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DH doesn't think I should be on these sites right now because they are so depressing. What can be more depressing that carrying your dead baby around waiting to miscarry or waiting the two weeks for your scheduled D&C. The dreams (actually nightmares) where you pass a baby in pieces? The fear of going anywhere alone because you never know when it might happen?
I feel lke my world has fallen apart or is falling apart and nobody understand. DH is good but there is only so much he can understand. This was supposed to be a happy time but now I am in so much emotional pain.
In October 2006, I started to spot. It was a big surprise. I was almost 16 weeks pregnant and didn't think IT could happen to me. I had had three successful pregnancies already. When the spotting got worse and there was pain in my back, I went to the ER. Good news, my cervix was still closed and there was just a bit of blood but they didn't know what was causing it. . It was a small hospital with no US facilities and they didn't even have a doppler to check for the HB. The next day was Friday the 13th. I went to the city hos[ital for a US to be sure. I was feeling pretty optimistic but then we had the US and the baby was curled up and had no HB.. I just couldn't believe it. I can still see that picture. The on-call OB checked and I still hadn't started to dilate so they wanted me to call in on Monday and schedule a D&C since I was so far along and things weren't going to happen on their own.
We the next day was Saturday and I couldn't stay home so we spent the most of the day driving around. The back pain kept getting worse. That night while DH was putting the kids in bed, I realized that the pains were occurring regularly. I was in labour! I went upstairs to get a load of laundry and my water brokee. Luckily, I had enough sense to come downstairs to the bathroom so I wasn't near the kids bedroom. Sat on the toilet and felt the need to push. Out came my baby.