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Grandmother and miscarriage


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  #1  
February 17th, 2007, 03:56 PM
Regular
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 2
You have all been through so much. My heart goes out to all of you. When my third grandchild, Gabriel was born, he almost didn't make it. Through many prayers he survived but has severe cerebral palsy and brain damage, but a smile and laugh that pulls on your heart strings. My daughter had her second miscarriage in a year. She was 5 months along in her pregnancy this time. This happened a week ago and she won't even see her mother, me, or her husbands parents. She was able to hold her baby and say good-bye. It hurts so much not to be able to hold and comfort my child when in crisis. We weren't even allowed to attend the memorial. I'm honoring her wishes and staying away but it hurts. Has anyone isolated themselves from everyone like this and what can we do to help her heal? Everyone deals with grieve in different ways and I want to do the right thing. I'm not sure sitting back and waiting is the right thing. I'm too far away to even take food! I feel useless but, honestly, even though this sounds like I am licking my wounds (I am) my concern is for her and her husband and the baby they lost and I know that my feelings don't matter at this point. Thank you so very much and my prayers are with you all.
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  #2  
February 18th, 2007, 09:39 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
Hi Grandmother...I'm so sorry for your daughter's loss. It's so true, a loss affects the entire family. I know when we had our 3 losses my parent's and my DH's parent's took them all very hard and grieved. Just reading your post I can see how much you love her and are concerned. Your daughter is very blessed to have a mom like you.

Everybody grieves in different ways, but if she wants to be isolated than perhaps you could send a card and some flowers. It'll give her the sapce that she wants, but still lets her know she's not alone and that you care very much.

There's a great post here on things to say and do if a loved one has had a m/c. Here's the link Dealing with Family & Friends

Feel free to post and check in with us again. I've found this group to be a great support during my losses.
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  #3  
February 19th, 2007, 06:16 PM
Regular
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 2
Quote:
Hi Grandmother...I'm so sorry for your daughter's loss. It's so true, a loss affects the entire family. I know when we had our 3 losses my parent's and my DH's parent's took them all very hard and grieved. Just reading your post I can see how much you love her and are concerned. Your daughter is very blessed to have a mom like you.

Everybody grieves in different ways, but if she wants to be isolated than perhaps you could send a card and some flowers. It'll give her the sapce that she wants, but still lets her know she's not alone and that you care very much.

There's a great post here on things to say and do if a loved one has had a m/c. Here's the link Dealing with Family & Friends

Feel free to post and check in with us again. I've found this group to be a great support during my losses.[/b]
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  #4  
February 21st, 2007, 05:53 PM
Astrid's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 27,408
You are a very sweet grandmother AND mother for finding us & posting. I can only imagine how hard this is on you. In my 16 months here on Just Mommies & on Pregnancy Loss, I have seen several women isolate themselves b/c of their grief. It isn't uncommon. Unfortunately, a loss at 5 months, can be very hard on everyone that is involved and/or knew about it. My family went through heck trying to deal w/ me & my husband BUT we managed to open up enough to them so that they could support us. It wasn't easy by any means, to the point where my husband's parents told HIM that they didn't want to know about the next pregnancy until after the 1st trimester. They were hurt so badly & couldn't do anything to help which I am sure is a whole new area of pain that I can't fathom understanding right now.

What you have done by coming here is amazing and I hope that your daughter finds it in her wounded heart to open up to you & allow you to hold her. Please feel free to come into our main board & post there. You may get more responses. My heart & prayers are with your daughter, her husband, you and the rest of your family.
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