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I went for more blood work & by this time was making sure to cover my arms b/c I had about 6 bruises that were just nasty! After that, I went home & DH got off of work early so that we could go to the 2nd u/s together at 2pm. We went, I filled my bladder & then we got called in. This time DH was prepared & had done some internet research on what to look for when the u/s tech was doing her job. We were taken back by 1 tech & while we were waiting for the room, the tech went to the office. As we were sitting there, another tech came & got us. I was confused! Apparently since it was our 2nd one in a week, they sent a very qualified tech to do the job. So, as she started, DH was taking notes. She turned, told him & I that she was going to talk to us & that he needed to stop. He asked her some questions & she sternly told him, “Listen, I can lose my job for doing this so I just need you to be quiet & listen to what I have to say.” I knew then it couldn’t be good.
She went on to tell us that the gestational sac was very small & that our baby was still measuring 6w5d, what it measured a week ago BUT that the little bean had a strong h/b. We were astonished! We didn’t expect to be able to hear it! There it was, the most beautiful sound I ever heard. We held hands, crying. Then she brought us back to reality. She said that she rarely saw this situation correct itself & that most ended in m/c. I just didn’t want to hear that! I also had to pee really bad so as I went to the bathroom, the tech printed a picture of our baby, handed it to my DH & said that she wanted us to at least have something to remember this moment just in case. Talk about foreshadowing! We went home happy & called our parents to tell them the news.
Well, later that evening, about 8pm, I had some weird cramps, not like any I had before. I thought if I went to bed, they would just go away. Wish that was true. At about midnight I woke up w/ excruciating pains/cramps. I tried once again to go back to sleep but I knew what was happening. I finally had to go to the bathroom to check if the spotting had gotten worse & it had along w/ the cramping. It was unbearable & I knew then that I was losing the baby. DH was ready to call 911 but I told him to just get me in the car & I could handle it until we got to the ER. I figured out that I was having contractions. I was timing it. They came every 5 minutes & lasted about 2 minutes.
By this time, it was November 18, 2005 at 12:30am & we had arrived at the ER. Thank God no one was in the waiting room. I went to triage & from triage directly into a room since I was bleeding. The dr came in & said he would give me Tylenol until we found out if the baby was still alive but that never happened. Finally, someone came in & said that we were just waiting for the on call u/s tech to show up, find out if the baby was still alive & then I could be treated for pain. In the meantime, they snuck a catheter in me & I was livid, angry & in serious pain!!!
Well, at about 3am, the tech finally shows up. It was the same one as we had in the afternoon! She came in & said she had a feeling it was us & was really sorry. She wheeled me to the u/s room, put water up my catheter & filled my bladder completely. She did the transvaginal again. She found our baby & shook her head & with tears rolling down her face she said, “There isn’t a heartbeat.” DH & started crying. She asked if we wanted to see. I said no but DH looked. Our tech was wonderful. She held my hand & cried w/ us. It was the most horrible moment of my life.
I was wheeled back to my room in the ER & finally given something for the pain, morphine. My God did it make me loopy & out of it. On top of that, the ER dr came in & said I was Rh - & DH was Rh + so I probably had already begun to build an immunity to his blood meaning further complications in future pregnancies. He went ahead & gave me the Rogam shot to counter act anything but said my OB should have given it to me the moment he found out I was spotting. He also said my OB would be coming in. For that I was thankful. At that time I also requested that the catheter be taken out. About an hour later, the u/s tech came in to see how I was & I told her that the catheter was still in. She couldn’t believe it. It was suppose to be removed immediately after I got back from the u/s. She called the nurse & it was taken out.
My OB showed up around 5:30am & we discussed my options. Well, I didn’t really discuss much since I was out of it. I had already told DH that I wanted to go through w/ the D&C before they gave me the morphine so that is what we decided. My OB said he was going to get the staff ready & bump another OB out of the way & that he was always late anyway. Right after he left, I had to go pee. I asked the nurse if I could go & she said “Yep, its across the hall.” HELLO!!!!! I couldn’t walk, much less stand up on my own b/c of the morphine. DH helped me & as I was going, I started to pass large clots but I didn’t know that so DH found my OB (who was *itching out the ER staff for their in competency) & he came running to see if I had passed the baby. Then he asked where the nurse was & DH told him that she left & didn’t help me to the bathroom. Boy was my OB pi$$ed off! At the time, I was unaware of all the griping my OB was doing but was later thankful that he was watching out for my like he was!
By this time, I told DH to call my mom b/c I wanted her to know. Wouldn’t you know it, as soon as he left, they were ready to start prepping me for the OR! He came in just in time & told me my parents were on the way. It was all so surreal. I just couldn’t believe this was happening to me!
By 7am, I was prepped & going into the OR. Just as DH was walking away, I started to cry hard. I had to give him my wedding ring & I knew that when I came out, I would no longer have Onesie inside me. Just as we were walking through the doors & felt the most alone I had ever felt, I turned & saw my father’s face.
I barely remember entering the OR. I don’t remember coming out, only being in recovery & immediately asking for my DH & my parents. I was crying & couldn’t believe that I was no longer carrying our child. We went home shortly after. I slept the rest of that day & most of the weekend. I didn’t want to deal w/ anyone.
November 23, 2005
I had to go in for my f/u visit w/ Dr. Castillo. He was prepared for a bloody check up but low & behold, I got to tell him that I was only spotting at that point. I had been spotting since the day before. Most of the bleeding was over with by Monday. I cramped throughout the weekend but had Tylenol III to ease the cramping & also to put me to sleep which was fine by me. I didn't want to deal with the real world. Besides, the internal exam, my dr just went over the fact that I should not have sex for another week & to not start TTC again for at least 3 cycles. So, I left w/ a heavy heart. I knew what he said was best so that is what I would do.
Your story touched my heart. It even made me cry! I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope everything is getting better for you. It sounds like you had a terrific u/s tech. I just lost a child and had to get a D&C also. I'm still in pain. I know what youre going through. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here. Hope DH is getting better also. It's hard to cope with.
You are so sweet for reading all that! I thought it was super long but had to share it. Please feel free to join us in the main board. We love to chat & support one another. I am also sorry for your loss. It is devastating, no matter how you look at it.
You are so welcome! I know that it is hard to go through this & it is heartbreaking. I want ladies to know that they aren't alone![/b]
Im so sorry for your loss!! I went through a m/c and d&c in nov 2004 and i know how hard it is, i still cry when i think of it. Thank you for sharing your story and i wish you and DH all the best
I have tears in my eyes from your story. ((((hugs))))
I too was told after my loss in Nov 2000 to wait 3+ months. I was 24 weeks along when I lost my son. But, I did not wait and I gave birth to another baby boy 10 months later. It really is a matter of personal choice. I had a loss a few months ago (May 2006) and just was not sure I felt like TTC again.
Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like there is so much love in your family.
I am so sorry for your loss, reading that scared me a bit, because I go to my Dr. tomorrow to find out if I need one, not really sure what it is, but it sure sounds like an abortion to me, I know, I already lost the baby, but I can't help but think that. Thank you for writing about your story, I will keep you updated on whether I need one or not, hoping not.