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  #1  
July 26th, 2006, 12:14 PM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Pickering, Ontario, Canada
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Well... I thought I would start a journal. Sometimes I just need to get all my thoughts, worries, sadness, happiness and good news out somewhere!!! And I figured that starting a journal would be the best place for it. So i'm going to start at the beginning with a little background into why I came to JM. (I may jump around here and there, so sorry if it's hard to follow)

I found out I was pg in April of this year. It was a totally unplanned pregnancy and I was very afraid to tell my bf for fear of his reaction. I was very stressed out when I found out and very nervous. I was also on the pill when I got pg so I was in a constant state of shock, I think.

Going back a big - BF and I had been arguing during the year previously about whether we would actually even have babies in the future. He constantly told me no. Although when we first got together, in the first year and a half or two, we always talked about buying a house, getting married and having a baby. Just one. But then out of no where he decided that we were NOT having children. BF has a son with his ex-gf (or so she tells him, we honestly do not know if my bf is actually the dad, but my bf has this sense of responsibility towards the child because he figures if his ex(let's call her the ******) is going to tell the child that my bf is his dad, then he is not going to sit there and deny it and screw the kid up and make him unhappy.) anyways, the ****** totally uses his son against my bf all the time (and they live on the other side of the country, I might add. us in Ontario, them in B.C.). Unfortunately we (or even just my bf) cannot afford to fly out to B.C. all the time, so she constantly says stuff about how he doesn't care about the kid and stuff like that... blah blah blah. anyways... my point is this.... I think that he suddenly decided on the no kids things because he didn't want to risk a situation like that ever again.

Anyway... so I found out I was pg. (which is when I first came to JM, terrified, excited, unsure and stressed out) I knew for a couple of weeks but never said anything. I was too scared. Finally, one Sunday, I made my boyfriend take me to the clinic that took my blood test (that confirmed the pg) because I was having horrible cramps. The doctor told me that he thought I could be possibly having a m/c. When I came out, my bf asked me what the doctor said. and I replied "that i'm pregnant and possibly miscarrying". Well, he slightly freaked out and of course said "jenn, we CAN'T have a kid right now, we just can't", he told me to terminate, etc. etc.... I told him I didn't know what I was going to do and got all mad and then he didn't bring it up again for the rest of the night.

The next day I lost the baby. I was very upset. I went to the hospital, they ran tests, they said baby seemed fine, and then I went to the washroom and lost it. It was a horrible horrible moment in my life. I felt like I had no one to go to. I had no one to mourn with and I had no one's shoulder to cry on. I called my boyfriend and told him what happened. He asked me if I was okay, and what happened, and he told me that he was relieved. He asked me what happened next, etc. etc.

For the next few days and weeks, he continued to tell me that he never wanted a baby with me.

On to more GOOD news...

A few weeks ago we were sitting around drinking beers with my parents (something we do often), he finally said "I know I joke around alot about never having kids, but I do want some, one day. after we buy our house. I just didn't want jenn to go off and get pregnant before we were ready. Or else we probably never would have a house" (I may have paraphrased a bit). He said this in front of me and my parents. I was so ecstatically happy!!! Mainly because it had been a real point of argument between us and was almost to the point where I felt like if I ever wanted children, I would have to end things with him. So during this conversation I said to him, well just one baby is fine with me. And he said, no a couple of them would be good. You can't have just one spoiled baby. lol.

So since then we have even talked about names for our future kidS!! and he's admitted that when we have a girl, she will be a total daddy's girl, and that he would probably spoil her rotten.

Anyway, i've been happier in the past few weeks than i've been in the past year.

and that is what I wanted to share!! LOL.

sorry it took me so long to spit it all out.

(long story short, this is why i'm not actively trying, but if it happens, it happens, and I'll be tickled pink if it does!!!)
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  #2  
July 27th, 2006, 09:08 AM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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This is my TTC Ticker... although i'm not actively trying, I like to keep track anyway!!!

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  #3  
July 28th, 2006, 08:49 AM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It's very rare that my dreams repeat themselves.

But about 2 days before I had my m/c, I had a very vivid dream that I was holding my baby, a girl, and all my family was around me. I was holding her over my shoulder and patting her on the back, I guess in an effort to burp her. My boyfriend was next to me, chatting with my family.

That's really all there was to the dream.

But I had almost the exact same dream last night. It was so strange. The only difference was that it was just my boyfriend and I and our baby girl and we were talking about just general stuff and my dream was slightly longer because I continued to breast feed in front of him while he sat there and watched.

I'm not a very strong believer in dream interpretation or psychics or anything like that, although I do like to read up on the stuff, but when I woke up this morning I thought... hey, maybe that's a view into the future?

LOL. I dunno.
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  #4  
August 2nd, 2006, 07:19 AM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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The baby dreams are starting again...

Last night I had two very strange dreams that were very similar.

The first dream was that I had a baby, a little girl. I was pregnant in my dream, I gave birth in my dream and I also saw my little girl as a 7 or 8 year old with long strawberry blond hair and freckles... and I was alone. a single mom. We were in a house and she was on a bicycle.. that's all I can really remember from that one.

My next dream was that I was pregnant, and my water broke and my boyfriend was there with me, and people were yelling at me as I went to the hospital saying that I tricked my boyfriend into getting pregnant (although he knows, in real life and in my dream, that we weren't using any protection, so anything was possible). the delivery was more detailed in this dream, I almost felt the pain. I gave birth to a teeny tiny baby. So very small, but completely healthy, just tiny. i'm not sure if it was a boy or a girl. When the nurse went to hand me my baby, s/he was all swaddled in a blanket and the nurse almost dropped her (i'll just say her, although Im not sure) and everyone blamed me. But I had this beautiful baby, and my boyfriend was with me and even though everyone was telling at us and saying mean things to us, Rob (my bf) closed the door and locked everyone out and we sat there with our baby.


They were like fragments of dreams. Probably because it was so hot in our house that I kept waking up every 20 minutes or so.

It's weird. Last time I had so many baby dreams, I was pg. Why is it that ever since my m/c, I constantly think i'm pg every time af is due!!! It's NUTS!!!
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  #5  
August 4th, 2006, 08:00 AM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well it looks like any hope of TTCing are gone.

My boyfriend is leaving me. i'm so lost right now. I feel like all hopes for a baby are gone. My heart is breaking.
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  #6  
August 21st, 2006, 01:59 PM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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BF and I made up. made out. had the whole make-up sex thing!!!

so all is not lost.

except that he was supposed to call me before he left for BC for three weeks and I haven't been able to get a hold of him
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  #7  
September 3rd, 2006, 09:10 PM
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I am so glad that you got back together hun! As for your dreams I have those dreams where everyone I know gets pg but me. I hate them. Anyway good luck and did he ever call you?
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  #8  
September 5th, 2007, 07:38 AM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It's been a really long time since i've posted on JM, but I just thought that i'd drop in and say hi.

I moved across country to be with my boyfriend (moved from ONtario to British Columbia) and things are great. We're planning on officially trying for a baby in about 6 months or so, but for now we're not trying but not NOT trying... basically... whatever happens, happens!

I hope everyone else is doing fantastic.

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  #9  
October 23rd, 2007, 01:17 PM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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so... BF and I are unofficially officially trying. LOL. what I mean by that is that we are trying... as in we're having lots of unprotected sex all the time. LOL. VERY FUN!! hahahh

The funny thing is, my bf won't admit that we are... yet, we were in Wal-Mart on the weekend and were looking at baby stuff. we're standing there in front of the car seats and he's telling me which one we are going to get. LOL. I turned to him and said "what are we doing? i'm not even pregnant". as i walked away, I heard him mumble... " well, not yet". LOL

anyway... just wanted to share inkcheer:
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  #10  
January 9th, 2008, 08:25 AM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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another year... another start to trying.

I keep wondering if this will be the month... if this will be the year... it's been almost two years now since i had my m/c...

I got one of those jenny renny predictions awhile back... and it said i'd be having a baby in Sept 08 (i think... I can't remember now if it was birth date or conceive date.... I have to find the link to the site) and i'm still wondering if it's gonna happen. if it's the birth date, then I should be preggers this month!!! So.. here's hopin!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!
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  #11  
January 16th, 2008, 01:38 PM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well... AF is due today. took an internet cheapie test this morning... and NOTHING. haha.

but noooooo sign of AF yet.

i'm still hoping that JennyRenny prediction was true!!! highly doubtful... but you never know!!

i'm just popping in on my lunch at work.

so far... just a big :BFN

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  #12  
February 12th, 2008, 08:25 AM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am feeling sooooooooooo positive about this cycle!!

things have just felt really right!!! Lots of BDing has been taking place. CM has been looking pretty darn good. it's been a full year since I took that ONE shot of depo provera so it should be comPLETELY out of my system!!

AND it took this little online tarot reading and two of the seven cards were these ones:

The Sun
Briefly: There is also the possibility, for those who desire a child, that a pregnancy is imminent. Any new business venture also has the signs of success written on it, so proceed with confidence that all will be well.


and

Queen of Cups
Briefly: You could be about to achieve a position that is very dear to your heart or perhaps child birth or a wedding.


feelin pretty darn good over here!!
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  #13  
August 19th, 2008, 10:35 PM
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Just browsing around and came across this! Just wanted to say I did my own tarot reading last year, summer 07 to be correct and the cards came up with Queen of Cups. I read into it, and it said to expect a child within the year... I laughed since I wasnt that serious with my bf at the time and never expected to have kids after 2 years of TTC with my previous ex. Lo and behold... you guessed it. Good luck!! Sept 08 sounds promissing!!
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