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I found out that I was pregnant around the first of April. It was a very unexpected thing, because I was on birth control and we hadnt been planning on having a child any time soon. None the less, I was very excited to hear the news, and I was quick to call and tell everyone. I wish I had waited.... I started bleeding that night, followed by some heavy cramping. I continued to bleed through the next week and a half or so, and I had visited my OB regularly in that time. I had several ultrasounds done, that showed there was a baby there, but they never did find a heartbeat. None of them would tell me what was happening to me...
On the morning of April 12th, I woke and got ready for school (I was a college student at the time) just like every other day. On the drive to my school, I felt so sore, and my stomach was hard. I knew that I was having contractions, but it was testing time and I HAD to be there. I went on to school anyways.
When I arrived at school, I went to class but I wasnt there long before the pain overcame me and I stood to excuse myself. I felt the horrible rush of blood as soon as I stood. My jeans were saturated instantly. I ran from my classroom straight to the bathroom. When I got there, the pain and blood were unbearable. I found then that I had lost a large amount of tissue. I knew what it was. It was my baby. I wrapped it in paper towels, and cried as I held my child against my chest. Eventually I got the energy to stand and clean myself as good as I could. There was no walking from my school without everyone knowing that something was terrible wrong with me. I felt as though I were a spectacle, walking through the hall and out to my car with my pants covered in blood down to the ankles. I drove straight to my OB, I didnt know what else to do. At the OB they had me strip down and they did a cervical exam. The doctor looked at me and said I am sorry. The baby is gone. He asked the nurse to help me clean myself and they called my grandmother. He said that I was bleeding far too bad, and that I would have an emergency D&C. My grandma showed up with some clean clothes and rushed me off to the surgery center.
As I laid in the bed at the surgery center I couldnt calm myself. I hurt so bad, and the physical pain was nothing compared to the emotions that I was going through. I asked for something to calm me. They gave me Demerol, and I was able to sleep. I barely remember being wheeled into the operating room, but I do remember the OB telling me that it was almost over with, this would only take a few minutes. They put more drugs into my IV and counted. That was all, I was out.
When I woke up, I was in a waiting room. My DH, my Grandmother and my MIL were all there. They offered their love and comfort, but I wanted none of it. I just wanted them to leave. I wanted to be alone to cry, but the surgery center was not the place.
I asked to use the bathroom, so a nurse helped me up. The pain was excruciating. My Dh and the nurse helped me to the bathroom. I remember the trip to the bathroom so vividly because as my husband held my hand and helped me walk, a blood clot the size of a grapefruit expelled itself from my body and hit my husbands feet. I could see the fear in his eyes as they filled with tears. He was so scared for me. I was scared for me too. I sat in the bathroom and cried, screamed, prayed and pleaded with God for a long time. I just didnt understand why. I guess that I never will.
My husband took me home that night, and sat awake by my side through the entire night while I slept. I dont know if I would have been able to sleep if it werent for the narcotic pain relievers that I was taking. I hate taking medications, especially those kind, but it was the only thing I could do to keep from just wanting to die. My grandma kept my daughter for the next week while I took time to recover. Dh took that week off of work, so he could stay at home with me. He responded to my every need. I dont know what I would have done with out my family.
Anyone who took the time to read my miscarriage and D&C experience, thank you. It has been months and I am just now able to share this with people, and it feels good to get it all off of my chest. I lost my angel at 7w4d. Not a long time to spend with a child, but long enough to know I will feel love for him forever.
Hi April. I dont even know if you will check back on this post or not but we used to host the tattoo board together. I read your story and found some comfort in it...since I too am now wondering the same things that you were at the time. I lost my little peanut today...7weeks and 5 days. I just wanted to say hello and thanks for posting this.
Look me up on Facebook - Meighan Hopper Bloomington, Illinois