Log In Sign Up

What are your biggest pre-pg fears


Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Pregnant after recurrent loss LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
July 18th, 2006, 06:28 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
I figured since we had no "discussion" happening...I would start it.

My biggest pre-pg fear is that I will get pg & have something be catastrophically wrong with the baby...no even mc...but perhaps something they don't catch until later...so that perhaps I start to believe this time it is okay & then WHAMMO!

I also worry a bit abou tthe crap I will probably get from ignorant people who think we should "give up". I know I can handle it - but I REALLY don't look forward to it. Especially because I won't tell anyone until much later...and hose that will find out earlier would be if I had an mc.....and if I did - I really hate that others might feel free to put in their opinions.

I actually don't overall fear mc'ing agin...I think that is weird. It may be different if I was pg, but right now it almost feels as though I knwo that won't happen (when logically I DON'T knwo that)...and perhaps it is just some denial. It's easy to be in denial right now when pg really isn't on the radar.
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




Reply With Quote
  #2  
July 18th, 2006, 08:19 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,479
I fear another m/c, but if I find out I am p/g again, I will do my best to ignore that fear since the additional stress that it would cause me wouldn't be good for the baby either.

Also, since both of my losses were b/o's, I fear seeing a baby on the u/s. I know that is kind of weird, but I think that if I had another b/o, then I would be able to handle another m/c. I don't know if I could handle it if I did see a baby and then something went wrong.
__________________







10/31/05 (EDD 5/15/06), 4/17/06 (EDD 11/13/06)
Chemical p/g 1/11/08

















Reply With Quote
  #3  
July 18th, 2006, 08:20 PM
srs srs is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
Well, no shocker here, but I guess my biggest fear is another mc. My next one is just being afraid of having to be pg for nine whole months in order to get a take home baby, and then probably the next one is that that's only the beginning! Then we have to worry about our child for the rest of our lives.

I also do have the fear that we will make it much farther into the pg, only to have something go wrong right at the end. I guess statistically there is no reason why this couldn't happen, but I guess it's a bit like having multiple car accidents on the same day or being struck by lightning - yeah, it does happen, but not very often. I hope anyway.
__________________
Sara

Need Breastfeeding Support?





Reply With Quote
  #4  
July 18th, 2006, 09:28 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 2,423
Quote:
Well, no shocker here, but I guess my biggest fear is another mc. My next one is just being afraid of having to be pg for nine whole months in order to get a take home baby, and then probably the next one is that that's only the beginning! Then we have to worry about our child for the rest of our lives.[/b]
This is the main reason I don't want to ttc again. Right now I have two children, one is 17 and the other is a month old. So I'm starting over and I have a new one to worry about the rest of my life. On top of that my 17 year old wants to go into the Marine Corp and hopes to go to Iraq and I couldn't handle losing a child that way after what it takes just to get my babies here in the first place. I am also not made for being pregnant because I actually hate the way I feel physically the entire pregnancy and I don't think my body could handle it again (especially at my age). Of course how am I to know that it wouldn't take another 6m/c's before I would be able to carry another child to term. I don't think I could cope with losing another baby after giving birth to my sweet little one and knowing the love I feel for him. Too much pain.
__________________



visit my blog Rhondas random thoughts
Reply With Quote
  #5  
July 19th, 2006, 08:13 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
This may sound strange...but I'm not afraid of another early m/c...in a twisted way it's all I know! I'm scared of hearing a heartbeat and then going on to have a stillborn later on. I'm also scared of something being wrong with my baby and it was my body that caused it.
__________________
Thank you Claire1977 for my adorable siggy
For the special little one in your life!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
July 19th, 2006, 11:01 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
After two m/c in a row, I'm terrified of getting pg and losing another one. That said, we are providing God the means to bless us yet again. I think if I can make it to second trimester, I'll be able to relax somewhat. I'll still do my best to enjoy the first trimester, but it will be a guarded joy I'm sure. I'm also terrified of getting morning sickness. I didn't have it with DS, but did with both of my angels, so even though it's supposed to be a sign of a strong/healthy pregnancy, that hasn't been my experience and I'm scared of it now.

I'm really not afraid of getting a baby that's not "perfect". I was before the losses, but now I know that I can handle it and it's OK.

ETA: I just thought of another thing that scares me about being pg - joining a DDC! I was a co-host of the Jan DDC when I lost John. I'm not sure I can bring myself to participate in one again. At least not until after the first trimester, but I'll probably just let you wonderful ladies be my ddc, should the need arise.
__________________
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
Reply With Quote
  #7  
July 19th, 2006, 05:30 PM
srs srs is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
Quote:
I just thought of another thing that scares me about being pg - joining a DDC![/b]
At this point if it doesn't have loss in the title, then I don't go there. I can't handle everyone else and I'm sure they can't handle me.
__________________
Sara

Need Breastfeeding Support?





Reply With Quote
  #8  
July 20th, 2006, 05:36 PM
lizard's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,479
Joining a DDC scares me too. Even if I did, I would still feel like an outsider. They are just too carefree and don't have a worry about their p/g other than their m/s. I would be afraid to give advice, because I live in the reality of what could happen and they (for the most part) don't worry about m/c. So, even if I were to be p/g again, I don't think that they could handle me.
__________________







10/31/05 (EDD 5/15/06), 4/17/06 (EDD 11/13/06)
Chemical p/g 1/11/08

















Reply With Quote
  #9  
July 20th, 2006, 08:57 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 12,330
Quote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE
Quote:
I just thought of another thing that scares me about being pg - joining a DDC![/b]
At this point if it doesn't have loss in the title, then I don't go there. I can't handle everyone else and I'm sure they can't handle me.
[/b][/quote]

Same here - I tried even pg after loss - and I thought after 1 mc - most of those women were still pretty upbeat & when I would post about fears...I often didn't feel really understood...like people tried to "talk me out of being a downer" almost. I don't blame them or think them unkind - I think I was just in a different place emotionally than many of htem were. I think I will stay here on pg after recurrent loss & I know I won't be active in a DDC - not sure if I'll even pop in. I guess anything could happen - maybe if I were further along in the pg so I could meet some women before they become a playgroup. I really don't know.
__________________
B - Crazy momma to my two boys
We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it. ~Sigmund Freud
My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon
Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy. ~Author Unknown
You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes. ~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest. ~Irish Proverb
Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. ~Erich Fromm
Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. - Harold Hulbert
Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts of little children. ~William Makepeace Thackeray
God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers. ~Jewish Proverb
The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet




Reply With Quote
  #10  
July 21st, 2006, 07:57 AM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
Beckie, I agree 100%.
__________________
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
Reply With Quote
  #11  
July 21st, 2006, 06:44 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 2,423
I was a very avid "lurker" for quite a while before I even joined JM. I thought it would just intensify my grief to join a DDC and then to lose my baby. What I found to be depressing was to see all the women who had joined and then left due to loss. I knew how much they were hurting. They would post an announcement telling everyone they would be leaving and get a lot of "sorry for your loss" and "sorry to see you go" and "good luck ttc again" comments but I knew that no matter what was said it never helped ease any of the pain. Every time a woman dropped out of the July DDC I literally cried. Maybe it was out of grief for them or maybe it was out of grief for myself. After all, I COULD BE NEXT. I didn't want to be one of them, so I just lurked.

I finally joined a DDC, then had to join a different playroom because my DS was born in June, and during my pg I was active in the pg after loss board but have since quit posting there. But by far I feel most welcome here.
__________________



visit my blog Rhondas random thoughts
Reply With Quote
  #12  
July 22nd, 2006, 11:32 AM
srs srs is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
Quote:
Every time a woman dropped out of the July DDC I literally cried.[/b]

That's what worries me too, if I could ever get past the oh-so-carefree attitudes (which I've decided I really can't). It's not even so much for me, but that I know the statistics, and 1 in 5 of those ladies will leave, and even if it's not me, I can't handle their pain in that context, or that I'm sure everyone else just picks up and moves on and thinks "well, it wasn't me."

Sorry if that last comment sounds too bitter, but one thing I'm very tired of is how other people try to put up defense mechanisms to distance themselves from mc, like if they can come up with a good enough reason then they won't mc. I'm thinking about all those comments like, "well, I have lots of m/s so this must be a strong pg" or "I only had brown blood. It's only bad if it's red blood and clots.", or my personal favorite, "it just feels like a strong pg". I know it's only out of fear for themselves that people say things like that, but I've found those comments really hurtful, because they don't think about how it sounds to the women who do go on to mc. The fact of the matter is that early on, no one knows who will mc and who will not. For me, it was not my fault that I had two mcs, I didn't do anything wrong, God was not punishing me, and I did have tons of m/s with the last pg, and everything was going great, and I still lost the baby.

Anyway, I suppose that was a long rant about why I will not be joining a DDC.
__________________
Sara

Need Breastfeeding Support?





Reply With Quote
  #13  
July 26th, 2006, 12:10 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
I tried to join a DDC this last time and I just couldn't do it. I was in there and felt like a huge outsider. Everybody was was naive and posting incorrect advice or ignoring those with legit concerns and replied more so to the posts regarding food cravings or nursery themes. (Please don't take offense. There's nothing wrong with chating about those things and they can help to pass the time, but when someone expresses a concern they should be addressed and given something more than "I'm sorry you feel that way, but it will be fine.")

I remember expressing a concern for low Hcg levels and was told that if I wasn't spotting or cramping I was fine! Another woman was spotting and they told her to ignore it since it was old brown blood and she was fine. Another person tired to console somebody by saying that if you were to m/c your body would know what to do and somebody was brave enough to say that there is such a thing as a missed m/c and she was shocked to hear that could happen!

Where am I going with this...DDC can be great. I was apart of the December 06 and they were an awesome group of women since the majority of them had experienced pg loss and were extremly sensitive, and there are other DDC's that aren't so warm and accepting. It's really difficult when everybody in a DDC has never experienced a loss and go on to have multiple pregnancies with no concerns.

I don't know what I'll do next time. I guess it depends on the DDC, but I know that I feel the most comfortable here.
__________________
Thank you Claire1977 for my adorable siggy
For the special little one in your life!
Reply With Quote
  #14  
July 26th, 2006, 01:16 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
If I get the urge to join a DDC, I think I'll lurk for a while, for exactly the reasons you mentioned Nicole. To see how many have had losses, etc.
__________________
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
Reply With Quote
  #15  
July 26th, 2006, 01:24 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 18,680
I love how you put that..."If I get the urge to join a DDC."
__________________
Thank you Claire1977 for my adorable siggy
For the special little one in your life!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
July 26th, 2006, 01:43 PM
4iris's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,732
I honestly plan to make you guys my DDC if and when I'm blessed again. I know you'll all understand!
__________________
Do not sorrow; the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10
Reply With Quote
  #17  
July 26th, 2006, 09:08 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Colorado
Posts: 2,423
Quote:
If I get the urge to join a DDC, I think I'll lurk for a while, for exactly the reasons you mentioned Nicole. To see how many have had losses, etc.[/b]
I lurked for 4 months! There were a few in my DDC that had losses but I was most upset about the ones that were leaving and not the ones who were staying.

I was put off by the fact that they post some of the most trivial things while they trivialize the important things. There is quite a bit of immaturity and naivete involved in the DDC's and maybe it's because of age or just experience. Having a loss tends to make you wise beyond your years in all areas.
__________________



visit my blog Rhondas random thoughts
Reply With Quote
  #18  
July 28th, 2006, 07:23 PM
srs srs is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
Quote:
I was put off by the fact that they post some of the most trivial things while they trivialize the important things. There is quite a bit of immaturity and naivete involved in the DDC's and maybe it's because of age or just experience. Having a loss tends to make you wise beyond your years in all areas.[/b]
That's why I can't handle anything that doesn't say loss. It really changes your world, and there's no going back for me. I do admire the ladies who can handle it after mc, but I'm not one of them.

There's also the issue of which # child you are trying to conceive. At this point, if I ttc it will be for #3 in my heart, even though I have no living children. I don't think most people get that before they have a mc. They would tell me that I am ttcing #1. I would argue that #1 and #2 were conceived, they just didn't make it too far after that.

Anyhow, that's not a topic that would even come up on those boards, which is another reason I avoid them. I could care less about what color you're going to paint the nursery at 6wks pg. So I'm best off not even going there.
__________________
Sara

Need Breastfeeding Support?





Reply With Quote
  #19  
July 31st, 2006, 04:17 AM
Rina42308's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 2,991
Quote:
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE
Quote:
I just thought of another thing that scares me about being pg - joining a DDC![/b]
At this point if it doesn't have loss in the title, then I don't go there. I can't handle everyone else and I'm sure they can't handle me.
[/b][/quote]

I'm with you on this Sara...I don't think I will join a DDC if/when i get pg again.

I am scared of another m/c...as all of you are. I am so scared that after a 2nd surgery i will still nto be able to carry to term. I am scared of not ever knowing what it's like to have a biological child in my arms.
I am scared of being scared during my whole pg. I am scared of all the "scares" I will encounter (ie spotting, twiches and pains).

I guess I am just plain scared....of everything.
__________________
Mommy to miracle baby 4/23/08 and four babies in heaven:lost 3/22/05 edd 10/28/05, lost 5/25/05 edd 12/26/05, lost 1/31/06 edd 9/19/06

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." -Margaret Mead
Reply With Quote
  #20  
July 31st, 2006, 08:25 PM
srs srs is offline
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,421
Quote:
I am scared of all the "scares" I will encounter (ie spotting, twiches and pains).[/b]
I'm really scared about that too. One week is a long time, let alone nine months.
__________________
Sara

Need Breastfeeding Support?





Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:13 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0