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november was probably the worst month ive ever had in my life. other than that it was my husband and my one year anniversary which was good, it was all pretty terrible. my tires on my car cant seem to keep together, i had a flat and a blow out in the same week while going to work. my bro in law got arrested for being stupid (hes a good kid just makes stupid decisions) so we cleaned out our bank account to bail him out and pay his rent. my husband had an asthma attack on more than one occasion and one of those we were in the er until 1am when i had work the next morning, to name a few things gone wrong. then on the 24th i realized i was late. i took a test and it was positive and then everything that had happened in the month before just didnt seem to matter anymore. my husband and i were beyond excited. he loves kids and they love him and i knew hed be a really good father. that was a saturday night. i went in the monday after for a blood test and then made my first prenatal appointment for the 14th of december. we told everyone because we were too excited not to. i went with my mom that monday to the bookstore and we bought baby books, and a countdown calender that shows how far along the baby is. saturday night i was in bed an started having the worst cramps ive ever had in my life, and i can get them pretty bad. i didnt know if it was normal or not or what to do, but i guess i finally eventually fell asleep. there was no blood in my bed or on me in the morning but i went to the bathroom and there was blood then. i look in and there was my baby. it was so tiny. i didnt know what to do i was just in shock. youre always afraid that it could happen i ugess but you never think it actually will happen to you. i didnt know what to do and i didnt want my husband to see it because i was afraid of him being too upset. he doesnt like seeing pictures of fetuses. he only said he would want to see our own baby. i know it was ours but i didnt want him to have to go through it or know if he would want to, i guess i just wasnt thinking very well, i flushed it. i didnt know what else to do. instantly after i regretted it. i still feel horrible about it i wish i hadnt. i told him and he just started to cry. we stayed in bed together most of the day. i didnt go to work the next day. i work in a jewelry store, but its right across from carters, and next door to gymboree and baby gap. almost everyone who comes into the store to look is either pregnant or has a baby. thats also all they can seem to talk about. i see them walking in and out of carters all day too. ive gone to work once so far and i had to leave early. everyone i know is pregnant. all the commercials on tv are about babies, the songs on the radio are about kids. and i hate it because i dont know what to do with myself. this was my first pregnancy. i only knew it for about a week but yeah... i dont know...