pregnant again. She said that I didn't know the love that you can feel from a baby (hello, I've been pregnant before - I know the love, I just wasn't lucky enough to have a succesfull pregnancy) therefore it does not really matter that I can't get pregnant, that I don't know what I'm missing so it's easier for me. Stupid girl. I do know what I'm missing and it kills me...

For the past... 2 years at least there has always been someone around me that has been pregnant. First my best friend *a (no longer my best friend - different opinions on a controversial subject.) then I got pregnant. friend *b got pregnant a couple weeks after me. I miscarried. *a had baby. friend *c got pregnant. *b had baby. *a got pregnant again. *c had baby. *a still pregnant.

Everyone around me is pregnant or has a healthy baby. It truly sucks for me. I've never met someone who has had a hard a time as me trying to get a first child. It really seems like not a single person has the first clue as to what I'm going through. And poor dh. he wants a baby as much as I do. I feel like crap because I haven't been able to give him one.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, and there's not much I can do about it at the moment...

ps. oh yeah, I forgot. 2 girls I knew in highschool are also pregnant. Neither of them were trying or even wanted kids.
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Patricia, wife to Chris and mom to Dominick with baby boy #2 due this summer! Forever missing my two little angels.




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  #3  
July 7th, 2006, 05:09 PM
Miles
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You need a great big HUG hun so here you go (((HUGS)))

Now do you use the opks now or are you looking for some? I used the dollar store ones the first month I used them and they were really good. After that I started to go on ebay and get them. Cheap and you can get a lot of them. As for your friends, I am sorry hun. That one girl saying that, my jaw dropped when I read that. How anyone could say that, that is just plan rude and dumb. Hope your not friends with her anymore. She doesnt deserve to be friends with you if you ask me.
Hang in there hun it will happen. Also do you temp or thought about doing it? That is how I found out I didnt O the first 2 cycles after my miscarriage but have been oing since, well not last cycle that was a dud but anyway I felt good to know what my body was doing.
(((HUGS)))
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  #4  
July 7th, 2006, 05:54 PM
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Aww, thanks miles. ur sweet. I'm actually looking for some opks. I haven't been able to find any. I've looked at wal-mart, london drugs, shoppers drugs, superstore, zellers and pharmasave. I had absolutly no idea that you could get pregnancy tests or opks at the dollar store before I started coming on this site. What dollar stores have them? dh and I are gonna spend the weekend looking some more and if we can't find them we'll probably drive to the states next weekend. I would order them off the internet but I have to wait till we move. We live in an apartment right now and the managers are never around so the delivery guy leaves packages on the street and they get stolen. I also want to try pre-seed too but again, I have to wait till we move. I have thought about temping. I have to get my sleep regulated first though. I used to work night crew and it gave me insomnia. I'm gonna try and find the book 'taking charge of your fertility' this weekend and maybe I'll try and start charting next cycle. No, I'm not friends with that girl anymore. I find it absolutly amazing how I'm going through all this crap and I'm finding out who my true friends are.
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Patricia, wife to Chris and mom to Dominick with baby boy #2 due this summer! Forever missing my two little angels.




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  #5  
July 7th, 2006, 07:10 PM
Miles
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Aww hun I hope you find some, the family dollar has some. I agree you find out who your true friends are when you go through probs. Hang in there hun, we are here for you!
(((HUGS)))
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  #6  
July 8th, 2006, 04:47 AM
juls2006
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i just want to give you (((hugs))) too. my jaw about dropped when i read what your friend said to you. some people are so insensitive.
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  #7  
July 8th, 2006, 03:20 PM
Miles
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Hey did you find some opks hun? Also you said you wanted to try the preseed, some where I read you can google it to see if there is a place near you(store) that sells it. From what I understand only certains stores carry it. Let me see if I can find that site for you to see if there is a place near you!

Here you go:
http://www.ingfertility.com/

And on top it says pharmacy outlets click on that! Good luck hun!
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  #8  
July 10th, 2006, 10:44 AM
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Thanks. Nope nothing near me. it says there's a place in Calgary though. Thats somthing like a 14 hour drive. Probably less actually, maybe 10 hours. But thats still alot. I didn't find any opk's yet either. Looked for em all weekend. I'm probably gonna end up ordering them off the internet. We're thinking of having them sent to a friends house but we have to see if they wouldn't mind first. So I'll probably end up ordering pre-seed and the opks. Plus dh is really excited to buy an american licence plate. I think New Hampshires cause it says 'live free or die' It's the most interesting licence plate we've ever seen. dh likes collecting licence plates, street signs... stuff like that. Thanks for all your help. I really appreciate it. Doesn't happen much with strangers.
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Patricia, wife to Chris and mom to Dominick with baby boy #2 due this summer! Forever missing my two little angels.




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  #9  
July 10th, 2006, 11:05 AM
Miles
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A licence plate lol ok! Thought maybe you got lucky, the closest to me is a 3-4 hr drive. With gas being so high I would rather get it online and pay for shipping. I have had to do that, have things sent to friends houses or relatives due to ppl stealing things, thank goodness now we have a PO Box so we dont have to worry.
Your welcome thought maybe you would have found a place, sorry you didnt!
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  #10  
July 10th, 2006, 01:25 PM
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1:17 pm July 10 month #26 cycle day 9

We had a pretty uneventful weekend. We saw dead mans chest on saturday. Awsome movie. Funny. Not as good as the first one but still really good. There's gonna be a third one for sure. I heard there was gonna be but no one believed me. Anyway, major cliffhanger on 3 different things. Soooooo annoying.

Still haven't been able to find opks... probably gonna order them and have them sent to a friends house.

bd saturday and sunday. Maybe I'll get lucky and I won't need to chart next month. Here's hoping *crosses fingers*

Pretty relaxing weekend. We ended up buying 7 dvds. We were looking for robin hood men in tights and zoolander and kept seeing sales. So we spent about $50 and got 7 different dvd's. yay! we found the only season of undergrads on dvd too. We didn't find the robin hood one but the guy at blockbuster said that theres gonna be an anniversary edition coming out on september 6. I think I'm gonna buy it for dh as an anniversary present.

Adios!
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Patricia, wife to Chris and mom to Dominick with baby boy #2 due this summer! Forever missing my two little angels.




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  #11  
July 11th, 2006, 02:39 PM
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2:35 pm July 11 month #26 cycle day 10

I finally updated my siggy. New ttc ticker. Nothing else to say at the moment... adios!
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Patricia, wife to Chris and mom to Dominick with baby boy #2 due this summer! Forever missing my two little angels.




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  #12  
July 13th, 2006, 12:05 PM
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11:37 am July 13 month #26 cycle day 12

Ohhh, I'm so mad right now! Does everyone agree with me that it is dissrespectful to interupt people? This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. When we were all kids (me and my brother and sister) There was a problem with everyone interupting everyone else, ALL the time. I was the one who hated it the most and I managed to get everyone to stop doing it. Me being the youngest in the house btw. Now, dh has gotten into the habit of doing it to me. They do it in his family all the time as well and nobody is doing anything about it. (I don't know them well enough to complain) I have told Chris that I don't like it and that it just shows he doesn't respect me and to please let me finish my sentences. I do this nicely - very nicely in fact considering I'd like to rip his head off. It may seem like I'm overreacting but really, I'm not. He does it ALL the time! I never get to finish what I'm saying, absolutly no exaggeration there. Somtimes he interupts with somthing that is completly off subject and somtimes he just thinks he knows what I'm gonna say. I am just soooo sick and tired of it. I told him a while ago that from then on if he interupts me I am not going to speak to him for a while. He still does it. I don't do it to him. Last night we were talking about his medical at work (thats somthing else that pisses me off too - we have medical in 3 different places and we have to pay for all of them - his school has medical for us, his work has medical for us and the ###### province wants us to give them a butt load of money that we don't have for coverage for the next 3 months) And I was annoyed at the way his company deals with claims so I was asking how do they expect us to come up with 400 dollars for an eye exam and be able to pay rent and eat while they take their sweet time to give us our money (the money that we pay in every month is supposed to pay for it). I was already angry with the government because we can't afford to pay for medical coverage in 3 different places and he interupted me in the middle of my sentance again. I completly lost it. Now I'm not speaking to him and he's been sending me text messages all day expecting me to talk to him. I'm just soooo mad, plus I had coffee this morning so I have lots of energy to keep me angry. When I get mad at him I stay mad for a while. I don't know exactly when I ovulate but if I'm average I have a 6 day window of opportunity starting tomorow and I'm probably not even gonna want to talk to him never mind bd. Why can't he just try not to piss me off? Somtimes it seems like he actually wants me to be mad at him. Ack! I just needed to vent. Men can be complete morons at times.
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Patricia, wife to Chris and mom to Dominick with baby boy #2 due this summer! Forever missing my two little angels.




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  #13  
July 17th, 2006, 05:46 PM
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5:27 pm July 17 month #26 cycle day 17

Well, I made up with dh. I guess I'm pmsing or somthing but he really made me angry. It's weird though, he left the broiler on yesterday and we went out and I didn't realize it was still on until just before we went to bed. I didn't get mad at him for it. I think he broke the broiler too cause when I shut it off, I checked the oven and it was cold. Oh well, I dunno. I've been having alot of anxiety problems for a while now (I think a long term effect of the chemotherapy that I was on) but I haven't had an anxiety attack since saturday. Maybe thats why I've been a ******, who knows *shruggs shoulders* I'm alot calmer today, yay! I hate feeling anxious - it's an absolutly awful feeling.

So I have a 6 day window of when I could o and I'm on day 4 of the 6. I had a really bad pain right below my belly button for a while on saturday night. Could that have been me o'ing? If it was, is it a good thing that we bd the night before? The spermies would have lasted, right? Like I said before, If I'm not pregnant this month I'll start temping and stuff next month and maybe I'll know for sure if that pain was me o'ing. I've had it before I just never really thought about it.

dh was talking to his stepdad yesterday - some info on dh's stepdad - his name is rob. He is weird. I think he used to be a major pothead. he's a nice guy, somtimes. He can be very hard to get along with. I've had my problems with him which included a yelling match that he started and name calling - I called him an a** and he called me a B**** and then he kicked me out of the house. (we were living there at the time.) I am absolutly not a hard person to get along with but his and my personalities just clashed. He's like 60 or 65 or somthing. I don't know exactly how old. His wife is dh's mom and shes about 45 or somthing. They have a 5 year old daughter. She is mils 5th child and robs 1st. He's been bugging us to get pregnant for a looonnnggg time. Not as long as we've been trying but for about a year. He kept asking dh when we were gonna get pregnant when I was still on chemo! Then kept bugging dh when I was still going to the cancer clinic for blood tests. Well now everytime dh talks to him it's "am I a grandpa yet?" It's soooooo annoying. Especially since we haven't told anyone we're ttc. Most of them know but it still bugs me because I don't like advice unless I ask for it which is why we haven't told anyone. Anyway yesterday, again, it's 'are we grandparents yet?' I'm sick of it. I am dreading seeing him if I do get pregnant cause he's gonna hug me and touch my belly, I HATE being touched! anyway, I just rambled, didn't really mean to...

I'm gonna do some research right now on ttc and see if I can find any tips or tricks that I can post. Ciao!
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Patricia, wife to Chris and mom to Dominick with baby boy #2 due this summer! Forever missing my two little angels.




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  #14  
July 20th, 2006, 10:38 AM
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10:17 am July 20 month #26 cycle day 19

I came to a decision yesterday. I am usually not a positive person, I don't consider myself negative but I am not positive either. I'm more neutral. I'll say things like 'if I get pregnant' I do that cause I hate to be dissapointed but people interpret that as negativity. Ok, I'll stop then. I am going to get pregnant. My mom told me a couple weeks ago (after I said that I'll probably die young cause I've already had cancer and will probably end up getting it again) that bad things happen to people who believe they will happen. Writing that on here she sounds really weird, she's not she just hates when I'm negative and wanted me to stop complaining. So I'll try and be positive from now on... it'll be hard for me though cause I really really hate dissapointment and I'm sure most people do...

Before I got married I had really bad luck. I had never won anything not in little contests at school, not in the little games at birthday parties when I was little, nothing. Every time I would watch hockey, my team would lose. Bad things just kept happening to me. I lost the baby, I got sick... Guess what my maiden name was? Well it doesn't really matter what it was but it had 13 letters in it. Since I got married, I can't really think of anything bad hapening (of course I'm not thinking too hard, lol). We even bought one of those $100 tickets for home lotteries and won an expensive watch! Not as good as winning the house, but at least we won somthing. So I am going to choose to believe that because my last name no longer has an unlucky number, that good things will start happening. I sound fruity, don't I? lol! I'm just gonna think this way cause it'll be easier for me to think positively.

Oh and also, we went to a hockey game in feb. and my team won! they did really good too. I'm sad though, I don't have a team to cheer for anymore : ( It's funny, I used to hate hockey then my dh got me into it and now I'm sad that I don't have a team I want to cheer for anymore. Stupid vancouver, got rid of bertuzzi, got rid of all the good people! I refuse to cheer for them anymore, no more, nope. I'm gonna be stubborn. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to find another sport to watch, or not. I hate sports! lol! ok I'm gonna stop rambling now...
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Patricia, wife to Chris and mom to Dominick with baby boy #2 due this summer! Forever missing my two little angels.




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  #15  
July 24th, 2006, 09:37 AM
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9:25 am July 24 month #26 cycle day 23

Ok, some of you ladies saw what I posted on friday about not being able to breathe. I went to the doctor on saturday and he confirmed it was panic attacks. I couldn't go to my regular doc cause the only way I can get there is by car and dh always has the car when my doc is working. I'm going to try and borrow a car from dh's grandparents to go see her cause the doc I saw on saturday was not very nice. So I went in and he comes in and he seems real nice. He has a good bedside manner, he was making jokes and stuff, he was funny. Anyway I told him what was wrong and he said it's panic attacks and I can't do anything for you - you have to go see your regular doc.He then started talking about people with panic disorders and how he likes to give them a pill 'because it works and is so easy'. Well he says he's gonna give me a perscription for a pill to take whenever I can't breathe. I asked him if it was ok to use during pregnancy and he said 'no no no' So I aksed him if he had any advice to help stop the panic attacks untill I can see my regular doc. He got kind mad and said somthing about 'I'm not gonna play these games with you...' What games? I needed advice or a perscription, You wont give me advice and I can't take the pill you wanna give me so... Well I ended up getting the pills but I don't want to take them. He gave me Alprazolam. Right now, I'm using them as a safety net. I'm thinking I won't take them but if it gets to the point where I think I'm gonna pass out, they are there to help. Just a safety net. Grrr. So annoyed. I need somthing to get me through the crap, stupid doctor.

Ps. How soon do you guys get your af symptoms?
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Patricia, wife to Chris and mom to Dominick with baby boy #2 due this summer! Forever missing my two little angels.




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  #16  
July 24th, 2006, 10:06 AM
juls2006
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i'm sorry about the dr~ that was really rude. when i feel like one's coming, i know what it is so i don't let it stress me out. if you stress it will get worse so i just breathe and think of absolutely nothing. it's not an easy thing to do, but if you can just let your mind go completely blank, or at least think of things that make you happy it should help. if you focus on the symptoms, it will only get worse. maybe try yoga, that really helps.

and i usually start PMSing about a week before AF. and it starts with extreme b#####ness LOL!
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  #17  
July 28th, 2006, 05:06 PM
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4:58 pm July 28 month #26 cycle day 27

Well I guess I'l be going on to month 27 in a couple days. af hasn't shown yet but she will I started getting cramps today. My boobs still hurt, have for 7 days now . It's alot of pain too, not a little like usual . Very odd. Oh well. I just wish af would show so I can start temping. I wish I had short cycles. It would make this a whole lot easier on me, I'm a very impatient person.

I probably won't be participating on the boards for a while. It's just depressing me. I hope you all get your bfp sooner rather than later. I will probably update once in a while in here but I think that's it.
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Patricia, wife to Chris and mom to Dominick with baby boy #2 due this summer! Forever missing my two little angels.




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  #18  
July 30th, 2006, 06:44 AM
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I guess I was wrong about af. BFP!!!!!!!
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Patricia, wife to Chris and mom to Dominick with baby boy #2 due this summer! Forever missing my two little angels.




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  #19  
September 3rd, 2006, 09:14 PM
Miles
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Hey how you been feeling? You need to keep up with us still we wanna hear from the girls who have moved on!
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  #20  
October 11th, 2006, 10:52 PM
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Hey all.

Miles - I would love to keep everyone updated but I haven't had the internet for a month and a half. I'll update here and in the graduates thread now that I have the internet again but I'm not going to post in the regular threads. I don't want to upset anyone.

I'm doing good so far. I'm 14 weeks and 3 days. Theres a heartbeat this time. We saw it on the first ultrasound and we listened to it a couple weeks ago at my last doc appt. I have another appt next week so hopefully it's still there when they listen for it. I've been having headaches everyday for the past 2 weeks, it's irritating but so far it's the worst symptom I've had besides being so tired.

We've moved, it went well. We love the house that we moved into and we live in a really small town, only about 2000 people here. We're 20 min from a big city though so thats ok. It's nice and quiet here, no traffic sounds. DH got a really good job that he loves, if he wants to, he can stay there for the rest of his life because there is always opportunity for advancement and they have no limits to what they will pay their workers.

Thats about it for now. I hope someone actally sees this, I haven't been on here for so long. Take care everyone!
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