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I was just under 13 weeks along during my first pregnancy when I began to miscarry. I found the information available regarding miscarriages on the internet, in books, and from my doctor woefully inadequate. It is so hard to go through such a tramatic thing, especially not knowing what to expect and if the things that were happening were normal. I hope that by sharing my painful experience, someone else out there will be a little less frightened, confused, and alone. (This turned out to be a really long post, sorry for including so many details.)
I started spotting brown w/ egg-white like mucus at 12w4d. I had mild cramping that was more like a dull back ache. I decided to go to bed and see what happened by morning. The bleeding was still brown tinged with fresh red blood, and heavier than when I went to bed by the next morning, so I got in to see my doctor.
He did an u/s and found out that pregnancy had probably terminated between 8 and 9 weeks along. It was my first (and sadly last) ultrasound of my pregnancy and it was such an aweful feeling just looking at the picture, realizing that it wasn't nearly as large as it should be, the doctor trying to zoom in at different angles and just searching...it felt like my whole world was vaporizing right then and there. It was a missed miscarriage, and my body was just then recognizing it. I was advised by the MD to wait it out and see if nature would take it's course. Since it's my first pregnanacy and first m/c, I was told that they wouldn't do any tests and no tissue needed to be brought back. I was given 5 days to see what would happen, if I didn't "take care of it on my own" as the doctor put it, he strongly recommended a D&C since I was alrealy more than 12 weeks along, and 4 weeks "missed". So advised to "take it easy and wait it out" I took the whole day off work and spent it fighting back tears with my husband.
The next day I went into work and put in a full day. As I was getting ready to leave for the evening (around 6pm) the full m/c occured starting with my water breaking. It was an amazing amount of liquid, like I had peed my pants. I quickly grabed my stuff, said goodbye and headed to the restroom. As I was headed for the toilet, trying to squeeze and avoid more leakage, I was quite angry that no one told me anything like that would happen. My MD said that the main m/c would include "heavy bleeding with possible bits of bloody tissue". I got to the toilette and a huge gush of liquid came out. I don't know what possesed me to do it (please don't thing I'm too gross), but I used tp and reached down and caught the initial gush (after water loss, before major bleeding. The fetus was there and I was able to see it's little hand/arms, eyes, and tail. (I was able to show DH, too. We both got some closure from seeing it.) After that there was heavy, heavy, urine-stream like bleeding for an hour or so. (The MD told me "heavy bleeding"- when I hear heavy bleeding, I think of the heaviest day of my period. This was WAY heavier than the heaviest day of any period I've ever had.) I was pretty terrified at the amount of blood I was losing. I called DH and told him that I was on my way home, but I was a little afraid that I wouldn't make it home. I also called the MD's emergeny after hours number. The physician on call made it sound like I was retarded, and yes (yawn) it's perfectly normal to have bleeding like that.
I made it home but then came the large clott/tissue passing. Pieces that were the size of my palm and between 1/2" to 1" thick. They looked like liver; they were the size of steaks! And I hurt so bad! The cramps were so painful that if felt like my whole abdominal cavity was being turned inside out. I had to line my bed with our darkest towels, jump out of bed every 20 minutes or so, and expell large quantities of material into the toilet (and change my pad). I carried on like this until about 11:30pm. Bleeding had slowed down a bit, and despite the pain, I was totally exhausted and was able to fall asleep. I made several more trips to the toilet through out the night. By morning things had slowed down considerably, but I continued to bleed heavily and pass rather large clots (generally the size of a lump of silly putty).
I Went back to the MD for follow up four days later, but he didn't do another ultrasound or anything, just asked how I was feeling, what had been happening, and then told me that everything was going text book perfect. I was told that I needed no further follow-up until 3+ months if/when I get pregnant again. He said I would have bleeding with cramps and fever for another 7-14 days, and to watch for fever, flu-like symptoms, and foul discharge.
Over the week I continued to bleed heavily (yes like the heavy days of my regular periods) and feel aweful cramps and pass largish clots. After two weeks (from the main m/c) my bleeding slowed down to a brown ooze. The bleeding became less bright red and more dark reddish brown, with blackish tissue. After passing a clot I bled brighter red for a while and then went back to brown. It starting to smell a bit- like old meat or maybe garbage, or even maybe poo. But genereally the end of my period is "less fresh" like this, but then again, my period lasts for significantly less time. It got to the point that I feld like everyone could smell me, and that I was leaving stink everywhere I went. I was really paranoid that I had an infection and this was the "foul discharge". I called the MD twice to voice my concerns, but both times was told that this was all very normal, just wait it out, and not to worry.
I began taking my BBT as soon as I began miscarrying, but it took almost two full weeks for it to drop down to normal pre-ovulation (phase 1) temps. And once it did drop, it was still rather variable. I also took my regular temperature every afternoon and evening. My regular temp was somewhat elevated, about 99.5F and occasionally above 100.1F. I was so freaked out because I had an elevated temp- I didn't know if it was a m/c side effect or a sign of infection. And as far as flu like symptoms were concerned I didn't even know what they were for sure...I don't get sick all that often, and I probably haven't had the flu in a good 16 years.
So I had bleeding, cramping, a slight fever, an odor and I was just so worried that I had an infection. I didn't know if these were normal to last for so long (two full weeks).
And then I started having some very bad headaches (the kind where your brain feels loose in your skull and it hurts to move your head or stand up, sit down, etc), They were so bad that if I stood up quick or moved my head to much, I would literally be blinded by the pain. I thought that not only was I incapable of producing a healthy baby, I also had a brain tumor. Thank goodness for internet forums, turns out that these headaches are pretty common and have a rather simple solution...caffeine and tylenol. So I started having coffee again every morning, green tea around noon, and then loading up on tylenol and ibuprophen in the late afternoon and evening. It was weird because the caffeine was so much more efficient than the pain medicine, but it kept me awake at night so I had to settle for sub-par headache remedies in the evening. It's crazy, too, because I'm really sensitive to caffeine, so I usually don't have any at all.
At the end of two weeks I pass a really hard, extra fleshy (not blood clot tissue, but more like real skin type tissue) clot about the size small chicken nugget. It was extra stinky and rather different in texture than all the others so far. It hurt like crazy, brought back the bad cramps, like those I was having during the first few days.
After the passing that one, my bleeding quickly turned to brown spotting then light brown spotting and then 4 days of light yellowish discharge. The horrible smell went away, the cramps went away and the headaches became less severe. Also, my HCG levels, which had been slowing dropping, returned to very close to zero around this time. What a relief to be through the majority of the "physical" symptoms. We even resumed sexual activity at around 3 weeks (with condom use), but it did produce darker spotting again. I also began working out again around this time, it also produced darker spotting again.
But then I started having dreams about my lost baby, dreams where I was holding the dead fetus again or even where I was still pregnant. I would wake up feeling tickled to be pregnant, only to realize that I was not pregnant; that I had miscarried. The physical process had been so significant, that I had kind of put my loss to the side in order to just get through the pain and bleeding. Now all the emotional pain is coming back in torrents.
No when I think about healing and trying again, I get rather depressed. I am scared to try again because I don't want to go through anything like that again. I am afraid my body will just kill the next baby, too. Maybe it was a sign that it wasn't meant to be. Hopefully these feeling will go away with time. I just don't know.
At this point DH and I are waiting for my first period after m/c and slowly coming to terms with what happened. I really take comfort in the hugs and well wishes of my friends and family. I hope that those of you reading this know that you are not alone. I hope in sharing my experience I can help comfort someone else out there. Take care.
Last edited by NessaB; July 13th, 2009 at 12:55 PM.
Oh honey, I am so very sorry you are going through this. I wish I could answer your questions for you. I do not know what is normal and what is not. I am going through this right now as well. Maybe one of the other ladies can help answer some of your question. IMHO, maye you should call your Dr. back.? I know how it is not to have a Dr. that is very informative or compastionate. Please stick around and join us. Everyone here is a pillar of strength and it does help. Noone should ever have to go through this. We are here for you, every step of the way.
Last edited by platinumhome; July 3rd, 2009 at 11:02 AM.
Thank you for your kind words. I can't tell you how much they mean to me. I am getting better with time (and the doctor keeps telling me that I am, indeed, normal, and I am healing up as expected). I hope you are doing alright as well.
Hello Nessa, I'm so sorry for your loss & your very scary experience. I miscarried almost 2 weeks ago now (@ 11 wks 3 days) & my m/c was actually very similar. I don't think you are gross at all for wanting to see your baby. I wish I had seen mine now. I didn't really realize I was miscarrying until I felt something that I thought HAD to be the baby pass through... that's when I knew. It is extremely scary & I do have to say... you are so much stronger than I am. I couldn't take the pain any longer & went to the ER where they helped my m/c along with a D&C, after of course doing an u/s to ensure that I was indeed miscarrying. My u/s revealed that there wasn't a baby in my uterus any longer, which I really already knew.