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Eleysia's up's and down's


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  #1  
March 27th, 2008, 09:08 AM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Bremerton, Wa
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Ok, so I thought that instead of keeping everything pent up I'd start to let stuff out. If anyone does decide to read this please don't judge me. I'm just trying to regain my sanity.

On Feb 27th I took my first HPT for this pregnancy. I looked down, and to my surprise there were two pink lined!!! I had to go get a coworker to verify I wasnt hallucinating. I never thought it would happen so fast. With our first child it took us about 1.5 years of on and off trying to get pregnant. My pregnancy went beautfully. Only had 4 weeks or so of morning sckness, I gained the perfect ammount of baby weight, and even though he came 9 days later than expected he was very healthy. A bounching beautiful 7lbs 15oz baby boy! So here we go again I thought. I was so excited I called my hubby and told him the great news (since we were trying and all...) He couldn't have been more happy. We were absolutly ready for baby #2.

March 14th was a crappy day. I work with one other girl, we are in the Navy, and are professional photographers. Well that day she had taken off and was out of town. I arrived to work at about 8am, and just had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong. I went to the bathroom thinking I had to pee, and that's when I found out I was starting to miscarry my baby. Even though I was only 5wks and 5 days it was still my baby, and my heart was breaking as I sat and cried.

The best part of it all was that I had a full schedule until 11:30am, and no one to cover for me. So....I did what any devoted sailor would do. I went and took all the pictures I was scheduled to do, I tried to refrain from crying through everything.

At about 11:30 I made my way to the emergency room (luckily I work in a hospital). The nurse who checked me in tried to reassure me that there was still a glimmer of hope that I wasn't haveing a m/c but I knew. At about 4pm I got the news I was waiting for. I'm sorry ma'am, better luck next time. I was crushed.

For the next 8 days I blead, and blead some more. I didnt have bad cramps just alot of blood. My husband was also very sad as well. I never knew how hard that would be, but to say the least it sucked.

Now we are planning on TTC again. The doctor said wait about 1 cycle and then go for it, so here I sit waiting for AF... where are you wench?!
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  #2  
April 1st, 2008, 10:42 AM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So, it has been 2w 4d since my m/c. Every day draggs by slower than the last. I don't know why life is sucking so bad right now but it is. Chad (DH) and I fought all weekend, and he makes me hate him. I don't know if it is his doing, or just that I'm mad at the world.
I know that I ovulated on friday or Sat. this week, but got shut down when I told DH I wanted to try again. He said no and to wait. Well, that excalated to fighting all weekend. I don't like to even look at him, so much as be in the same room as him. Sat. we fought, and sunday he went snowboarding with some chick he used to work with. Whom I dont like just purley based on the fact that she is female, and getting to go do something DH and I used to do together. Man I have a lot of hate. This girl tries to be very nice to me everytime she is talking to DH, but Im sorry, I just don't like her, and dont feel as though i need to.
Im so miserable i just want to scream!!!!!!!!
I wish I could just run away and not come back.
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  #3  
April 1st, 2008, 06:49 PM
Brittney06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hey I don't know if you wanted any comments but I just wanted to let you know that I totally understand I miscarried about 4 weeks ago and ever since than I have been so ready to go insane. I keep telling everyone I need a vacation from life and my husband doesn't help matters I swear you have to spell stuff out for men its like they can't do anything without guidance, well anyways that how I feel lol. So if you figure out a way to get this insanity feeling to go away let me know and I will do the same. Good luck!!
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  #4  
April 3rd, 2008, 10:14 AM
mom 2 haley & tyler's Avatar formerly mommy2haley17
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I'm the same way and I m/c 8 months ago. I'm not sure if it gets better or worse. I hope things look up for you!
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  #5  
April 3rd, 2008, 10:49 AM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Thanks ladies I do appreciate the comments for sure. It makes me feel like someone cares, and im not just screaming my lungs out in an empty room If i come up with a sloution ill let you know. Shoot Id love one from someone as well.
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  #6  
April 15th, 2008, 01:28 PM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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So, I finally got my AF post miscarriage. 29 days later actually. Good news huh? At least my cycle is still pretty regular. I am glad I was fortunate enough to not get one of the 30-40 day cycles like some of the other ladies post loss. Even though Im happy to be ready to start trying again, something is still tugging at my heart. I dont know quite what it is. I post in the forum, trying to stay upbeat, and happy for everyone (which dont get me wrong, I am genuine about my congratulations) but my heart is killing me. Im so sad that I lost my baby, and I know that it isnt fair to think I deserve a baby anymore or less than any of these women. I just dont get it, one minuite im ready to go, and the next i want to start up my meds again and be happy with the child i do have. I have so much hatred for the disease I have, not bring able to control your emotions is very hard. Even if i try to convince myself that Im happy it is like lieing to a polygraph. You can see right through it. I havn't had any bad thoughts for a long time (for anyone reading this I used to cut myself from the age of 13-22) so one would think im doing alot better. Well aparently not DH. He said " you need to stop taking baby steps and just get past it" Ok, that is definatly the wrong thing to say. He makes me so mad sometimes. He is an idiot. I dont know if im happy in my marriage. I know I love him, but if you had me list everything i wanted in a husband, he has maybe 3 qualities. He doesnt make me feel loved, he puts me down and tells me to get a sense of humor (im sorry jokes at my expense shouldnt be funny to me OR you), he doesnt hold me, he never tells me im beautiful, and most of all i have to practically beg him to say I Love You. I have been having dreams about random men Ive never met, and it is sad to say, but ill try to go back to sleep just to continue dreaming of someone who seems to love me. i dont know how to tell him im not happy, because this isnt the first time it has come up. last time it didnt go well either, we almost got a divorce. I just dont know what to do. I feel like Im drowning.
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  #7  
April 28th, 2008, 03:41 PM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hooray for another downer day. Grr. I dont know why im so emotional today, but I am. Last night DH and I had an awsome night, we havnt fought in forever, and everything is going well.

I had an apifany today that DS is getting older, and taller, and more independent, and everything that screams "im growing up mom and dont need you anymore". Ugh, i dont even want to write a whole journal entry... what the hell is wrong with me today?!
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  #8  
May 2nd, 2008, 09:49 AM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Wow, my last post was awful lmao.

Ok so a little recap. For the last few days here is what ive had...............IPS!!! I dunno.. i just feel like it is waaay too early for pg symptoms, and my temp is aparently making friends with the floor.. seeing as to how it has dropped down that low. So i had sore boobs for like 3 days, then the next day nothing. yesterday i had a burning sensation in them and the it was gone who knows? TMI ive had um... upset stomach.. like the bottom end for the last 2 days, and this morning i woke up with that horrible "oh god can i make it to the bathroom before i throw up" My first thought was omg im sick?! but then i layed there and breathed thru it, and it subsided. thats when it hit me that maybe just maybe it could be a tiny peek at what might be coming soon? I know im reaching lmao. Then at work today i had another mild neasus sensation that went away pretty quick. so hopefully right?

Yesterday (well all week ) ive been really emotional. It is normal to some degree for me to be that way, but this ammount is not. I finally lost it and broke down bawling my eyes out yesterday over nearly nothing. Man if im not pg i need to strat going back to my shrink again.

I cant say ive been overly tired because im always sleepy, but the good news is i have been in bed asleep no later than 10pm every night so far which is awsome for me.

I almost POAS last night but caught myself and talked myself out of it haha. 4 dpo is way to early to test. even for a POAS-aholic.

K well thats enough for today ill KUP!
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  #9  
May 2nd, 2008, 09:59 AM
madmum_sarah's Avatar formally sarah_the_sane_1
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ohhhh hun sounding rather positive! and as for early symptoms, did you not tell me you think i should test in a couple of days???
i have a longer lp than most so have to wait, when you planning on testing? you know you wanna
glad you a little chirpier today
xx
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  #10  
May 2nd, 2008, 01:17 PM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I told you to test because yours sounds much more promising than mine lmao. I know i do want to test but im so sad about BFN's and i know thats what ill get at this point kwim? Im just sad that it prolly is IPS and that this wont be my month yet again....
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  #11  
May 2nd, 2008, 04:45 PM
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I think they sound promising... I really hope it is a BFP for you! (Though it would be even better for us to both be pg at the same time...) BIG HUGS!!!
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  #12  
May 5th, 2008, 11:32 AM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Well, guess who is 8DPO and not feeling an ounce of pg?! Yup you guessed it right... ME! So lame. I have about 13 different words id like to use right now, but realize it wont make me any more pg, so why bother.


<insert scream here>
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  #13  
May 5th, 2008, 02:33 PM
madmum_sarah's Avatar formally sarah_the_sane_1
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i wish i could say something positive hun but im not in a positive mood.
i will say i had no symptoms with dd though, just suddenly realised i hadnt had af for 6 weeks!
fingers and toes are crossed for you hun
xx
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  #14  
May 5th, 2008, 02:40 PM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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thank you Sarah sorry you are having a downer of a day. Hope you feel better hun. ty for the advice

So i decided to add another post to this one. Im offically bummed out. i feel neglected, and i dont know why. Id say this is prolly the sign of PMS and AF right behind. man AF and a week long visit from the inlaws? What did i do to deserve this?!

I didnt wanna post all this in the main board i just feel so blah. i hate that bobbie stepped down because i dont think her shoes can or will be easily filled. i also feel like no one is on today and JM is my life. when no one is on i guess thats when i feel abandoned lol. ugh im gonna go home now. thank god i have 1 week off starting wed. tomorrow will be my last day of work for a few days. im gonna give DS to g-ma and sleep a whole day.
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  #15  
May 6th, 2008, 12:56 AM
madmum_sarah's Avatar formally sarah_the_sane_1
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im sorry you feel af is coming hun. but af AND in laws??? you must have been a real bad one in a previous life!
still, until af shows its not over so keep that gorgeous chin high in the air sweetheart!
i know how you feel about bobbie stepping down, its hard BUT she will still be here and posting as much as she does now, think positive!
i often feel alone all day here but thats cos im on uk time jm is my life too
incase you hadnt guessed, im stalking you! keep smiling that sweet smile hun, we are all here for you
xxxx
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  #16  
May 6th, 2008, 08:28 AM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sarah youre such a sweetheart. I totally love having you as a stalker

I dont know if i truly believe that af is coming, it is just that i have no evidence that she is not. kwim?

my temp went up this morning which confuses the crap outta me. How much diff is UK time from PST?
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  #17  
May 6th, 2008, 08:41 AM
madmum_sarah's Avatar formally sarah_the_sane_1
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i have no idea of the time difference but i know i can never get to the chats either sucks big time! lol
im glad you dont mind me being a stalker cos you cant get rid of me
temp going up sounds good to me hun. im still hoping and praying you get your bfp and not af. would certainly give in laws something to talk about too
xxx
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  #18  
May 7th, 2008, 02:47 PM
Brittney06's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I just wanted to send you and tell you I am sorry I had to disappear for vacation! I hate being gone and not being around to talk to you ladies expecially when someone has been having a bad time!
I have to remind you though that it is still early! Hey I forgot what month did your prediction thing say? Anyways Keep your chin up girl, you can do this! I hope you start feeling better soon. I MISS YOU!
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  #19  
May 7th, 2008, 04:57 PM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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You ladies rock

My prediction month is june, so at least it is close if this isnt my month lol.

By the way Brittney keep an eye on your mailbox
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  #20  
May 14th, 2008, 02:55 PM
Eleysia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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well im offically shocked and pg. who knew? lmao. Thanks so much ladies for being there with me!!! I love you all so much
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