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I figured that i mabey should write a journal as well...It all happened like this...
On the night of July 30, 2006, our friends from Newfoundland came up to visit us. They had left at 10:30pm, and around 11pm the phone rang and they had called to find out what the pizza company's number was. Dwayne ran downstairs to grab the phone, and I had decided to go to the bathroom for the night. When I had gotten up I had a real sharp pain in my tummy. And when i looked down i noticed that there was tons of blood. I ran to the bathroom, not really knowing what was going on and i sat on the toilet. I called Dwayne back upstairs, and showed him what was going on. We decided to call the ambulance, and when they came i had given birth to my daughter on our bed. She was born sleeping at 34 weeks. They rushed us to the hospital were i met up with my doctor. and they gave us time to be with Lexi before i had to have a D & C. Our dreams of trying just shattered right there. I was released from the hospital the next day. I went back to my doctor and he wanted to run tests. and i was all for it. We later found out that Lexi had congenital heart disease. So it was better for her to leave us when she did. Later on in the weeks our doctor called us and told us to come back in asap, he needed to speak to us. Well we are scared at this point. We walked in the next day and he shook our hands and said you guys are very lucky most couples have problems, but you guys are in the CLEAR! well that was good news to us. He told us to try again in 2 months. And we were all for that.
October 10, 2006, We were so excited! WE had taken a home pregnancy test and it came back positive!!
We ran back to the doctors and he did the blood work, and it was high levels! We never told the kids yet, we were going to wait till christmas and tell them then! We had u/s and seen the babe, and we were so happy! my mom came with me to the u/s and seen her next grandchild...
February 15, 2007, We gave birth to our Son William Mason, we were 19 weeks along. He was our sweet angel. WE really wanted William. My hubby just left for work at 7am and at 7:18am I gave birth to him in the bathroom. I was calm as i had my 2 sons awake and didnt want to frighten them. I was telling my hubby earlier that there was something wrong, and i think that my water broke, and he said no couldn't be! well when he walked out the door he said love you see u after work. i gave him the cell phone just in case something happens. Well i was calling and calling and he wasn't answering. im holding my sleeping angel in my arms and blood just flowing everywhere. Well i called the next best thing. My mom. i told her what was happening and she said call 911!!! i simply replied i have no one here for Alex and jaiden i have to get a hold of Dwayne.
My mom was mad, and she was calling him left right and center. Well i called Dwayne's work and told them what was happening, and he was there, well he floored it home, and as he got there the ems was here and i was leaving. He told the ems he will be there asap. hes just going to get the kids ready. Again our dreams of ever having a baby are completely shattered by this point. i told him that i never want to have a baby again. and he just kept saying keep ur hope and faith! dont lose that. Well all that i could think of is, im being self fish. i want to much. im trying way to hard. no more!! it took me along time to convince myself to try again for another baby. and its been a rocky road
Here we are in October, and im still sitting here wondering if i made the right decision?
We found out that we were expecting again, and found out that it was a tubal.
i went in and they managed to save the tube, thank god. and they cant explain why this is happening to me.
So now im waiting to get more testing done.. My doctor really thinks that its due to alot of stress in our home.
we were told to wait at least 1 cycle to try again, and he also recommended us taking Clomid. well i dont want to. its not my nature. i know that in time i will be able to have a child. I'm just getting so frustrated in this process. we have done everything and seems like nothings working. I have come very bitter towards some people. and thats not like me.
I'm just glad that hubby and i have made it this far. most couples wont last after having all this happen to them.
well this is my journal, if there is any questions feel free to ask. i wont hide..lol..
Thanks for reading.