[BornAgainRenee]

First I went to my ob's office, they were doing an u/s just for my benifit. Then they walked me over to the OR. Because my appt. took so long, we only waited about 15 min. then they came and got me. They had me use the bathroom, then they had me change. Then I got on the table and the nurse started my IV. The OR nurse then came in and I met her. I told her that I didn't want to be alone afterward and she told me it dpended on how many patients were in recovery, but that she would talk to them. Then my husband came back. The anesthesiologist came and talked to me. Told me that he was going to give me what he called a heavy mac. Said that it was IV anesthesia and that I wouldn't be completly out, but wouldn't remember much. Then my Doc's came in. My ob and his wife. they are both ob's. They talked to me a little. Then it was time.
I held onto my dh and didn't want to let him go. He kept looking after me until I disappeared. Then we got into the room. They had me move to the other table. Then they started putting the ekg monitors on. At the same time they put my legs in the sturrups. Then the anesthesia dr. said that they were going to start the drug. It took a few secs. but I remember feeling it take effect. They put the oxegyn on me, and asked me to try to scoot up a little. Then told me because of the anesthesia they had to stap my arms down. By this time I didn't care. Then I felt them break the table away. I remember telling Jesus I loved him. I felt them give me the shots of novacaine in my cervix then it got really fuzzy. I remember hearing the sucking, and them telling me to take deep breaths, and then nothing until it was over.
As soon as they were done they had me move, and I don't know how I did that. But I got back onto my bed and they did the next ekg checks. My dr. held my hand for a little bit then his wife did. Then I started crying. I didn't stop. They got me to recovery and I continued to cry. They asked me if it was because I hurt, I said no. So a few min. later they got my dh. It took a while but I finally calmed down. Then they had me drink some diet lemon lime. I did that then she gave me some jello and a pain pill. Talked to me for a while. Then asked if I wanted to sit in the recliner. I said yes. So they got me into the recliner. A little bit later I needed to go to the bathroom. I got dressed in there. Then I got to leave.
After I got home I stayed pretty drugged up for about 3 days. Its the 6th day since the proceedure. I still want to be on the drugs. I am still hurting and cramping pretty bad. I talked to the Dr. and they said it was normal and to take it easy. My Mom said that IM just like her, I want to be better now.
Since the surgery I haven't mourned, until today. I have done nothing but cry. Maybe because I have been alone for the first time. I don't know.
I feel like this was the best choice for me. The Dr. said it could take 4 to 6 weeks and he was worried about infection. I waited 1 week for my first mc and it was horrible. This way Im able to deal with it and mourn it.
I know I will never be over it. I mean I lost another child, how do you get over that?

[jandswood]

I'm so so sorry about your loss!