[~*Kixs*~]

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[~*Kixs*~]

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[~*Kixs*~]

I am so nervous! My sister-in-law called me last night and said that she thinks she is PG. She got a really faint positive but I am thinking it could be an evaperation line b/c she used EPT and they are know for that. I really hope she is pg. She lost here 1st at 10w due to a subcorionic bleed. Her and her husband we devistated. We were pg at the same time and I lost my baby a week after she did. It was a hard time for our family and I think a new baby is what we all need.

I just hope DH & I can PG this cycle too. It would be neat to be pg with her and I would love for our kids to be close in age. I have 4 cousins and we are all a year apart and it was so much fun growing up with that closeness. We are all still close and are more like brothers and sisters than cousins. I really want to be able to give my children that same joy I had growing up.

DH and I are the only one with a child out of all his sibling and my sister is only 13 so I would love to have a niece or nefew. I was so excited when my SIL told us she was pg with her 1st. I was almost as excited as when we found out we were pg. She will be such a good mom and her husband will be such a good dad. DD just loves them and they are so good with her. SIL is going to test again in a day or two and let us know if the line gets any darker. I am just going to pray and pray and pray for them.

I have been pretty jealous of pg ladies since we lost our angel but I am not with my SIL. Maybe b/c it is family or b/c she has had a loss and truly wants a child. I just hope that if she is pg she will have a healthy 9m and a screaming pink baby!

[~*Kixs*~]

It is just NOT FAIR! DH's childhood friend called just now to announce that he is going to be a daddy. I am so angry! This guy is 28 years old, only moved out of his mothers house 6 months ago, has been out of work for over a month, never has a steady job, smokes pot all day long, and this baby was planned! God know what other type of drugs he does...last time we saw him he pulled a coke out of his pocket and said "I forgot it was there"! We were all at some friends house who have a two year old and our two year old was running around! WHY WOULD YOU BRING THAT INTO A HOUSE WITH KIDS! He is just a dumb #####! Not to mention he has been dating his girlfriend for 7 months, living with her for 6, she has been out of work for several months and is only 18! I have nothing against young moms (I was 22 when we got pg with DD) but this girl has no idea what a looser this guy is and now she has just screwed up the rest of her life! God bless her and that baby b/c he is not going to make it easy for them. Why is it that I can't carry a baby and this boob gets one! I am just so mad. Thanks for letting me get this out. JM is awesome!

[~*Kixs*~]

Wow I am negitive! I think I need to lighten up some times. I had a good weekend with DH & DD. We did lots of running around with friends. AF stopped for 2 days and then came back for a day and then left agian and now I am spotting Just 11 more days until we start the baby making
I saw the funniest shirt in the mall this weekend. It said "practice makes pregnant". I am going to have to get that when our time comes. DH & I joke that DD is such a good child b/c we had to 'practice' so long to get her. The shirt seems to fit in with that.

[~*Kixs*~]

So I have been really stressed this last week.

My DD was sick with tonsillitis and I stayed home with her. It is so hard when they are little and don't feel good b/c all they do is whine and the only thing you can do is hold them and try. I hate seeing her in pain Thank the Lord she is better now! But I am now offically out of sick time for the year at work. DH is going to have to pick up the slack if she gets sick anymore.

Work is crazy! We are going thru a 'restructering' and my department is going away. We are all being intergrated out to other departments so at lease we will still have a job and our pay will not change. The challange is that everything is being kept so hush hush and we have not been told when this is happening or what new departments we are being moved to

I have it on good faith that we are moving on WEDNESDAY of THIS WEEK!!! And this has not even been announsed yet! (I was told by my manager) I know I am going to the department I wanted so that is good but I am just stress with how little respect that my company has for its employees.

I am being retained for an extra week to train on my job function b/c my work is pretty specialized. I am sad to go. I really like my manager. She is such a good leader and a friend too.

The worsest news of all is that my cousins 5 year old son is been diagnosed with Leukemia My heart just breaks for them!

My cousin took him to the doctors Wednesday b/c he had had a cold for 3 weeks and was not getting any better. The doctor keeps saying it is a sinus infection. Well she kept pushing for more tests b/c she knew something was not right and it turns out that he had a really low blood count (it's a 3). So now he is in the hospital and they have already started him on his 1st round of chemo.

The good news is he had a clear spinal tap so that means that there is no cancer in his spin. The doctors are very hopefully for him. They say 6 months of treatment and he should be in remisson but they will due a full 3 years to make sure the cancer does not come back.

I feel so bad for my cousin. She had her 1st baby at 17 but she was still born. She died just days before she was delievered b/c of the cord around her neck. And now her son, and only living child, has cancer. It seems so unfair. But she is so brave and is so strong!

I heard a great analogy this weekend that seems to fit with how my families life has been going lately:

God always walks beside you. But even as a parent you can be walking next to your child and they can trip and fall and there is nothing you can do to stop it. So your child looks to you, with trust, to make the pain stop and make it better. And as a parent with unconditional love you pick up your child and do what you can to make everything okay. That is what God does with us. We stumble along the way but He is always by our side to easy the pain and help us heal.

I had never heard Gods love described like that before. It helps to know we are not alone in our sarrows.

If you would, please pray for my cousins son and his family. Bless the doctors who are treating him and help them to make the right choices to make him well again. Thank you!

[~*Kixs*~]

It had been a while since I updated my journal that I left this part out of my last post.

My SIL is not PG It was just a stupid evaperation line she got. I guess it is for the best. It will give her body an extra month to heal and get in baby making shape. I know it will happen for them soon.

I got an e-mail from a dear old friend last night and she is 9 & 1/2 weeks pg with a "suprise" baby. I am happy for her, she will be a good mother. And the father is really excited and pushing a more stable relationship and wanting to move in together.

Sometime I wish DH and I could be so lucky to acidently get PG. It would be nice. I know so many PG women right now that I hope the baby dust epidemic hits all of us on this board and others very soon!

[~*Kixs*~]

I had a bad night last night. DH was trying to get me in 'the mood' and I kept blowing him off. He got mad and asked why I want nothing to do sex lately. I just lost it and started crying. I miss our baby so much! DH and I just laid and bed and talked last night. He really listened and I feel better today.

Our 3 year angelversary is on the 31st of this month for our 1st baby and our 2 month angelversary is tomorrow for our last baby. I just feel overwhelmed. I don't celebrate their due dates b/c the day that they were born is the day God chose for them. So when they roll around they hit me hard.

I am just feeling very overwhelmed this week. I know it will get better.

[~*Kixs*~]

I am pretty sure I am Oing!!! I have been bad and did not temp this month so I have just been going by CM. But I had EW CM yesterday. And I have the little pinchy cramps on my left side, I have not had those since before my 1st pregnancy. I am pretty excited.

I am ready to have another child. DD is funny, she has been asking for a baby sister AND a baby brother I will take whatever the good Lord gives us. She is the one who started asking for a baby before DH and I TTC the last baby. So I am thinking that she is Gods voice of saying...OK it is time.

I hope it happens for us this month but I am ok if it does not. I am moving into my new department at work on August 1st (just found out yesterday). So I am not sure how my new manager will feel about me taking time off to go to the doctors every couple of days for blood work. But I have NEVER been pregnant in August before soon I am kinda of hopping it happens.

[~*Kixs*~]

Well...here I am in the 2ww..ho humm... I Oed early this month on CD 17. DH and I have been so crazy busy that be only baby danced one day (but two times ) So I am not sure if this is going to be our cycle or not. When we got PG with the last angel we only baby danced 3 times the whole month and still got PG! I should justify that DH seperated his sholder that month and I had a cold so we took it easy. After all I did not want to hurt him any more. Poor guy, he is better now though.

So here I sit...over analyzing everything...I have been friskier than normal...that could be a sign...than I remember that it has only been 5 days since I Oed...I am a goober!!!

My brother in law and his new wife called today and they are having a boy!!! I am excited, I do not have any nieces or nefews. But the news is bitter sweet. She was only a week ahead of me. I can't help but wonder what our angel was.

My best girlfriend, who was also due a week ahead of me, has the cutest little belly now and has started to feel the baby move. I am jealous. But I try not to let myself think of those things. I was blessed but to get PG in the 1st place. Some women never even get the chance to have a life inside them so I am grateful of the 6w I had. I am really trying to be more positive.

DD has been asking for a baby sister AND a baby brother She is a doll! Last time she asked for a sibiling we got PG our 2nd month...is this another sign...there I go over analyzing things again!!

Well I start my new position in my department on Wednesday. Hopefully this will help keep my little mind off my 2 week wait. I am sad to leave my old department but I am excited about a new challange. I love to learn so this is a good thing. I am just gratefull that I am being given a job to transition into and NOT a pink slip.

[~*Kixs*~]

I started my new department at work on Wednesday so I have been so busy training that I have not had time to think about much else. I get the material but I am on a completely new system so I get lost easly and don't know how to find my way to the pages I need I'll get it adventually!

I can't beleive that I test in 9 days. It seems like everything has gone so fast. I don't know...I just don't think I am PG this month. I don't think DH and I worked enough at it when it counted. I am ok if this is not our month but I would be presently suprised to get a BFP!!!

My SIL, who lost her baby a week before we did, and I are on the same cycle this month and will be testing a day apart! I think it is neat. I am just affraid that I will get a BFP and she wont. I kinda want her to get PG first than me. DH and I are so bless to have Kaylie and SIL & her husband want a child so badly. But I know that is in God's hands.

I hope everyone has a nice relaxing weekend B)

[~*Kixs*~]

I am just so sad!!! My good friend, who was due a week before me, went to the OB today hoping to find out what she was having. Instead she learned that her baby had passes away at 16 weeks. I am just so heartbroken for them. I want to rush over to her house and just hug her. But I know that they need their space right now and when the time is right I will be here for her.

She is being admitted to the hospital on Monday and will have to give birth. I am so scared for her. She is so strong and has a wonderful faith so I know she will be alright with time. I just could not imagine what she is feeling right now. Please pray for them.

[~*Kixs*~]

My good friend delivered her baby today. The doctors said that he was about the size of a 13 week old fetus and had an under developed head and large neck which are signs of a chromosomal abnormality. They named him Aidan Christian and had him baptized at the hospital by a chaplain. She is SOOOO strong. I talked with her this afternoon and seemed alot better than I though she would be. She has an amazing relationship with God and I truly think that it is Him who is carrying her and giving her comfort right now.

I did my best to listen and be a good friend but I just could not stop crying. She is a dear friend to me, our husbands are friends, we already have it arranged that our two year old children will marry each other and I guess I already loved her new baby also. She said she was not scared for him b/c she knows that she is playing with my children and another one of our good friends (who has lost 2) children in Heaven. I told you she is amazing!!!

She also said that she is just glad that this is over and I know what she means. But she also said she is not sure if it has hit her yet. Please keep praying for their family. They are so strong but this is something that no one should have to carry alone.

Thank you all for the support you have given me and others in our shoes! When the time is right I am going to send her a link to this wonderful board. God Bless!

[~*Kixs*~]

I keep forgetting to mention that I took a HPT on Saturday and got a BFN. I know it was probably to soon to tell but I was just hoping for some good news. I don't feel PG and my cervix does not feel PG (sorry if this is TMI but you are reading my journal) it is still hard. I have had some more EW CM but not the stretchy baby makin' kind, just slippery.

My poor body is still pretty out of wack. I am so broken out right now I look like I am in HS, just not as thin and the girls aren't as perky (I breastfeed DD for 10 months). I have been really stressed lately and I am sure that does not help either. I have been kinda crampy lately, well more pully and twingy. I don't think that this is our month, but I am okay with that. Everything on God's time.

I think I am going to wait and test again on Friday if AF does not show. That is my little sisters 14th birthday and it would be a cool present for her. I found out my aunt (she was a seragant for my parents) was pregnant with my sister on my 11th birthday and it was the neatest gift ever!

[~*Kixs*~]

So I know I have been saying I don't think I am PG this month and I am ok with that and I really am but I am also hoping that I am PG. That would be phenominal!!! I think I am just trying to protect my feelings and not get my hopes up.

I am not sure what to make of this symptom but my bb's have been sore, not like painful to touch sore just when I take off my bra I want to put ot back on and I have been getting little shooting pains in my nips. I don't know if it is AF or I am crazy.

I did the math on my chart based when I have tested with all of my pregnancys and today is the day I would be able to see a + if I was PG. But since I have no tests in the house I am going to wait until Friday. DH will be off and he has never been home when I got a BFP. I have always been to impatient to wait for him . Plus it will be nice not to have to drag DD into the drug store with me. I always get looks when I have a toddler on my hip and am buying a HPT. I feeling like saying "Yes I am happy married, and we want another child! Do you have a problem with that?"

I don't why people think that just b/c you have one means that you don't want more. DH and I would like 3 (God willing) but will take however many the Lord gives us, even if that means DD is our one and only. I would be happy to adopt if we can never have another bio child. Now we just need to find the money!

[~*Kixs*~]

Well I am a big fat liar!!! I stopped on the way home and picked up a HPT, toddler in tow. I got another BFN. I am really going to wait until Friday before I test again!!!! I hope I am PG, I hope I am PG, I hope I am PG <Turns around and clicks heels three time>

I wonder if I am getting BFN b/c I am using the Dollar store brand tests? The box says it detects 25 units of that hormone thingy. But who knows I got the darn thing for $1 !!!

[~*Kixs*~]

Seriouly I am a NUT! I used the 2nd test last night and got another BFN. Think there might have kinda been a 2nd line but until I see it blazing pink I don't think I will believe it!

My AF was so messed up last month I am not even sure when she is due. So I am going to try and wait until Friday and test again with first morning pee pee.

God, give me the strength to buy a PG test tonight and not use it till tomorrow. Amen.

[~*Kixs*~]

I am telling you HPT are like crack!!! I can't stop myself. I took another one tonight and I am not sure what to think of the results

I bought First Response this time. But it seriously took 5-10 minutes for the control line to even come up. I never saw the pee moving across the strip like I normally due. Well I just decided that I did not do it right and that it was a BFN. But of course I dug it out of the trash a few hours later and I saw a faint positive line! I think it is probably just an evap line but I have never gotten one with First Response. DH could see the line too. The has asked me not to test again until Sunday. I told him I would try.

It kinda made me sad, he said "I just don't want this to turn out like the other babies". With both m/c I had very faint positive results. But with DD the test line came up bright pink before the control line even came up.

I am worried.

[~*Kixs*~]

I have decided that the "faint positives" I got were really just evap lines. I tested again with a different brand and got to 2 BFN. I am on CD 40 just waiting for AF. My last AF came on CD 43. My body is just still recovering from loosing the baby in May.

So here I am...just waiting. I have been pregnant 3 times but never in August. I guess it is just not my month. I do always say I would not want to be PG is the Texas summer.

[~*Kixs*~]

DH and I are on the mend. I think he is finally seeing how his being sneaky effects everyone around him. We have been better. Not sure if we are going to TTC this cycle which is ok b/c we need to make our marriage stronger before we create another life.

Well found out my 18 year old little cousin is knocked up. She waited until she was 13 weeks to tell anyone. Her mother flipped out and called every doctor she knew (she is the medical field) to try and get my cousin an abortion. I am so disappointed in my aunt. That God abortions after 12 weeks are illegal in Texas. I worry about my cousin. She is very selfish and immature for 18. She has never had to be grown up. She is impatient and does not like kids much. Well she has 6 months to buck up and get with it. The dad does not believe it is his and they broke up before she found out she was pg. Poor girl, but she is kinda a ****. We all warned her about using protection but she just does not listen. I am really surprised she had not gotten PG before this. I am praying for her. She is excited about the baby but has no clue what she is in for. Her older brother has 2 kids with his gf and they drop both of the girls off at my aunts house for the weekend, EVERY weekend, so they can go party and drink. I think my aunt will end up raising my little cousins baby too.

I also found out my neighbor, and good friend, is PG!!! I am so excited for them! They have been TTC for almost 2 years and this is the 1st time she has been PG. She is 9 weeks and has already had an ultra sound and seen a little heartbeat. I am just so happy for them!