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I think the worse thing a mother can experience is not going through labor but to hold my baby girl for the first time and to die in my arms. I lost my baby girl on May 19, 2009. My husband i was visiting our friends in Vancouver. I was almost 22 months pregnant and though it would be safe for me to travel. Boy was i wrong.
On the morning of May 19 I spotted some blood in my urine. I thought it was nothing and ignore it. Then I started to have some pain every 5 mins. I thought it was the baby was moving or i was having some indigestion. Then the pain got more and more painful. Then around noon i called my friend who was a nurse...explained to her what was happening. She told me to go immediately to the hospital.
When I got there, the pain was getting worse. My blood pressure start to climb. The nurses try to give me some medication to bring it down. But it didn't work. I was feeling nausea and started to throw up the medication. By 2 o'clock, the pain got worse and one of the dr had to check my cervex. She told me that I was fully dilated and had to get the baby out.
I remember saying "no please no...please do not take the baby out." I was going through so much pain both emotionally and physically. Then the dr told me to give a push...then I realize it was over. no more pain in my tummy. The nurse placed my baby girl in my arms.
I didn't know how to feel. I started to burst into tears. My baby wasn't crying. I was so sad to see her live so short. She looked so much like my husband.
i had so much emotions going through my mind. Looking at my baby girl for the first time brought joy to my life and it also brought sorrow because it was so hard to say good-bye.
Being pregnant was the best thing that happen to me. This was our first child. I took some time off from work to recover the pain. When I am home right now. I feel all alone. It use to be me and the baby. But now it is just me. Sometimes, when I just lie in bed and look at my tummy, I would just cry. Looking at my tummy remind me the times I would feel the kicking and movement of the baby. There is a lot of things that remind me of my baby girl. Even the simpliest thing as going to mall to watching tv. Being almost 22 weeks pregnant, it is so hard to let go and say good bye. Sometimes, I would ask myself, why does it have to happen to me? What have I done to deserve this? I really miss my baby girl "Hailey" I wish I can turn back time and all of this would go away.
i am still trying to recover and I hope with time the pain would go away. I am hoping that I can get pregnant again and this time I will be more careful.