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Linette's journal...


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  #1  
March 21st, 2007, 05:24 AM
linbein's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: St. Louis, MO
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Okay, my first entry here....I'll put some background so that I can remember dates and such for future reference.

In December of 06, DH and I decided we were ready to finally start TTC #2. I went off of birth control, and ended up pregnant in January. On Feb. 10th, I realized that my period was a few days late, took a test, and whadda yah know! We were in shock! We just couldn't believe it happend quite THAT fast. We got preggo with DD in like a month and a half as well, but I have thyroid issues now, we're older, etc, etc, I just thought it would take longer. I am mad at myself now...because we weren't as excited as we should've been when we found out. We were like "Oh...well....I'll be pregnant when we go on vacation...." etc, etc. But once the shock wore off, I was getting excited. An October baby! How fun! Fall is my favorite time of the year after all, and having a baby just in time for the holidays was going to be awesome!

Well, on March 6th, 2007, we went in for our first pre-natal appointment and u/s. We went in for the u/s first, and the tech says "Hmm....there is the sac...but no baby.." DH and I were in shock. But the exam was quick, and she shuffled us back to the waiting room. We sat there in shock, not knowing what to think....did we just hear that we didn't have a baby???? DH kept putting his arm around me, and I kept shrugging him off, cause I was in a waiting room, with all these people...all these pregnant women....I couldn't cry...I had to keep my composure...we got in to talk to my doctor, and she asked me again about my dates. I was certain...however, it was my first month off of birth control, so maybe the dates of ovulation were screwy or something...but let's face it, we have a 3 year old at home, my husband is a police officer, works shifts, and we don't get a lot of alone time. We literally had sex like twice in January, so we knew when it was...anyways...she said that there was a chance that if my dates were a little off they might not see what they wanted to see, but it didn't look good, and that she wanted me to come back in a week for a follow-up u/s. So, I waited what was probably the longest most torturous week of my life, only to go back in and see the same thing. I actually had 2 apts that day, because I wasn't happy with how I was treated at my doctor's office. The 2nd doctor was wonderful. The u/s tech took her time and made sure that I understood everything she was looking at and everything. I was fully convinced after her exam that there was no baby to see....The sac looked like a big empty hole.

I scheduled my D&C for the following Thursday. And actually by that afternoon, I was feeling mildly crampy. Then suddenly after dinner, was hit with some MAJOR cramps. I'm still not sure if that was the beginning of me trying to miscarry naturally or if it was just all the stress built up from the week, and finally knowing the truth just killed me.

On Thursday March 15th, I had my D&C. When I woke up in recovery, I was crying. The nurse kept asking me if I was in pain, I just kept saying "no". I just finally felt empty now that it was all over.

It's just funny the way things work....over the last few years, I have not wanted to be pregnant, stayed on my birth control, saying we weren't ready for another baby yet, and quite frankly we weren't. My DD was a very difficult infant, and a very difficult toddler, we weren't ready then for the added stress. However, now...I want nothing more than to be pregnant again. Crazy huh? I feel like I wasted all that time...especially because we had no issues with Kiley's pregnancy, I didn't expect any this time. When I found out I was pregnant, that was it....wasn't worried....didn't have any indication that I was about to become a "statistic".

So, now I am waiting. I am still bleeding from my D&C. It hasn't even been quite a week yet. I'm hoping it will stop soon so that my cycle can begin and I can TTC as soon as possible. Again...here I wait...I feel like I did during that week waiting to know the future of my pregnancy...just waiting...

I almost feel like I don't have a home on the boards. I don't belong to my October DDC anymore...I post a bit on the pregnancy loss board, but I am ready to get pregnant again. Maybe because I never got to "see" my baby...not that I'm not attached...because I fully miss it even if it only grew the first few weeks, it was my baby still. But I am ready to get pregnant again, and many women there aren't necessarily ready, however, when I'm having a really bad day...it's nice to go there for support to get through. I am starting to chart my temps. I'm hoping I can pinpoint if I do actually ovulate before I get a normal period again, mostly just to know. I don't necesarily want to get preggo before I get a normal cycle. But I can't keep an accurate fertility chart....so I don't really belong there....it's hard to say I belong here just yet...cause I am not TTC just yet. Heck, DH and I can't even DTD just yet....hasn't even been a week since the D&C.
But I do feel this is where i best belong. Cause you better belive that as soon as I get the green light, I'm all over it. And hopefully our past track record will prove true once again, and we will get pregnant really soon.

The new doctor I saw told us that he doesn't ever say there is any time that a woman "has" to wait to get pregnant again. He has many women that get pregnant before they get a normal cycle, and go on to have healthy normal pregnancies. He said "Heck, my brother is 10.5 months older than I am!" hehe! So, he gave us hope. I would like to wait for a normal cycle for timing's sake, because I would really hate to not know my dates, go in early and see an empty sac again, I couldn't take it!! They'd have to commit me for sure! So...again...I wait. We go to Disney World in a few weeks. It's DD's first real vacation, and we are very excited, so hopefully it will take our minds off of things somewhat. DH and I keep joking because now that I can drink again, we plan on going back to Epcot Center one evening (leaving DD with my parents since they are going with us) and drink around the world (the World showcase). We start in Mexico for dinner, having margaritas, we'll hit Germany and Brittain, and all the places with any good bars! Heck, after the month we have had, we need it!!! And hopefully...just maybe I might return from this trip with the best souvenir of all...

I know one thing, and this I vow....I will never take pregnancy for granted again. I will be so excited the next time I see a positve pregnancy test!!!! I got too cocky. I didn't have any issues the first time around, assumed too much that I wouldn't have any issues this time...and it all came back up in my face, so next time, things will be different, my attitude will be so much different, I will cherish that bean from day one. And I do know that I will be even more worried until I get that first u/s and see that things are going okay. How do you get past that paranoia after having a loss??

My cousin's wife is pregnant right now...she's due in June....and we have to see them for Easter It's going to be very hard for me to see her....knowing that I'm not pregnant anymore. We had beent hinking that there were going to be 2 babies at Christmas this year, and that the two of them would be close in age and be able to play together and everything but now....I have no idea when we'll have our much wanted second baby...and it's just going to be tough.
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  #2  
March 23rd, 2007, 05:21 AM
linbein's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ok, so I took a pregnancy test this morning. I want to keep taking them at each week mard so that maybe I can be able to tell when my hormones drop. I got excited at first, cause it was coming up negative, but then the postive line popped in there. So, one week after D&C, still "pregnant". That's okay though..I have heard it can take a few weeks. Will check it again next week. My lbleeding has pretty much stopped though, so that is good, just a little brown here and there. YAY! And I feel 100% better than I did just Monday of this week.

Is it normal to be completely obsessed about this after having a loss??? All I think about all day long is being pregnant again...or going through the news in my head again, the sadness...the emptiness..ALL I THINK ABOUT!! I sit here at work cruising all kinds of message boards about TTC again after a miscarriage. I don't know what it is exactly that I am looking for. I guess I'm looking for that one message from someone giving me absolute permission to go for it again soon and let me know that it's all going to be okay. And deep down, I know that answer is not there. I don't know if it will be okay...if I conceive again in a few weeks...or even a few months.....and that scares me more than anything.
My new doctor did give me permission. He said that there is no higher risk of miscarriage if I get pregnant right away. He said that the body will not get pregnant if it is not ready. Then I do hear other stories, where women miscarry, then get pregnant right away, miscarry again, and find out that their doctor is saying it's because they didn't wait....nutrience stores are low...endometrium is too thin...etc, etc.
WHO DO I BELIEVE??? WHAT DO I DO??
I feel in my heart that I am ready to be pregnant ASAP! I want another baby!!! I am ready to be a mom again!
I think I am somewhat at that anger stage...have been really since the day of the surgery. The hospital we go to always sends in someone to pray for you and such when you go in for a surgery. I wanted to kick that man out of my room because I was so upset. I am not an extremely religious person....but I do have my beliefs. It just seems that everytime I have ever prayed for anything in my life, nothing comes of it, and my Mom always says "God answers prayers in different ways." Well, I prayed hard that week I was waitng. I wanted God to spare my bean, to let me keep it...I'm a good Mom....I think I deserve another baby....and when I went in for the second u/s and still saw nothing, I got angry. WHY? What did I do?? What did I ever do to him to make him punish me this way?? Everyone says things happen for a reason, and I do believe that...but what reason is there for this?? Then I keep thinking I'm being punished because I wasn't so excited when I first found out I was pregnant so fast....neither one of us were. We were mostly in shock. It's not that I didn't want the baby. We went off BC to get pregnant, we just didn't expect it so fast. My first thoughts were all the things it was going to affect....like vacation and things. But then I thought "OH WELL!" and I got excited...so excited to have a little baby again. DH was even getting excited about it. And when we found out there was no baby....I think we both had feelings of guilt.

ANYWAYS, I'm rambling...but I guess that's normal. I need to get things out so that I don't lose my mind.

I wanted to wait a full cycle to try again....but you know what? If things do happen for a reason...and if God wants me to have another baby...then it will happen, right? I'm not going on birth control for the next few weeks just to avoid it. We are pretty fertile though....so it may happen. I know it's safe at the moment, I still have the pregnancy hormones, so my body isn't going to ovulate just yet. I am trying to keep an eye on that..looking for signs...taking my temps, etc. I may not know when it happens. I never did before...never had any O pain or anything...so we'll see I guess. In the mean time, I'm still taking my pre-natal vitamins, still taking the Expecta DHA stuff...still trying to not drink too much...I do like my wine, and am enjoying a few glasses while I can. My vacation will be my last HURRAH for a while. I'm not even going to risk it after that. After vacation, I'm completely abstaining from alcohol until after the next baby gets here...that is...if things happen fast. Hey...I'm only so strong! I keep feeling guilt from that as well. I had no idea things would happen so fast. I drank a few times...now looking back after I know I got pregnant. I didn't know at the time...but I had a margarita one day.....and probably the night I got pregnant, we got pretty wasted with some friends on several bottles of wine...and then the night before i found out I was pregnant, I had a few beers. And I was taking Aleve for my headaches on a normal basis. So, I can't help but think it was something I did that prevented the little bean from making it.The doc says no, that a blighted ovum is usually just a genetic issue, a chromosomal division issue...but still....I have guilt. SO, this time, after our vacation, no alcohol, I'm going to start treating my body as if I'm already pregnant just to try to ease my mind if anything happens next time around.

Ugh....did I wait too long?? I always wanted to space my kids out by just a few years...however, we were not prepared for how stressful our first baby would be. She had colic, and acid reflux, and she cried, and cried. DH and I almost ended up divorced, because the stress was so hard on us. We knew that some things are worth fighting for, and we love each other very much, so we stuck it out, and I'm glad we did. I guess for the longest time, we thought that having another baby might be the final straw, and we wouldn't make it, so we gave ourselves plenty of time to get used to being parents, and being a family. And time got away from us. My daughter is going to be 4 now. And she has no one to play with....and here we are...in limbo....not knowing when we will be able to give her a sibling. I never ever thought I'd have issues getting pregnant or staying that way....if only I had known, I would've started trying last year....

I'm trying to remain positive, but I am literally torn as to what to do from here....get pregnant?? Yes, please...but the worry...the guilt of it being too close to the surgery....am I just being selfish if I make it happen to fast...is that fair that I feel I'm not giving the next one the best chance possible??? Maybe...maybe not....how would I live with the guilt if I got pregnant right away and had another miscarriage??? How could I live that??? But I want to be pregnant. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!
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  #3  
March 26th, 2007, 05:24 AM
linbein's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ok, so I was getting all excited, thinking as of last week that the bleeding from the D&C had stopped as of Thursday. I was like "Ok, a week out, I'm right on track!" So, Friday night, I was feelig fine physically, and emotionally just wanted to reconnect with DH, so we DTD. I know some people say their docs say to wait 2 weeks, mine didn't say anything, and most sources I have seen say "1 week or when the bleeding stops". Well, it was both of those. Anyways, it went fine, no pain (which I was a little worried about), and then on Saturday, no spotting afterwards, so I figured all was well. We hadn't been together in almost 3 weeks due to all the stress, and then the surgery. So, we both really needed it to feel close again. ANYWAYS, yesterday morning I get up, walk into Kiley's room, and felt a little "gush". I went to the bathroom, and sure enough, DARK red blood. GREAT!! So, back to the pads. It didn't get any worse though, and by the end of the day it was gone. So, I'm thinking it could've just been from having sex. But why a whole day later?? Hmm... So, then I got all upset yesteday thinking about what a set back it was, and how much longer I will have to wait, etc, etc. but when it stopped last night, I feel that it was just a fluke, so hopefully....maybe about 3 weeks out, I'll still get my first AF.
I just want to get this wait out of the way so I can feel free and clear to TTC again. I just want that little "green light" to feel better.
I think I'm going to buy some ovulation predictor test strips as well to start those and see if I can pinpoint if I do O before I get AF. I am charting my temps, but I just have no idea what I'm looking for. I'm so confused about it. I don't know if it will acurately show me BEFORE hand if I am O'ing or not. ACK!
I swear, everywhere I go lately, I see pregnant women! It's just killing me!! I keep thinking about how unfair it is....and it just kills me. My cousin just lost her baby as well..due to ectopic pregnancy. I keep thinking that things could be a lot worse, if anything my loss was easier on my body. She had to have the tube removed, and her other tube has so much scar tissue from endometriosis that the doc said she may never conceive again. So, I do thank my lucky stars that I am still relatively healthy and should be able to concieve again quickly. *crossing fingers*
It just seems that miscarriage is so common right now....I guess it has always been relatively common, maybe I just overlooked it...but when I got pregnant with Kiley, I didn't worry at all. Sure, I knew that hte first trimester was a touchy time, but I didn't worry. Maybe deep down, I knew all was well...intuition? And with this pregnancy I worried non-stop from the beginning...again...intuition? But now? I'm almost afraid to get pregnant again. I have seen so many friends and family and have talked to so many women that have gone through it, it just seems like miscarriage is more common that carrying a baby. So, I know that when I do get pregnant again, I'm going to be FREAKING out the entire time, and I know that's not healthy. When I got pregnant with Kiley, I just assumed, I'm pregnant, I'll have a baby. Thought the same thing with this one, was ignoring those awful worries, just assumed, I'll have a baby. But now that I have gone through this? I don't know how I'll go one day without thinking of losing the baby next time around. How do I get through that? How do I cope with the worry??
Then I see these drug addicted, alcoholic women go to term....not that I wish anyone to lose their baby, but why is it someone who has no care for that unborn baby can go to term, and then someone like me, or like many friends and family I know, that are so careful, always doing everything in the best interest of their unborn child, we are the ones that lose our babies?
I'll be at the 2 week out mark this week....I'm really hoping AF will be only about 2 weeks away...actually waiting 3 weeks wouldn't be so bad. We will be in Florida at the 4 week mark....would prefer AF to wait till I get home....hehehe...fat chance I bet. I'll be happy to see her either way, but would like to get in some swimming on vacation. We are renting a house and it has its own pool and everything, so I'd like to get to enjoy it. And I have heard that the first AF after a miscarriage can be quite painful and heavy. I don't want to have to deal with that while walking around Disney World. I want to be able to fully enjoy this trip with Kiley. Afterall, she is the light of my life and the single thing that keeps me going everyday! She deserves my attention, and she deserves for me to be happy and excited about spending this vacation with her, and not wallowing in my sorrows. I have been trying to stay upbeat around her...but that bleeding incident yesterday left me down again. I keep trying to work past it everytime I see her. I think that things would be a lot worse if I didn't have her. If I had lost a pregnancy, and didn't have a little one at home, I'd be worse right now.

Anyways, on happier off topic notes, tomorrow is Marc's birthday! The big 3-1! Oficially INTO the 30's. It's crazy, I remember spending his 21st birthday together. It's amazing to think how long we have been together. And it's hard to think that we are now "in our 30's". Granted, I just got to 30 a few months ago, but still...."thirty-somethings" . Ugh....what happened to our 20's? I think we should've started our family earlier. Each year, I feel myself dragging further down...how sad is that??? Maybe having a baby later will help keep us young!
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  #4  
March 27th, 2007, 05:13 AM
linbein's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Not alot has changed since yesterday....took another pregnancy test last night...still positive, but a very very faint line this time.
I orderd some OPK's yesterday from Ebay, like 25 of them or something...so I'm going to start using those on a normal basis until I get AF. I just want to be safe here. I just know that I'd feel so guilty if I did get pregnant soon, and ended up having another m/c. And I don't know if I could try again if I had another. At least not for a long time. I couldn't handle another loss...

Right now, I'm trying to distract myself by planning our vacation. We are taking Kiley to Disney World. And we leave 2 weeks from today!!! Yesterday, I made her an appointment at the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique styling salon. She's going to get her hair all done up like a princess, and she gets a little light make-up and pixie dust in her hair, and she gets her nails done. It looks really cute, and I know she's going to have a blast doing it. The bad thing...there is a store attached to this salon that has everything imaginable there for the Princess stuff. It looks insane!! I know we are not going to get away from this vacation without spending a small fortune!! I wanted to get her to the salon the first day we get there, cause we basically have a lot of time to kill once we get in town till we can check in to the house we are renting. But they were booked through the 14th. So, I scheduled her, but they said to keep calling back to check as much as I want between now and the time we leave to see if there are any cancellations or anything sooner that week. She's going to love it!
I swear, I'm finding out all this stuff from people who have been there, that I didn't even know about...like this Photo Pass thing? Evidently, they now take pictures of you all over the park (the professional photographers), pics with the characters, all kinds of stuff, then you get this little card, and when you get home, you log onto the web site, and all your photos are there. You can order them, or edit them, all kinds of stuff. Of course, I have heard that the photo cd, is like like $130 or something crazy. It's amazing how much they money you to doeath. but it's just so hard to say no when it involves one adorable little princess! This is the first vacation we have taken with her, and might not go anywhere like this again for a while, so I'm definitely going to make the best of it with her.
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  #5  
March 29th, 2007, 05:07 AM
linbein's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So, I took another HPT this morning. I'm now 2 weeks out from my D&C and the test was a BFN!!!! It almost looked like at the very end a faint little start of a line was trying to pop up, but when I tested last week, the faint line showed up immediately, so I'm not counting that. Just one more reason why I love the digitals. I hate those faint lines and everything. I just didn't want to waste money on a lot of digis. I got el cheapos! I'm just excited that my levels are going down, and are now undetectable. I was so worried that I'd keep having a positive, and when it came down to actually testing again for a new pregnancy, I wouldn't know. So, YAY!!! One step closer to getting my life back on track and getting things moving in the right direction again!!
What I need to do now is check into some barrier methods of birth control beyond condoms. Neither one of us likes them. I just don't want to take any chances of becoming pregnant between now and AF. If I can just get that first cycle over with, I feel a lot more comfortable about getting pregnant again.
I still have another week till my follow-up appointment. A week from tomorrow actually. I wonder how long she'll tell me to wait to TTC again. My other doc said I didn't have to wait at all, so I"ll be interested to see what she has to say.
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  #6  
April 2nd, 2007, 05:11 AM
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My temps are all over the place crazy the past several days. At one point last week, I had a dip then it went up the next day. I thought "Ok, now if it stays up, hopefully I'll ovulate and AF will be only a few weeks away". Well, the next day my temps took a nose dive, climbed again, then down again. It's weird, I'm confused. As if I wasn't confused enough with charting, my body is just not sure what it's doing at the moment.
I did take one more HPT last night, because that one last week looked like that faint line was trying to come up at the end. Well, this one had NO faint line at all. So, that's good! I have been taking OPK's the last few days as well, I want to stay on top of this and know what's going on in my body.
We leave for Florida next week!!!!! We are so excited to get away and relax for a few days!! I just have to get through this 4 day work week. Then I have to work on Monday next week, then I'm off for over a week! YAY!! The weekend is going to be crazy. We have to get a lot of shopping done on Saturday. The whole family needs some summer clothes. Sunday is Easter, so that day is spent with family. My parents are meeting us down there, so they're leaving on Monday since they are driving. I think they are crazy for driving. A 20 hour drive, that takes us 2 hours to fly! They leave EARLY Monday morning, and won't be there till Tuesday evening. We leave Tuesday morning at 6:30, and we're in Orlando by 9:30am (8:30 MO time).
I need to buy a bathing suit too.....BLACH!! Last summer, I looked good in one....however, I have gained 20 lbs since then...and not looking forward to getting into a swim suit. ACK!
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  #7  
April 24th, 2007, 05:01 AM
linbein's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Figured I should keep this somewhat updated. AF finally showed as of Friday last week! Which I am thrilled about because now I feel "normal" and can actively TTC again! According to the first day of AF, I should be aiming for May 5th, 6th, and 7th. I found a website before I was trying to get pregnant this last time that has an ovulation calendar on there based on your LMP date, and you can enter if you want to try preference for a boy or girl, and it gives you the dates that would probabyl best chance it. So, according to that next weekend it is! And good thing, DH is off! I'm also going to use some OPK's too just to see if I actually do O, cause I'd like to be on top of things. A February baby sounds good to me!
So, we had a blast in Florida!! Kiley had the best time. She loved her Princess makeover. She looked adorable, and turned every head in the park when she walked by. We kept saying she was the perfect spokesmodel for the Bibbity Bobbity Boutique, cause everyone kept stopping me asking me where we got her hair done and stuff. It was hilarious! I should've gotten some money for that! hehe!
It's hard to believe we've already been back a week today. Vacations take forever to come, but then they are gone in a flash.

So, my only concern about TTC this month. I have been charting, and according to my chart, I O'd sometime during that week of vacation. It is hard to say because I forgot to take my OPK's, and I had to take my temp at some weird times a few of the mornings, but it was within an hour or so of normal time. Anyways, according to that, my luteal phase was only like 7 days. It is possible maybe I didn't O at all though I guess...but I did have a pretty good temp pattern there at the end. So, part of me thinks maybe I should hold out and start trying next month....but what's the worst that could happen this month? Just not get preggers, right? I think that I'm going to just keep charting as a side note to try to see what's going on, but we are just going to BD like crazy over the next few months. It's just funny cause I had no problems getting pregnant the first time, happened in like a month and a half. Then this last time, I was pregnant the first month. So, having to worry about when to do it and everything, it's just too stressful. But I would like to get pregnant again soon. So, I just want to better our chances. Hopefully it won't take long. We have proven to be very fertile in the past. hehehe!
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  #8  
May 3rd, 2007, 12:36 PM
linbein's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So....this week is the week...our window! All signs have definitely been pointing towards ovulation. EWCM, CP is high, increased sex drive, sore bbs, the whole nine yards. Today my temp went up. But my OPK's are still negative. I'm really hoping to see that positive when I take one today. I think I am going to go buy some from Walgreen's, part of me just doesn't have faith in my internet cheapies.
I was actually going to just let whatever happens happen, not really planning on BDing a lot this week, but DH has actually been instigating it. And he knows this is the week! So, that makes me feel a little better about him wanting another just as bad as I do. At this point, I think we are just going to make sure to BD everyday the rest of the week. Heck, DD is at my parents' house this weekend, so we might actually get twice in a day for once. hehehe!
I would just like to see a positive result on the OPK..

Here's to happy baby making!!!
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  #9  
May 4th, 2007, 05:30 AM
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Ok, so I am even more frustrated this morning! My temp stayed up and FF says I O'd a few days ago. It's putting me 3 DPO. I just really feel like that is not it. My OPK's have all been negative, I have still had a lot of EWCM, and I mean a lot. I was having some lower abdomen pain and twinges on my right side as of yesterday. So, who knows!! We skipped a day of BDing cause I had negative results on the OPK, and figured it wouldn't hurt to skip a day, and it only puts our intercourse timing in the "good" category for FF. So, I guess we'll see. I'm going to continue taking some OPK's the next several days, and continue BDing just in case, wouldn't want to miss it in case it didn't happen, but I think I have a pretty obvious thermal shift, so I guess we'll see.
I am not even sure when to test....cause I'm not even sure when to expect AF. I had a very short luteal phase last cycle...at least according to the date that FF put my ovulation...so I just don't know. I guess I'll wait about 10 or 11 days from now and see...and if still no AF, I'll take a test...although seeing BFN's is so discouraging.
Next month will probably be out, cause DH will be on his midnight shift, and we rarely see each other during that shift, much less have time to BD. Not with DD around anyways. The only time we are really together is the evenings, and we can't very well just go upstairs and lock her out. By the time I'm putting her to bed, he has to leave for work, and when he comes home, I'm heading out the door. GRRR!!!
FF says if I did conceive, I'd be due around Jan 22. My birthday is the 18th...how cool of a BDay present would that be? And if I did O when it says I did....I could probably get a BFP around Mother's Day....hmm....I can wishful think right?
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  #10  
May 7th, 2007, 06:49 AM
linbein's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I am now officially in the 2WW. It just feels like all I've been doing since that first u/s in March is waiting. Waiting to find out the fate of my pregnancy, waiting for surgery, waiting for bleeding to stop, waiting for AF. And now...I wait again....either for AF to show again, or to see what I've been longing for...that BFP! I know that if I did get pregnant this time around, I'm going to be such a basket case until that first u/s...well...and probably through the whole pregnancy as well. I'm going to try not to stress too much, I know it's not healthy, but I will definitely be worried that something is going to go wrong.
I keep looking at my chart...yeah...as if there is anything I can do right now. At least all last week, I was consumed with BDing and charting, and testing. Now this week, all I can do is wait. FF says I should wait till 16-18 DPO to test. WTH? I know I don't have a good chart to go by, and quite frankly, if I were going to get AF, I'm sure I'd get it by then, but man, that seems like a long time to wait. I think I'm going to go ahead and test at 10DPO....then if it's negative, I'll wait a few more days, and if still no AF, check again.
Part of me is tempted to do a little experiment with this. Since I'm a bit of a POAS addict anyways. Some tests can detect HCG as early as 7 DPO. I still have quite a few internet cheapies on hand...so I was thinking of taking one every morning starting either 7 or 8 DPO, and just watch it and see just how early it could come up positive (if it is to be this month). Would be interesting to see, and something to consume my times. hehehe...Hey...I'm a scientist...I can't help it!
I'm still a bit unsure of my exact O date. I have a pretty obvious thermal shift, but never saw a positive OPK. Never got more than a very faint test line as a matter of fact, so I just don't know. We BD'd quite a bit, so I think we gave everything a good oppurtunity, so we'll see. We have never had any issues getting pregnant in the past. Each time was the first month trying, so hopefully....it will happen like that for us again. We always joke around about how fertile we are. hehe
Here's hoping for a BFP either next weekened, or earlier next week...
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  #11  
May 9th, 2007, 08:05 AM
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OK!! I am dying here! I'm becoming obsessed with just staring at my chart, and trying to read so much more into it than I can really get out of it. I'm only 7DPO....and there are dotted crosshairs, so it may not even be accurate. I can't test, it's too early to tell anything. AAAHHH!!!! When are they ever going to figure out a way to tell if you are pregnant as soon as it happens???? I just hate not knowing!!I have a really good feeling, however, I just don't want to get let down either, so I'm trying not to get my hopes too high just in case. This next month would be hard...Marc is on his midnight shift, so being able to BD whenever we need to isn't going to be possible. BOO!!
I just want to be pregnant again so much...and a January baby would just be wonderful....I just never realized this would consume me so much.
All I want this mother's day is a
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  #12  
May 17th, 2007, 10:54 AM
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Allright, so this wasn't out cycle. AF came a few days earlier than expected too. My LP was only 10 days. My whole cycle was only 22 days long. That's really short for me. However, AF has been much more normal this time around, so hopefully that's a sign that this cycle will be trying to get back to normal for me.
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  #13  
May 22nd, 2007, 08:32 AM
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I'm going crazy this cycle....I almost really wish that I had never started charting or anything. I liked my "whatever happens happen" happy go lucky attitude TTC the last two times. Of course, i didnt' even have to "try".It just happened for me fast both times. Now I sit here searching the internet, reading this site, starting at my chart, comparing my chart, taking OPK's, searching for pictures of OPK's. It's so stressful. I think this might be my last cycle doing all this. I mean, yeah, I'll keep track of days and all, so I know a general idea of when I need to BD, but I don't know if I can take all this obsessiveness much more.
Isn't it just amazing? I spent the last 4 years not wanting to get pregnant again, and now? Now that I want it more than anything, I discover that it might not be so easy for me again. Hmm...
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  #14  
June 5th, 2007, 07:42 AM
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Well, here I am sitting 6DPO again. Just waiting to test. I think that the 2WW is the most helpless time of your cycle, because there is nothing you can do but wait! It's out of your hands, and at this point there is nothing else you can do about it. If it happened, it happened, and if it didn't, it didn't....aaahhh!!!!
My chart is still looking pretty good, temp had another rise this morning, so I'm happy about that, although I guess it doesn't really mean much, last cycle I had a steady climb, and nothing. So...we'll see...
I do have a busy week this week though, so I'm hoping that'll make things go faster. Kiley has her dance rehearsal tomorrow, so we'll be on the go all evening long. DH is back to his afternoon shift, so I play single Mom so that keeps me busy as it is. Tonight when I pick her up, we are heading straight to the party supply store so that we can get some stuff for her birthday party...I can't believe she's going to be four! That just seems crazy! I never wanted my kids spaced out quite this much...at this rate, she will be almost 5 when the second is born...if not 5....we'll see how long this takes.
We had perfect timing this cycle. We BD'd at all the right times, so if it didn't happen...I will be somewhat surprised, given our past track record of being very fertile!
I am making a promise to myself though! If I am not pregnant this cycle...I will devote myself whole-heartedly back to weight watchers. I've been going back to the meetings, but the motivation just isn't there. In the 5 weeks so far, I've lost like 1.8 lbs...yeah...that's great...I still have about 12 lbs to get back to my goal weight...but I just keep saying "what does it matter if I'm going to get pregnant anyways?" But if it didn't happen this cycle, I just need to push that thought out of my mind and really work this again and just try to focus on getting back to my healthy weight in the meantime. Who knows...this could take a while...I hope not...but it could.
I ordered a really cute t-shirt for Kiley today. I have decided that it's how I'm going to tell my parents the next time I do get pregnant. It says on the front "I have a secret" then on the back it says "I'm going to be a big sister". I think it'll be a cute way of telling them. And if it is this cycle, DH's Mom will be in town the weekend of the 22nd for Kiley's birthday, so it will be perfect timing to tell her that way too.
I'm actually feeling somewhat nauseous today....but it could be a million different things....
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  #15  
June 6th, 2007, 06:06 AM
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So, I'm 7DPO as of today, and I just wanted to list the current symptoms I have...just in case..whether they be normal pre-AF or possible early PG symptoms so I can look back for future reference.

I have been crampy off and on since I O'd...seems to be a normal occurance for me.
I have been really constipated the last several days...may or may not be normal...I tend to get it in bouts, but hasn't been this bad for a while.
I have been pretty gassy...which happened at the beginning of my last pregnancy.
My skin hasn't started breaking out yet, which normally a few days before AF, I start to get a lot of zits.
I have had a bit of a runny nose the last few days as well. Which could just be the normal allergies for this time of the year.
And I have noticed that the last couple of days I have been more fatigued then normal.
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  #16  
June 7th, 2007, 05:28 AM
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Ok...8DPO...a few more symptoms to add...

Last night I was brushing my teeth, and my gums bled just a bit. I got some weird twinging pain on the left side of my left bb last night, kinda up towards my arm pit.
Fullness in abdomen today, and crampy still..
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  #17  
June 12th, 2007, 08:24 AM
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Well, I guess this is my last entry in my "TTC journal" because Sunday I got my
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