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Sophie Lucille


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  #1  
October 25th, 2006, 11:06 AM
ambee's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 5,740
I tried to post this before, but the post never showed up. So I'll try again! I'm sharing this because I hope this it will bring comfort to someone else who may have to go through this in the future.
We got pregnant with Sophie almost a year after we lost our first baby. The pregnancy was fairly uneventful except for some spotting issues in the first trimester.
The story really begins when I went in for a routine 16 week check-up at the doctor's. My midwife was trying to find the baby's heartbeat via doppler, but couldn't find it so she walked me across the hall to the ultrasound room. I had several u/s during the pregnancy because of the spotting earlier in the pregnancy, so I knew as soon as she put that wand to my belly that something wasn't right. She had grown immensly since I'd last seen her on u/s, but she wasn't moving at all and there wasn't the little blinking light that would have been her heartbeat. The midwife's face just fell, and I knew that we had lost our precious baby. An OB came in at that point, but she also couldn't find it and told me that we would have to induce labor to have her.
I was terrified. I'd never been in labor so I had absolutely no idea what to expect. She said we could wait a few weeks if we wanted to, but she recommened doing it as soon as possible, so we decided to do it the next day.
It was the hardest thing in the world the next morning to convince myself to get out of bed and go into the hospital, knowing that when I came home I wouldn't be pregnant anymore.
When I got to the hospital the doctor came in and started asking me a bunch of tough questions. Did I want to see the baby once it was born? Did I want to take it home and bury it, or leave it at the hospital? Did I want a full autopsy done? Obviously these are questions no woman should ever have to consider. We decided that yes, we wanted the autopsy, no we didn't want a funeral (we didn't want to bury here where we live now, since we're military and knew we wouldn't be staying here) and I didn't know if I wanted to see her after she was born or not. Actually, I was pretty convinced that I did NOT want to see her, I thought it would be just too hard and too scary. My DH, however, did want to.
After we signed all of the paperwork they hooked me up to an IV and shortly after the doctor came in to put the medicine in my cervix that would cause it to dialate and make the contractions start. It wasn't any more uncomfortable than a pap. We waited for 4 hours, but I was at that time only 1cm dialted so they gave me more of the cervix medicin.
At the end of that 4 hours I was contracting pretty heavily and in a lot of pain. I did have the option of getting an epidural, but I chose not to because I didn't want to numb myself to the experience. It was still the birth of my first child, and I wanted to be a part of it. So they administered a pain reliever via the IV which helped a little. I think I got 3 doses total of the medicine, and after the 3rd dose my water broke. Soon after that the contractions were pretty unbearable again and I felt the urge to push.
The pushing wasn't bad at all obviously because she was so little. After I delivered her they took her over to the warmer to check her out and see if they could tell what happened. It was at that time I found out she was a girl.
My husband watched as they cleaned her up, and then they wrapped her up and he held her. At that point I still wasn't sure if I wanted to see her, but he convinced me that I'd regret it if I didn't.
When he laid that tiny little baby in my arms, I realized that there was no way she could be scary or gross to me...she was mine, she came from my body, and she was nothing if not beautiful. We had several hours with her to hold her and the hospital took some pictures on a disposable that they gave us...we still havn't developed the pictures. I'm sure I will someday, but I just don't think I'm ready to yet.
After it was all said and done, I was in the hospital for about 24 hours. Though it was terribly painful, emotionally and physically, it was still one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever gone through. I did something I was terrified of, and never would have thought I'd have the strength to go through it. I'm so glad I was able to do it that way instead of having a D&C, as it felt like I had some closure from the whole ordeal. I had a real transition from pregnancy to not being pregnant, and it just increased my knowledge that she was mine, regardless of the fact that I didn't get to bring her home with me.
She was very tiny... 1.0 oz and 6 1/2 inches long. But she was so perfect...and I can't regret an experience as meaningful as it was, regarldess of the pain involved.
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Sophie Lucille: In my life for a moment, in my heart for a lifetime. May 25th, 2006 at 16 weeks.
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  #2  
November 4th, 2006, 02:44 PM
*Fiona*
Guest
Posts: n/a
I'm so sorry for your loss. As you said, no woman should have to go through this
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  #3  
November 11th, 2006, 07:00 PM
Regular
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 7
Quote:
I tried to post this before, but the post never showed up. So I'll try again! I'm sharing this because I hope this it will bring comfort to someone else who may have to go through this in the future.
We got pregnant with Sophie almost a year after we lost our first baby. The pregnancy was fairly uneventful except for some spotting issues in the first trimester.
The story really begins when I went in for a routine 16 week check-up at the doctor's. My midwife was trying to find the baby's heartbeat via doppler, but couldn't find it so she walked me across the hall to the ultrasound room. I had several u/s during the pregnancy because of the spotting earlier in the pregnancy, so I knew as soon as she put that wand to my belly that something wasn't right. She had grown immensly since I'd last seen her on u/s, but she wasn't moving at all and there wasn't the little blinking light that would have been her heartbeat. The midwife's face just fell, and I knew that we had lost our precious baby. An OB came in at that point, but she also couldn't find it and told me that we would have to induce labor to have her.
I was terrified. I'd never been in labor so I had absolutely no idea what to expect. She said we could wait a few weeks if we wanted to, but she recommened doing it as soon as possible, so we decided to do it the next day.
It was the hardest thing in the world the next morning to convince myself to get out of bed and go into the hospital, knowing that when I came home I wouldn't be pregnant anymore.
When I got to the hospital the doctor came in and started asking me a bunch of tough questions. Did I want to see the baby once it was born? Did I want to take it home and bury it, or leave it at the hospital? Did I want a full autopsy done? Obviously these are questions no woman should ever have to consider. We decided that yes, we wanted the autopsy, no we didn't want a funeral (we didn't want to bury here where we live now, since we're military and knew we wouldn't be staying here) and I didn't know if I wanted to see her after she was born or not. Actually, I was pretty convinced that I did NOT want to see her, I thought it would be just too hard and too scary. My DH, however, did want to.
After we signed all of the paperwork they hooked me up to an IV and shortly after the doctor came in to put the medicine in my cervix that would cause it to dialate and make the contractions start. It wasn't any more uncomfortable than a pap. We waited for 4 hours, but I was at that time only 1cm dialted so they gave me more of the cervix medicin.
At the end of that 4 hours I was contracting pretty heavily and in a lot of pain. I did have the option of getting an epidural, but I chose not to because I didn't want to numb myself to the experience. It was still the birth of my first child, and I wanted to be a part of it. So they administered a pain reliever via the IV which helped a little. I think I got 3 doses total of the medicine, and after the 3rd dose my water broke. Soon after that the contractions were pretty unbearable again and I felt the urge to push.
The pushing wasn't bad at all obviously because she was so little. After I delivered her they took her over to the warmer to check her out and see if they could tell what happened. It was at that time I found out she was a girl.
My husband watched as they cleaned her up, and then they wrapped her up and he held her. At that point I still wasn't sure if I wanted to see her, but he convinced me that I'd regret it if I didn't.
When he laid that tiny little baby in my arms, I realized that there was no way she could be scary or gross to me...she was mine, she came from my body, and she was nothing if not beautiful. We had several hours with her to hold her and the hospital took some pictures on a disposable that they gave us...we still havn't developed the pictures. I'm sure I will someday, but I just don't think I'm ready to yet.
After it was all said and done, I was in the hospital for about 24 hours. Though it was terribly painful, emotionally and physically, it was still one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever gone through. I did something I was terrified of, and never would have thought I'd have the strength to go through it. I'm so glad I was able to do it that way instead of having a D&C, as it felt like I had some closure from the whole ordeal. I had a real transition from pregnancy to not being pregnant, and it just increased my knowledge that she was mine, regardless of the fact that I didn't get to bring her home with me.
She was very tiny... 1.0 oz and 6 1/2 inches long. But she was so perfect...and I can't regret an experience as meaningful as it was, regarldess of the pain involved.[/b]


Hi,

We, too, lost a baby girl. We lost her on October 27th @ 18 weeks. And your story intrigues me. While I extend my heartfelt condolensces, let me thank you for sharing.

I went in for a routine check-up. My ob-gyn could not find a heartbeat on the doppler, so we tried the u/s. And there was none.

Even though we have 3 boys, they were all delivered via c-sec. I'd never had a vaginal delivery before. So, my ob/gyn inserted a strip of some sort to help me dialate in preparation for a d&e the following day. It worked.

However, we live 1 hour away from our local hospital. (It's really rural here.) I went into labor and actually delivered in the back seat of my husband's truck. The horror!!!!

We rushed to the ER where the attending physician brilliantly announced that I had miscarried.

They placed our baby in a "conception container".

I had to ask to see it. They hesitated, but complied.

I never got to hold her. They never told me anything about her size or weight. They just took her away to pathology and we never saw her again.

I applaud your resiliency.

I suffer from swings that are driving me crazy. While I pride myself on being this pillar of strength and never in a million years would I have thought that I would lament something like this with 3 living children. But each pregnancy is so spiritually unique that it develops it's own parameters of being. And as the mother, you're usually the first to know and feel what that is.

I wish you much peace and restfulness.
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