Log In Sign Up

not really ttc...


Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To TTC after recurrent loss LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
July 16th, 2006, 06:54 PM
srs srs is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
I know we've talked about this already, but I still feel totally numb when it comes to the ttc issue. I don't really feel like we're ttc, because honestly I'm trying to avoid even thinking about it. That doesn't seem like it would be very healthy, but at this point I feel like I emotionally can't deal with hoping for another baby. Even if I got pg again soon (and we're not preventing it, so it's totally possible), I have absolutely no idea how I'd feel. I'd probably cry first thing, whether or not I was happy.
I guess what I'm rambling around to saying is that I'm pretty sure every ob/gyn and psychologist in the world would tell me that I'm not ready to ttc again, but I cannot force myself to use any kind of protection. I will not physically do it. And I really have no idea why. Is it grief? Or maybe deep down I really do want to be pg again? Or have I lost my mind? Maybe I'm just not as uptight as I used to be, when I thought I actually had some control over my body.
__________________
Sara

Need Breastfeeding Support?





Reply With Quote
  #2  
July 16th, 2006, 07:09 PM
StephLS's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 653
Quote:
but I cannot force myself to use any kind of protection. I will not physically do it. And I really have no idea why. Is it grief? Or maybe deep down I really do want to be pg again? Or have I lost my mind? Maybe I'm just not as uptight as I used to be, when I thought I actually had some control over my body.[/b]
I know what you mean. DH mentioned waiting till the next cycle to start ttc again. My immediate gut reaction is that I definitely don't want to try and prevent it. Maybe its part of the "what if??" The what if I was supposed to get pregnant right again.. what if this was meant to be my next chance to have a baby and I prevented it?? I do know that I want to be pregant again. I'm not ready to give up. So that's probably why my reaction is what it is.
__________________

Married to Eric since June 25, 2005
mom to
3 Angel babies and Ryan and Rachel
Ryan born 6-18-08
Rachel born 3-20-10
Baby boy due on 2-24-14









Everything Good comes on time - we just don't know when that time is.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
July 16th, 2006, 07:40 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I get ya Sara - and I don't know what to tell you about it because I haven't figured that out for myself yet either. I have some reasons to wait (the newest of which is that I broke another tooth yesterday..but thankfully am not in any pain)...but most of me has no desire to wait or prevent or anything. I was very sad on Monday to have EWCm & to not be willing to to ignore it & go on with life, but to know it meant I should be careful, because my life right now is not so condusive...but my heart feels ready.

I can't imagine when my life straightens out that I will be back to TTC truly. I think I will just let it all go & see where it leads me. I think you are right when you say I have given up on having control - that is exactly where I am for hte most part.
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




Reply With Quote
  #4  
July 17th, 2006, 04:37 PM
srs srs is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
Quote:
I get ya Sara - and I don't know what to tell you about it because I haven't figured that out for myself yet either.[/b]
It's definitely a strange feeling, isn't it? I've been trying to figure it out for the past month or so, and I've got no clue.

Beck-Sorry to hear about your tooth! That's too bad that life is getting in the way for you. I hope things work themselves out and you can at least be in the "confused and unsure" camp (with me! ) rather the "have to prevent for other reasons" camp.

Steph- I think a lot of it is the "what ifs", because I am definitely acting totally on instinct, and I used to be such a rational person, to the point of being uptight. Maybe it's panic, I don't know, maybe some tiny bit of mothering instinct, but I have a very strong reaction that preventing is bad!

DH, of course, is totally thrilled that I pitched the condoms. I definitely didn't want to go back on bcp, because it took a long time for my body to adjust to being off of them, and I still wonder if that might have caused my first mc (I got pg less than two months off of bcp).
__________________
Sara

Need Breastfeeding Support?





Reply With Quote
  #5  
July 18th, 2006, 08:15 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
Can I join the confused and unsure camp? Please...!!!!???

One of my former bosses has 9 kids, about 1.5-2 years apart. I remember talking to him one time and he said that they would have as many children as God blessed them with. At the time I couldn't comprehend that. After two losses back to back, I'm starting to understand what he meant. I understand now that I am not in control of whether or not I get pg nor of whether or not the next pg will result in a take-home baby (saw that phrase in someone's post a while ago and loved it).

So, DH and I are not preventing and so far I'm not dwelling on where I am in my cycle, etc. I don't plan to test unless AF seems to be way late. I've always been a 28 dayer, but first AF after d&c was at 35 days, so I won't test until at least cd35 if I get the nerve to test at all. I think my brain believes that if I don't test and don't know, then anything that happens would just be AF. I think my heart would know the difference though and that's scary, too.
__________________
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
Reply With Quote
  #6  
July 18th, 2006, 08:05 PM
srs srs is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
Quote:
I think my brain believes that if I don't test and don't know, then anything that happens would just be AF. I think my heart would know the difference though and that's scary, too.[/b]
I've thought that too! Like if I don't know it happens, then mc#3 wouldn't count. Unfortunately, neither of my mcs ever looked anyhting much like an af, so I guess denial won't work (sure is tempting though).

Kathryn, you're definitely welcome the confused and unsure camp!
__________________
Sara

Need Breastfeeding Support?





Reply With Quote
  #7  
July 18th, 2006, 08:37 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,479
I'm not really TTC either. I guess that I am trying more than most of you are, though. I am not doing any medical treatments, temping, or anything like that. Since my cycles are still very irregular, I am not really sure when I O either. I'm not sure that I want to know. However, I have mentioned BD'ing to DH when I think that I could have a chance of getting p/g, but I don't really push the issue if he doesn't feel like BD'ing and it doesn't bother me.
__________________







10/31/05 (EDD 5/15/06), 4/17/06 (EDD 11/13/06)
Chemical p/g 1/11/08

















Reply With Quote
  #8  
July 19th, 2006, 07:57 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
Even though I'm in the midst of my 3rd m/c my mind keeps going to back to this topic. We've longed for a baby for over 6 years and I just cacn't bear the thought of putting TTC on the backburner since we're so close, but now that I've had 3 losses I'm TERRIFIED of trying again. How many times do I have to go through this? I feel like I'm bringing this grief upon myself and each time I get a BFP I vow to be positive in thought but it's like I already know the outcome before it even happens!

We have an appointment with our RE next month and until I know why I keep m/c, I'm scared to TTC. I would hate to get another BFP and find out that I doomed it because of something my body is doing or lacking. Once we find out what's going on we'll start to TTC again. I guess in the back of my head though I feel like we might get pg again without trying since that's what happened last time, but I don't think I can handle another loss so quickly.

It's it terrible that we think so negatively. I can't help it though...since I'm just going by personal experience.
__________________
Thank you Claire1977 for my adorable siggy
For the special little one in your life!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
July 19th, 2006, 08:51 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
Nicole, I'm glad you're getting into your RE so quickly. Since docs usually recommend waiting one cycle before trying again, maybe you can get some answers from your RE before AF shows up.

I've almost cried each time DH and I have BD'd this past week. I want a baby so much my heart hurts, but I'm also very afraid of another loss. I'm sure none of us will ever be completely at ease with a pregnancy again. I just hope that if it happens, that I can be strong enough regardless of the outcome.
__________________
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
Reply With Quote
  #10  
July 19th, 2006, 11:29 AM
Mari13007's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 3,468
Here's my two cents into it, I thought I was ready to ttc again, but in reality, I'm so freaked out over my two losses that happened back to back, that I need a break. I'm telling myself mentally that I need a break, but deep down in my heart I really want to be pg. Right now, my dr had advised me to wait until I can get further testing done, I'm currently being screened for various antibodies. I can wait for the "all clear" but at the same time I can't. I stopped temping/charting, it was too stressful. And this is going to sound nuts, but I almost want them to find something wrong with me, just so that I feel like I have an answer as to why my losses occurred. The only protection that we have been using is not doing it LOL, and its driving my DH nuts LOL. The second time I got my BFP, I was not happy at all, its like I knew what was going to happen. I think I will react the same way the next time around, which is not fair to the lil'one, but its my self defense mechanism, kwim.
__________________



My BFP Chart[/url]
Reply With Quote
  #11  
July 21st, 2006, 02:59 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Quote:
Here's my two cents into it, I thought I was ready to ttc again, but in reality, I'm so freaked out over my two losses that happened back to back, that I need a break. I'm telling myself mentally that I need a break, but deep down in my heart I really want to be pg. Right now, my dr had advised me to wait until I can get further testing done, I'm currently being screened for various antibodies. I can wait for the "all clear" but at the same time I can't. I stopped temping/charting, it was too stressful. And this is going to sound nuts, but I almost want them to find something wrong with me, just so that I feel like I have an answer as to why my losses occurred. The only protection that we have been using is not doing it LOL, and its driving my DH nuts LOL. The second time I got my BFP, I was not happy at all, its like I knew what was going to happen. I think I will react the same way the next time around, which is not fair to the lil'one, but its my self defense mechanism, kwim.[/b]
I totally undertand wanting answers - but also make sure you have read the stickie in hte forum re" causes & testing. The reality is that if nothing is found - you have a better chance at carrying the next baby to term. I know not having answers is hard - but it truly can be harder to get results you don't want. Hang in thre - either way you'll feel better knowing everything has been checked out!
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




Reply With Quote
  #12  
July 21st, 2006, 05:09 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,479
Quote:
I know not having answers is hard - but it truly can be harder to get results you don't want.[/b]
That is why I haven't gone for testing yet. I think that I would rather not know and take my chances, then to find out that I will m/c 9 times out of 10. I remember once that someone posted that they were happy with the answers that they got because they learned that if the problem occurred that they would always m/c and not carry to term. For me, that would just make me worry more, because that doesn't mean that it was a fluke that would not occur again, all it meant to me was that the abnormality wouldn't let the baby ever develop to term.

Quote:
The second time I got my BFP, I was not happy at all, its like I knew what was going to happen. I think I will react the same way the next time around, which is not fair to the lil'one, but its my self defense mechanism, kwim.[/b]
I know what you mean. After my first m/c, I wanted to wait until after the u/s to even let myself be happy being p/g. In fact, when I went for the u/s, they could see that I was nervous and asked what I was nervous about. When I told them that I was worried that I wouldn't even see a baby, they told me not to worry. I think that we know more in our hearts than we give ourselves credit for though, because I was right..there was no baby because I had another b/o.
__________________







10/31/05 (EDD 5/15/06), 4/17/06 (EDD 11/13/06)
Chemical p/g 1/11/08

















Reply With Quote
  #13  
July 21st, 2006, 07:47 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 2,423
My goodness, I have so much to say here.........

Quote:
I'm sure none of us will ever be completely at ease with a pregnancy again.
I used to assume that every pg was going to end in a m/c. I wish I could go back to the days when I didn't feel the need to "check" everytime I went to the bathroom. I was just waiting for the bleeding to begin, because of course it was going to (that's what I assumed). I even did this when I was 6 months pg, I was still waiting for it to happen and I had to force myself to believe I was okay.


Quote:
The only protection that we have been using is not doing it LOL, and its driving my DH nuts LOL. The second time I got my BFP, I was not happy at all, its like I knew what was going to happen. I think I will react the same way the next time around, which is not fair to the lil'one, but its my self defense mechanism, kwim.
This totally sounds like my story so I absolutely know how you feel. After my last m/c and D&C in August 2005 I gave up and decided I didn't want to do it anymore. No more TTC meant no more SEX. I didn't let my DH anywhere near me. In October he became so frustrated he begged me, "married people don't live like this" he said, "once isn't going to hurt". Well...........I gave in, much to his satisfaction. It's like I knew immediately that something had happened because the next day I cried to my BF that I shouldn't have done it and I was not going to do it again until I had taken care of BC. I was right, it was too late. Nov 3 I was 6 days late and I POAS and of course got a BFP. I SAT ON THE FLOOR IN MY CLOSET AND CRIED. The crying continued for 5 days. At one point after my first u/s looked bad I said "I just want IT out" so my defense mechanism was to not make it a real thing. To this day I feel so bad for saying that especially when I look at my little cutie pie.



[quote]
Quote:

I know what you mean. After my first m/c, I wanted to wait until after the u/s to even let myself be happy being p/g. In fact, when I went for the u/s, they could see that I was nervous and asked what I was nervous about. When I told them that I was worried that I wouldn't even see a baby, they told me not to worry. I think that we know more in our hearts than we give ourselves credit for though, because I was right..there was no baby because I had another b/o.
Kind of continuing the story......I cried for 5 days and I cried when I made my prenatal appt and I was still crying when I went in. The same girls have been working in this office since the beginning so they have been through a lot with me. I was so upset I had them all crying too. I had my u/s asap because of my history. This was my 5th pg in 18 months. The first thing we saw.............was nothing. No baby, no heartbeat, just an irregular yolk sac and that was all. Of course I knew that was what we were going to see, I had already told myself that. My OB doesn't do anything without 2 conclusive u/s so we scheduled another for the day before Thanksgiving. I assumed that my D&C would shortly follow that so I made all the arrangements in my personal life to accomodate that. I went in, looking for my empty uterus only to see the little flicker of a heartbeat.

Sorry this is so long, but I just felt the need to say it.
__________________



visit my blog Rhondas random thoughts
Reply With Quote
  #14  
July 22nd, 2006, 11:08 AM
srs srs is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
Quote:
I SAT ON THE FLOOR IN MY CLOSET AND CRIED.[/b]

I like to think I'm being all brave with the "let's just see attitude," but I can guarantee that is exactly what's going to happen to me. I don't think I'm ever going to be ready for this, but I cannot live with the idea of giving up.

Quote:
my defense mechanism was to not make it a real thing.[/b]
I've been thinking along those lines too. Like maybe I can wait to poas until I miss two afs or something like that, since if I made it that far I would actually be farther along than I have ever been (my longest pg was about 7.5 weeks). I'm not sure I could really hold out that long, but it's a very tempting thought. What exactly can the dr. do anyway at 6wks? They're never going to be able to guarantee that things will work out anyway, so maybe I should just stay away until I have to go in.

I know that this is just a reaction to grief, and I really don't know what I'll do if and when I get pg again, but I am pretty sure it will involve a fair bit of crying.
__________________
Sara

Need Breastfeeding Support?





Reply With Quote
  #15  
July 22nd, 2006, 04:24 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 2,423
Quote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE
Quote:
I SAT ON THE FLOOR IN MY CLOSET AND CRIED.[/b]

I like to think I'm being all brave with the "let's just see attitude," but I can guarantee that is exactly what's going to happen to me. I don't think I'm ever going to be ready for this, but I cannot live with the idea of giving up.

Quote:
my defense mechanism was to not make it a real thing.[/b]
I've been thinking along those lines too. Like maybe I can wait to poas until I miss two afs or something like that, since if I made it that far I would actually be farther along than I have ever been (my longest pg was about 7.5 weeks). I'm not sure I could really hold out that long, but it's a very tempting thought. What exactly can the dr. do anyway at 6wks? They're never going to be able to guarantee that things will work out anyway, so maybe I should just stay away until I have to go in.

I know that this is just a reaction to grief, and I really don't know what I'll do if and when I get pg again, but I am pretty sure it will involve a fair bit of crying.
[/b][/quote]

After I did all of my crying I just considered that a good reaction because crying meant I felt something and in the past I had separated my self to the point that I couldn't even cry. I think the coldness I had in my heart was worse than the pain. I could get past the pain, but it took a while for the cold heart to thaw out.
__________________



visit my blog Rhondas random thoughts
Reply With Quote
  #16  
July 23rd, 2006, 12:21 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
Quote:
I remember once that someone posted that they were happy with the answers that they got because they learned that if the problem occurred that they would always m/c and not carry to term.[/b]
I think that was me, so let me clarify and maybe it will make you feel better. After my second loss and because of its reason, my chances of a successful pg are no worse than before the loss and diagnosis- still at 80% chance of success. But given the diagnosis, IF we have another loss, we'll be 99% sure it was for the same reason. So, while I'm more likely than not to carry to term next time, if I don't, at least I know why.

Hopefully that cleared things up instead of confusing them further!
__________________
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:19 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0