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After even more heartache, we are back to TTC again. It is bittersweet. For me, getting pregnant is easy. (Sorry if that offends anyone, I don't mean to) That is what makes it so hard to decide to try. By trying it literally means a baby or a loss. We have never had a cycle that we tried that I didn't get pregnant. The odds are not in my favor that it will result in a baby. 9 pregnancies, 1 baby. Another thing that makes me ambivalent is that if I ovulate when I should and get pregnant, I will be due right around Valentine's day. That day is the day I lost my first post Marsi baby. It was by far my hardest loss to take. It has tainted that day even more than I didn't like it to begin with. The only good thing that goes for that date is the fact that my mom's and DH's birthday are within the estimated birthing window. Marsi was born 2 days before DH's dad's birthday. It is also DH and I's 8th anniversary in less than a week. Marsi was conceived on DH's birthday. I know that I think too much. I am just trying to think of all of the "good luck" things that can help ease the fear of TTC.