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How do you know when you're ready to ttc after a loss? I've seen lots of us struggling with this question, so thought I'd start a thread to discuss.
After our first loss (4w, natural), doc suggested we wait one cycle, but said it wasn't medically necessary. As the loss was so early, we bounced back quickly and by the time the bleeding stopped, we were ready to ttc again.
After our second loss (6w5d, d&c), doc told us to wait at least one cycle to let my body heal. In the meantime, he sent samples off for testing. Before my first AF, doc had confirmation that we were having chromosomal issues (trisomy 16) and encouraged us to ttc again as soon as we were ready. I struggled with it for quite some time, not sure I was ready emotionally to either be pg again or to lose another one. DH and I talked. A lot. Once first AF came and went, we decided to BD (without any emphasis on potential results, more DTD I guess). After the first time, I realized it wasn't so scary after all and we decided to keep trying. It was scary, especially getting the bfp, but I was wanting it more than I was scared by then. Don't get me wrong, I've been nervous the whole time so far. But, I try to just enjoy each day and revel in each milestone passed. Having so much wonderful support on JM has been the only reason I was able to ttc so soon after two losses.
Each person's story is different, even from loss to loss. I think when you're ready, you'll know. And it's OK to still be scared/nervous.
How about you? How did you know you were ready to ttc? Or are you still wondering if/when you'll be ready again? Or have you decided that NOT ttc is best for you? Tell us your story.
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
My first cycle after stopping BFing my DD I got pg. I had spotting from 4 weeks off and on and at 5.5 wks I m/c naturally. I healed quickly emotionally. I was very disappointed, but I truely felt that the baby would never have been healthy and I was glad that it happened early and also that I had some warning before I really got adjusted to the idea of being pg in the first place.
I didn't want to wait to TTc. Fertility issues before DD made me think this quick pg was a flook. Not so, i got pg again before AF came. I was emotionally distancing myself form the pg until at 6.5wks I saw a heartbeat. I started to believe everything would be OK. We bought my DD a shirt that said, "I'm going to be a BIG SIS" and I was shopping for maternity cloths on the morning of my second u/s at 9 wks. I went alone bc my husband couldn't miss work. What I saw on the screen will never leave my mind. The baby was motionless and there was no heartbeat. The dr didn't have to tell me anything I saw it with my own eyes. I was alone and felt like the world was caving in on me. I was numb with pain. I didn't want to think about babies or pg for the first month. I looked at pg women as if they had the plague. I was that fearful of going through another loss. It is now 6 wks after D&C and I'm envious of pg women again, so that's how I knew I was getting closer to being ready.
I worry too much about what other people will say. I feel like my co-workers will think I am irresponsible for TTC again before I graduate (I'm a Ph.D. student done with my classes, which means I do research in a lab all day until I have enough data to write my disertation and graduate). It is hard to explain how the dynamic in the lab works, but my missing work bc of m/c's does affect the progress of my research, which affects the publications coming out of our lab and therefore the money comming in. I also feel like if I become pg again everyone will just be waiting for me to m/c. I'm still unsure if I've made the right decision.
sorry that was so long, hope I didn't put you to sleep.
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After each loss for about a week I feel so hopeless and scared to TTC but once the clouds part and physically I feel like my old self, TTC is all I'm fixated on. After so many years of infertility and not O'ing, I feel like my dream is within reach and if I tried just one more time...it might actually come true.
I refuse to give up now and have come a long way. It's never been a question of if we will TTC. Although, I will admit that those who know us IRL have been given a different story. We've made it seem like we're not TTC again for some time and acting like it's not a top priority (they may know that we're going through testing but we're not letting on that we're jumping back into TTC). I guess in some twisted way, it's my way of protecting those we love from having to deal with another loss.
DH & I talked about it this week and while we're going through the tests and waiting for the results this month, we're not going to actively TTC but we' not preventing either. Look out next month though!
For us only our immediate families knew we were ttc. When I got my first bfp I was jumping out of my skin. I felt like everything was going to be all right and we went up ahead and told both our immediate families. I had my first blood test done right around 5 wks. The same day that I had my test done, I started to spot that night and continued throughout the entire night. I called the dr. office the next day, they asked me to come in, and the dr. told me that my beta results came back 5, so I experienced a chem pg. I was in tears sobbing while she was telling me this but on the brighter side said that at least we know we could conceive and advised us to wait a month before ttc again. The next month we went on vacation and once again I was pg. I had a very weird feeling from the start and told my DH not to say anything. Well, he opened his mouth and told his family, I didn't say anything to mine. My first beta results came back positive but very low, so I knew what was going to happen. I cried alot but I knew I wasn't only in dealing with this, I knew God was there to comfort me and help me get through this again. The second test results came back positive as well but my hcg levels dropped, the next day AF was there full force and I was in excruciating pain. So far we have taken a 3 month break, this month we did slip and right now I'm just waiting out this week expecting to see AF but not 100% sure. I've gone through a lot of testing recently and now have more answers but also more baffled at it all, it seems so overwhelming. I'm very scared but at the same time I so desperately want to be pg. I see pg women and I'm not envious but more so look at them in the sense of how lucky and blessed they are. I just hope that one day I can look at my big belly and feel blessed too. Sorry so long.
Well, I was pretty much in denial about the whole thing, and talked myself into not trying, not preventing, knowing full well that we would probably conceive within six months or so. I got a bfp on the first cycle. After the initial shock, I was happy, so I guess that means I was probably ready to be pg again, even if I wasn't really ready to actively ttc.