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I'm freaking out.


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  #1  
February 9th, 2012, 10:49 PM
MountainMomma's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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This was the first month back to TTC. We haven't been preventing, bet there also hasn't been a lot of trying either. This month, we actually tried. Now I am freaking out. It's been over a year and a half since my last BFP. I am terrified that it might never happen again. I am also terrified that I am going to see a BFP and that I am going to lose another pregnancy. I'm nearing the end of my 2WW and I am starting to get hopeful for the first time in I don't even know how long. I think that almost makes it even worse. Maybe if I didn't feel hopeful, I would feel less scared.

I've got very tender breasts, I'm tired, I'm semi-nauseated, and I'm crazy emotional...... like bawling constantly over stupid stuff. Those all seem like great things. However, this evening I am feeling a bit crampy (which I know can be a pregnancy symptom too). I am just terrified. I'm less than a month away from 6 years of TTC. I've had 8 miscarriages in that time. I don't think I can handle another loss, so I can't let myself get excited. I worry I won't get excited even when I do see a BFP. I've even told DH that if we do get pregnant I don't want to tell anyone..... even family........ until the baby is born.

I just wish. more than anything, that I knew why I am not allowed to have my happy ending.
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  #2  
February 14th, 2012, 12:06 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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Location: Wisconsin
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*hugs* I'm sorry this got overlooked, I was in here yesterday and I don't remember seeing it!

I don't have any special advice... but just know we're here for you. I can't remember (augie can vouch, my memory blows lately), did you ever find a reason for your losses?
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  #3  
February 14th, 2012, 09:42 AM
Happy Song's Avatar Nicole
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That is a scary place to be. We are here for you.
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  #4  
February 14th, 2012, 09:44 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Illinois
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If you do get a bfp, do you have plans on what you would do?
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  #5  
February 15th, 2012, 12:06 PM
esparando para bebé's Avatar Proud Car Seat Technician
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*hugs* Sorry I missed this Steph. When is AF due?
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