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let the healing begin


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  #1  
October 24th, 2007, 02:48 AM
keekopeeko's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: virginia
Posts: 7,278
Here's my story..

It all started with that beautiful "pregnant" that popped up one day.... and continued on beautifully until i was 10 wks and 3 days pregnant.... i started to spot that wednesday afternoon... but it was just brown blood, so i tried not to worry. I had been feeling great for about a week by then, not feeling pregnant at all. So i did worry. It continued to spot thursday... i called my OBG and was told it was normal and to come in if i felt alot of cramping or started to bleed heavily. So i continued to spot through friday. During this time i put myself on bed and pelvic rest. Then saturday afternoon i noticed it was getting heavier and starting to turn brighter red. That evening my parents came to watch layla for us and we went to the ER. At the ER they took my blood and told me the bleeding really was coming from my cervix and that it could continue on into a miscarriage, or not. So i tried to take hope. I was on bedrest and bleeding (still lightly) through sunday. Monday morning i went into my OBG and they did and ultra sound. They could not find a heart beat, and the baby was much smaller than he should have been at 11 weeks pregnant. The Dr. and i decided that i would go home and wait out an impending miscarriage and if it didnt happen i would have a D&C scheduled for the next friday. I prayed ( and told everyone else to pray ) for a quick and natural miscarriage, so that it would be over and the healing could begin.

The next day, tuesday, (yesterday) i went about my day normally.. i cleaned the house i ran errands.. but i avoided phone calls and didnt let anyone come over. I wanted to be free to cry when i needed to cry.. free to clean as much as i needed to clean. Free to mourn for the baby i was carrying that i knew was lost.
Around 2:30 pm i noticed i was starting to cramp in a manner that reminded me of my early labor contractions. They would come and go. I went for a drive with my layla, and had the windows down and let the wind blow. I asked my baby to forgive my body for letting it go. I told baby e that i loved him/her...and that i was sorry for what was going to happen and that i couldnt wait to see him/her in heaven one day. I let go and let God.
3:30 my husband came home from work and we ran a couple errands and i called my OBG and asked what to expect. I was told the pain would get worse and it could go on anywhere from 24 hrs to a few days. I took some motrin at about 4:30 and started to really feel like i was in labor. It was a constant contraction. About 5:45pm i was in so much pain i called my OBG (they close at 6) and asked if it was possible to get a d&c that night just to make the pain stop. I didnt feel like it was fair that i had to go through that much pain and not have a baby at the end of it. It reminded me of how i felt when i was in labor at about 3 -4 cm...but it was constant, not every 4 minutes or whatever it was at that time.
I called my mom to come watch layla for us while we went to the hospital to have the d&c.
Then at 6:20ish?? after i had been walking around the house contantly to try to releive the pain. Before my mom even made it to our house. I went to the bathroom and the baby and im guessing the placenta, came out, completely whole. It felt like the same feeling i had when laylas head was already out and i pushed the rest of her body out very quickly and slidy and strange.. i cant describe it. But i imediately felt better. the cramps went away to a dull pain, and the weight of waiting lifted off my shoulders.
I saved the baby in a plastic bag and wrote and note to the baby, and put the baggie in a small gift bag to bury later.
Then my mom came, and my husband dug a whole in a peacefull corner of our yard and we said prayers and said goodbye.
My mom stayed with us for the evening.
During that time i was bleeding heavily and at one point something else came out that looked exactly like a plastic bag. No idea what it was, but after that i bled more. About 2 hours after the actaul miscarriage my bleeding started to slow down. I am still bleeding but its not nearly as heavy as it was.
I fell asleep at about 10 pm and woke up at about 3:30 and havent been able to go back to sleep, so i decided to write my story.
My husband will stay home from work today and be with me and help me relax.
Im so glad its finished. I feel a huge releif in my heart.

Thank you for reading.

Baby E 10-23-07 EDD May 11 08

~Em
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~Em, Married to Matt since 7/3/04. Mommy to Layla 3/29/06, Eva 10/18/08, Zeke 2/4/11 and Jonah 7/28/13

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  #2  
March 24th, 2008, 11:33 AM
keekopeeko's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: virginia
Posts: 7,278
Hello ladies... I wanted to update this story.. because it has continued!!

I ended up having to have a follow up D&C on Nov 2nd... i bled for about 10 days after that... and then exactly 4 weeks after my natural miscarriage on the 23rd and about 2 weeks after my d&c i had my first period! ... then we started trying to conceive... my periods were very regular.. ovulate on CD 14 and start my period on CD 27... I did temp... two cycles went by with BFNs.. they were very hard... because all i wanted in the world was to BE pregnant.. after what seemed like forever.. on our third cycle of trying we got our BFP! I am due Oct 18th.. which to me is truely wonderful.. i want to be holding a baby in my arms on the date of my loss... And its just been with in the past week that i am finally thinking this might happen!!!

we'd had a scare... at 8 weeks i started spotting and it turned out i had a blood clot.. a little over a week later, of light work and pelvic rest, we went back to the Dr. at 9w and 4 days and the baby was perfect and no more blood clot! and then just this morning i think i was able to find the babies heart beat on the doppler i rented.. i am 10w and 2d today...

I started spotting when i was pregnant with baby E at 10w3d and lost him at 11w2d... But baby E had probably stopped growing when i was about 9 weeks pregnant... so i know we have a heart beat past that time.. and i feel the excitement for this baby! Ebaby! growing!!!

~Em
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~Em, Married to Matt since 7/3/04. Mommy to Layla 3/29/06, Eva 10/18/08, Zeke 2/4/11 and Jonah 7/28/13

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  #3  
April 8th, 2008, 05:26 PM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In the Wild and Wonderful
Posts: 4,844
I am sorry for your loss I know that its one of the hardest things that a woman can go through. And Congratulations on your pregnancy!
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  #4  
May 1st, 2008, 05:03 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 709
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PREGNANCY!!! ENJOY YOUR HAPPY AND HEALTHY 9 MONTHS!!!
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  #5  
June 2nd, 2008, 05:51 AM
keekopeeko's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: virginia
Posts: 7,278
Just wanted to share again that i am now 20 weeks pregnant and things are going wonderfully!!!

I had yet another bleeding scare at 10 weeks and 5 days.. and had a follow up ultra sound at 11w and 2d... and got to see my baby squirming around. I was thrilled to see my baby on that particular day of my pregnancy. That has been the last scare!

~Em
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~Em, Married to Matt since 7/3/04. Mommy to Layla 3/29/06, Eva 10/18/08, Zeke 2/4/11 and Jonah 7/28/13

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  #6  
June 20th, 2008, 01:16 PM
Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: O'Fallon, IL
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I am glad to hear you are pregnant and doing so good
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  #7  
December 8th, 2008, 10:49 AM
keekopeeko's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: virginia
Posts: 7,278
i had our second baby girl on oct 18th (my due date!)...

things went perfectly and she is wonderful and healthy.

i wear a necklace with a locket that has an ultra sound picture of all 3 of my babies... 2 here with me, and our one angel, that is still missed.

~em
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~Em, Married to Matt since 7/3/04. Mommy to Layla 3/29/06, Eva 10/18/08, Zeke 2/4/11 and Jonah 7/28/13

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