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It started saturday, April 14th 2007, i had gotten back from the doctors after hearing that my baby had passed and my hormone levels were down to 16,000. He told me that i would miscarry and if i didn't pass everything like i should then i will have to have a u/s on wenesday and then he'd scedule me in for a D&C.
I got home from the doctors and had cramping, nothing i could not handle at the time. I had been bleeding red since the day prior, so the red bleeding was still happening. I went to the bathroom as soon as i got home and passed the first clot, my partner said that he thought it was the baby. Throughout the afternoon, the cramps got more and more intense and i passed two more bits of tissue, one in the toilet and the other came out on the toilet paper. I took two painkillers and went to bed.
I woke up this morning feeling OK. No cramps straight away but i knew they would come. I went to the toilet as i do, and again i passed another clot. I was told by the doctor to walk around to "loosen" the tissue. So Buddy and I went to the shops and he bought me dvds i wanted, and on the way home the pains got more and more intense and seemed to be right on top of one another. I finally got home and ran to the bathroom, because i had this pressure feeling in the lower part of my uterus. As soon as i sat down the tissue passed through, the pain subsided, but was still sortof there, just not as intense. Over the next few hours i started to see some smaller clots on the toilet paper.
Around 7:00pm i started to get bad cramps again, these ones were horrible. I could barely walk, so Buddy had to help me to the toilet, because i just couldn't do it alone. He squatted in front of me holding my hands while i was on the toilet, i was trying to push the clot out of me. It didn't happen, so i went back to the bedroom, put the hot water bottle on my stomach and took two painkillers. My body was so stressed and tense it took ages for the pain killers to kick in. They finally did and i felt better.
I was walking back to the bedroom when i felt something move down and felt like something was hanging out of me (sorry TMI). I ran to the bathroom, hopeing that whatever i was going to pass would just fall into the toilet. My underwear and pad was stopping it from coming out altogether. I pulled down my pants and sadly it fell on my underwear. I started crying, so Buddy had to pick it up with toilet paper. It was huge. I knew that, that was part of the sac that had come away, and that was the biggest part i've passed. I had a decent look at it and could see some tissue inside the clot and was so heartbroken that this was happening. Its my worst nightmare.
The bleeding was bad. I have gone through three pairs of underwear tonight and two pj bottoms because the pad has not fully protected them from the bleeding. The blood is different to what i would get with a period. Its bright red.
Currently i'm feeling better - no cramps. So i think i've passed everything, or most of it anyways. I have to go to the doctors tomorrow because just incase its not over, i want to get some stronger pain killers. Like Pandaine forte or something.
I don't i'll need the D&C. My body is doing it alone. But i was ready to give up. I just couldn't handle the pain. It was horrible. I cried and cried because i wasn't giving my baby a proper buriel. Everything i passed went down the toilet. It hurts so badly.
I'm hopeing that it isn't too much longer until i'm completely finished passing everything so i can really grieve the loss of my baby. Its extremely hard right now because of the pain and grief.