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Grace's TTC journal after loss.....


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  #1  
August 15th, 2012, 01:04 PM
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Hi All
I am hoping that writing this journal daily will help me in some way while I ttc after loss. I am hopeful that I will update here until I become pregnant again and then I will start a ttc grad journal after that.

I hope I get some followers and support here and I hope that maybe I can help others too.

I am 36, DH and I got our very first BFP on Aug 5,2012, I had my beta done on Aug 6 and it was 168, then I went back 3 days later and it was 235, and then 5 days after that it went down to 170... So I am having a chemical pregnancy.

Its very tough for me and now I am just waiting to start to bleed, I am waiting for my betas to get down to zero. I go for bloodwork again on Monday and hopefully they will be lower or at zero by then. I am trying to hardest to think positive and to focus on the future.

Stalkers please follow me. and baby dust to everyone.
__________________
BFP Aug 5, 2012
Beta levels- all 5 days apart, 170, 235, 168, 524, 722, 1008 (U/S this day nothing in uterus) Ectopic - given Methotrexate , Day 4 1865, Day 7 hcg 740! no need for 2nd shot!!!!
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  #2  
August 16th, 2012, 08:48 AM
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so today is 8/16/12

I am feeling a little anxious today as I am just waiting for the chemical to move forward, i am waiting to bleed and waiting for something to happen.

I am now just waiting and kind of in limbo like I was before when i was waiting to O ?!?!??!?!


I will say that strangely, my pregnancy symptoms went away 100% and it seemed like it just happened over night. I guess, considering my situation that is good as the sooner I start to bleed, the sooner I can start a new cycle and move on.

I just needed a place to go and talk it out, I think I might start temping again tomorrow and see what happens, I was going to wait until after bleeding came and went but I have NO SIGN of that and i feel like I have "no idea where I am" all over again - (those of you that remember, I had a 130+ day cycle and never knew what was going on).

So, maybe I'll start temping tomorrow, maybe if i see they are below cover - then I'll know Im almost able to start a new cycle. I do go back to get my betas checked on MOnday so that will tell us some too.

I'm sorry for rambling, i just needed to go somewhere. And Im sorry this is a depressing post. I thought I was doing so good since I got the news, I have been thinking positive and excited in the fact that I DID get bfp ---- but today, im not feeling so great.

Also, does anyone know if I could not get my period? could my body just absorb the preg? should I take a test and see if its negative ?
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BFP Aug 5, 2012
Beta levels- all 5 days apart, 170, 235, 168, 524, 722, 1008 (U/S this day nothing in uterus) Ectopic - given Methotrexate , Day 4 1865, Day 7 hcg 740! no need for 2nd shot!!!!
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  #3  
August 16th, 2012, 10:22 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 6,653
Hi there, and welcome to the board. I'm sorry you are going through this.
As for your period, yes, you definitely should have some period of some kind sooner or later. Sometimes it takes a little while for your body to realize you're not pregnant. But there will be something, because your body has started to build up the uterine lining to prepare for pregnancy, so it will have to shed that to get you back to where you were. I hope it happens soon for you, I remember the waiting...it's agonizing. Talk to your doctor if you have any concerns. That's what they're there for!
I hope you can heal soon and try again for your rainbow baby.
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  #4  
August 16th, 2012, 12:17 PM
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Thank you so much for commenting, its helps to feel like I am not alone. I am the Business Manager at an office and one of the staff just came to let me know she is 13 weeks pregnant - very happy for her but its hard that no one knows what I'm going through. No one but those that read here.

Thank you for listening. I think I might take a preg test to see if its getting lighter or negative tonight. I also think I might start temping again tomorrow - if my temps are down then i atleast know the preg is ending/over -

I hope I start to bleed soon - i just want to move on and forward
__________________
BFP Aug 5, 2012
Beta levels- all 5 days apart, 170, 235, 168, 524, 722, 1008 (U/S this day nothing in uterus) Ectopic - given Methotrexate , Day 4 1865, Day 7 hcg 740! no need for 2nd shot!!!!
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  #5  
August 16th, 2012, 04:49 PM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's so hard to hear when someone else tells you they're pregnant. I have several friends on Facebook I have had to "hide" because I just couldn't watch all their happy updates.
BTW, if you want your posts to be more visible, you could post them in the main room/forum, that way more ladies will see them. Take care and keep us posted. Hope everything happens soon for you so you can begin to heal.
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  #6  
August 25th, 2012, 07:35 AM
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August 25, 2012
This has been such a roller coaster, my hcg's were all over the place and 2 days ago it was confirmed ectopic as nothing is in my uterus.

Now I wait for "whats to come" and im terrifired at all the possibilities of the next few days/week. I pray my levels just go down and I can focus on moving on.
__________________
BFP Aug 5, 2012
Beta levels- all 5 days apart, 170, 235, 168, 524, 722, 1008 (U/S this day nothing in uterus) Ectopic - given Methotrexate , Day 4 1865, Day 7 hcg 740! no need for 2nd shot!!!!
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  #7  
August 25th, 2012, 10:45 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Aww I'm sorry that you had to find that out. What are you terrified about? If you have any questions of how this is going to go, be sure to ask your doctor, he/she should be able to give you an idea of how this will progress. Keep us posted, and take good care of yourself.
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  #8  
August 26th, 2012, 07:31 AM
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Sunday Aug 26th, 3 days after injection.

I guess Im scared of bleeding, cramping, pain, etc. I have read so many stories of women with ectopic pregnancies going through quite an ordeal (besides the emotional stuff) and Im just scared.

First blood draw is tomorrow, 2nd is thursday to see if hcg is going down
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BFP Aug 5, 2012
Beta levels- all 5 days apart, 170, 235, 168, 524, 722, 1008 (U/S this day nothing in uterus) Ectopic - given Methotrexate , Day 4 1865, Day 7 hcg 740! no need for 2nd shot!!!!
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  #9  
August 26th, 2012, 09:09 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well you know if you are in pain you can always call your doctor or visit the urgent care clinic for some pain medication. Also if you need more than 1 pad per hour you need to go to the ER right away. Be sure you keep in close contact with your doctor and let them know if you need anything.
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  #10  
August 28th, 2012, 02:54 PM
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Tuesday Aug 28, 5 days after injection. On day 4 I was given a blood test., beta was 1865 so it went up, they told me this is normal and they expect it to go up.
On Thursday, Day 7 is when it should start going down................

fingers crossed - i dont want to have another shot.
__________________
BFP Aug 5, 2012
Beta levels- all 5 days apart, 170, 235, 168, 524, 722, 1008 (U/S this day nothing in uterus) Ectopic - given Methotrexate , Day 4 1865, Day 7 hcg 740! no need for 2nd shot!!!!
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  #11  
August 31st, 2012, 07:44 AM
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Day 7 hcg was 740 so no need for a 2nd shot!!!!!!!! THANK YOU GOD.

focusing on the future and ttc again in December...
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BFP Aug 5, 2012
Beta levels- all 5 days apart, 170, 235, 168, 524, 722, 1008 (U/S this day nothing in uterus) Ectopic - given Methotrexate , Day 4 1865, Day 7 hcg 740! no need for 2nd shot!!!!
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  #12  
August 31st, 2012, 11:42 AM
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I'm glad to hear it!
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Little Bud: Blooming in Heaven 1.24.12
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  #13  
September 4th, 2012, 11:23 AM
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Just a whiney post.
seems like each day is taking forever to go by. All I want to do is move on - I think I need to find something ELSE to focus on for the next few months, which will be rather tough.

I go for an blood test this thursday to see where things are at. If Im at 0 then I can start prenatals again, start working out again, start exercising again, HAVE A GLASS OF WINE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

lol
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BFP Aug 5, 2012
Beta levels- all 5 days apart, 170, 235, 168, 524, 722, 1008 (U/S this day nothing in uterus) Ectopic - given Methotrexate , Day 4 1865, Day 7 hcg 740! no need for 2nd shot!!!!
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  #14  
September 4th, 2012, 11:43 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Why would you not be able to have wine right now? I think that would be allowed, but then I'm not a doctor. Also you could probably be taking prenatals all along, nothing wrong with that!
As for working out...that would depend on when you're healed up, right?
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  #15  
September 4th, 2012, 03:56 PM
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Nope, methotrexate the drug I had to take for the ectopic is AWEFUL. You CAN"T take prenatals, can't have ANY folic acid, cant have alcohol (as its a chemo therapy drug and messes with your liver), can't exercise. NOTHING

Its been brutal. CAN"T go in the sun, nothing.

so i've been sitting in the house, eating crap, and getting fat.

IM NOT KIDDING.

You have to stop prenatals immediately and can't start them up again until your hcg hits 0. Same with alcohol, exercise, etc. etc. etc.
__________________
BFP Aug 5, 2012
Beta levels- all 5 days apart, 170, 235, 168, 524, 722, 1008 (U/S this day nothing in uterus) Ectopic - given Methotrexate , Day 4 1865, Day 7 hcg 740! no need for 2nd shot!!!!
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  #16  
September 5th, 2012, 09:41 AM
EverydayJoy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sorry, that sucks! When do you go for another round of betas?
BTW your posts would get a lot more eyes on them if they were in the main room/forum.
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Little Bud: Blooming in Heaven 1.24.12
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  #17  
September 5th, 2012, 03:52 PM
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Thanks, I thought the journals needed to be here? i'll start something out there. thank you -
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BFP Aug 5, 2012
Beta levels- all 5 days apart, 170, 235, 168, 524, 722, 1008 (U/S this day nothing in uterus) Ectopic - given Methotrexate , Day 4 1865, Day 7 hcg 740! no need for 2nd shot!!!!
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