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Holy crap do i want this?!


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  #1  
March 29th, 2010, 09:41 AM
Leffew's Avatar is baking!
Join Date: Oct 2009
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Here's the deal.

Out of nowhere, my intuition tells me to believe I really am pregnant. This month we were totally relaxed about it, I didn't temp, didn't OPK, didn't check CM or CP... nothing. We just enjoyed each other as a married couple and that was that. I know when I ovulated. My body makes it obvious by cramping for an hour or so.

I first felt it yesterday. I know this may sound weird, but its true. I have eczema. It usually shows up in the dead middle of winter, UNLESS I am pregnant. When I am pregnant, it starts on my neck. If it shows up when I am not pregnant, it starts on my boob. Well, yesterday, I felt the scaly itchy start of eczema on the base of my neck.

Today kinda confirmed my thoughts. I do not like olives, but I can be around them. I was at my sister's house and she pulls out a jar and just started eating them. I got a whiff of them and had to hold back a gag.

So, yes... I am excited that I could be, but at the same time OMG THE FREAKING ANXIETY!!! It hasn't hit me before now. What if I am?! Then comes a whole new set of worries. Tons of blood tests and ultrasounds and shots three times a day and still no guarantee that I will get to bring a baby home in the end!!! I will spend the next 4 months freaking out, waiting for that one ultrasound when they say "I'm sorry Nicole, the baby stopped growing."

The anxiety from that alone could not possibly be healthy for me OR for a fetus, right?! Do I want to put myself through that? Granted, it is too late now, but do I want to keep trying? Do I even want to be pregnant again just to take that much of a risk?

Ugh. I'm terrified.
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  #2  
March 29th, 2010, 09:49 AM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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*hugs* You have to follow your heart. At this point, I can't imagine not trying...
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  #3  
March 31st, 2010, 10:49 AM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ah! When are you going to POAS?????

And the answer to your question is....YES with all of your heart you want this. Every shot, feeling of worry, wave of m/s, cramp in a place that makes your mind wonder, all of it!!! B/c it means that you may get to hold a baby in your arms in 9m and call it your own.

PG after loss is terrifying!!!! But is can have a happy ending.

AH!!!!! I am so excited for you!!!
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  #4  
March 31st, 2010, 11:13 AM
Leffew's Avatar is baking!
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I did get a quant done yesterday. It was .1 Definitely not pregnant. I've given up about 90% of my hope. The only thing I have left is that I have not yet implanted.

I know every pregnancy is different and implantation can occur from 7-12 DPO, BUT, only 2 of my pregnancies were discovered after AF was late (the first two when I was young and didn't know my body as well)... the other 7, I knew by 10 or 11 DPO at the absolute latest. If I implanted yesterday, or today, testing tomorrow wont make a difference, especially if most tests don't pick anything up until your level is 10... that takes about 2-3 days, right? Maybe I will refrain from testing until Friday. AF is due Monday I think?
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  #5  
March 31st, 2010, 11:48 AM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sorry the test did not come back the way you were hoping. But you are right...could be a late implate or a late O! You were not temping or charting or even thinking about it. Who knows!

I hope AF stays away!!!! Good luck (((HUGS)))
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