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Boy this is going to be a toughie trying to recap the past 8 months, but here goes...
November 11, 2005
DH & I finally decided that we would make love after having held out since getting our BFP. I went to the bathroom right after, wiped & saw really light red blood. I freaked out! DH reminded me that our OB had said this may occur & to not have sex again for 7 days. So, I got dressed & went to work. I got to work, went to the bathroom again at about 8:30am & was still spotting red so I called my OB & he said for me to come in, get papers to have an u/s & blood work, then go home & rest w/ my feet up.
So, I went directly to the OBs office, got my paperwork & went to get blood drawn. OUCH! I came out looking like I had been shooting up for about a week! After that, DH met me at the hospital for the u/s. We got there, went in & the tech asked why we were there. We told her & she asked, “Are you sure?” HELLO!!!! Yes, we were very sure. She said that normally the OB faxes over paperwork but she had none. So, we had an abdominal u/s & nothing so she went in for the transvaginal. We didn’t know what the heck was on the screen but as it turned out, there was our baby & his h/b. She didn’t even bother to tell us. We had to hear it from the OB later that afternoon! So, I was ordered on bedrest.
I woke up this morning & rolled over to tell my husband that I no longer “felt” pregnant. My boobs weren’t sore & I just had a gut feeling that something wasn’t going to go right.
November 14, 2005
Still spotting! I also went back for another round of blood. OUCH AGAIN! I thought I looked bad on Friday! Shortly after we got a call from the OBs office saying that my HCG levels were good from Friday but that my progesterone was VERY low, 5.9. OBs nurse called in progesterone suppositories. DH went to pick them up. That was no fun!
November 15, 2005
Got a call from the OBs. My HCG had doubled in about 72 hours. My OB was happy w/ the results but was going to send me for another u/s on Thursday since I was still spotting. Fine w/ me! I still wasn’t feeling great about the pregnancy. I was worried that at the u/s we would no longer see a h/b.
November 17, 2005
The beginning of the end…
I went for more blood work & by this time was making sure to cover my arms b/c I had about 6 bruises that were just nasty! After that, I went home & DH got off of work early so that we could go to the 2nd u/s together at 2pm. We went, I filled my bladder & then we got called in. This time DH was prepared & had done some internet research on what to look for when the u/s tech was doing her job. We were taken back by 1 tech & while we were waiting for the room, the tech went to the office. As we were sitting there, another tech came & got us. I was confused! Apparently since it was our 2nd one in a week, they sent a very qualified tech to do the job. So, as she started, DH was taking notes. She turned, told him & I that she was going to talk to us & that he needed to stop. He asked her some questions & she sternly told him, “Listen, I can lose my job for doing this so I just need you to be quiet & listen to what I have to say.” I knew then it couldn’t be good.
She went on to tell us that the gestational sac was very small & that our baby was still measuring 6w5d, what it measured a week ago BUT that the little bean had a strong h/b. We were astonished! We didn’t expect to be able to hear it! There it was, the most beautiful sound I ever heard. We held hands, crying. Then she brought us back to reality. She said that she rarely saw this situation correct itself & that most ended in m/c. I just didn’t want to hear that! I also had to pee really bad so as I went to the bathroom, the tech printed a picture of our baby, handed it to my DH & said that she wanted us to at least have something to remember this moment just in case. Talk about foreshadowing! We went home happy & called our parents to tell them the news.
Well, later that evening, about 8pm, I had some weird cramps, not like any I had before. I thought if I went to bed, they would just go away. Wish that was true. At about midnight I woke up w/ excruciating pains/cramps. I tried once again to go back to sleep but I knew what was happening. I finally had to go to the bathroom to check if the spotting had gotten worse & it had along w/ the cramping. It was unbearable & I knew then that I was losing the baby. DH was ready to call 911 but I told him to just get me in the car & I could handle it until we got to the ER. I figured out that I was having contractions. I was timing it. They came every 5 minutes & lasted about 2 minutes.
By this time, it was November 18, 2005 at 12:30am & we had arrived at the ER. Thank God no one was in the waiting room. I went to triage & from triage directly into a room since I was bleeding. The dr came in & said he would give me Tylenol until we found out if the baby was still alive but that never happened. Finally, someone came in & said that we were just waiting for the on call u/s tech to show up, find out if the baby was still alive & then I could be treated for pain. In the meantime, they snuck a catheter in me & I was livid, angry & in serious pain!!!
Well, at about 3am, the tech finally shows up. It was the same one as we had in the afternoon! She came in & said she had a feeling it was us & was really sorry. She wheeled me to the u/s room, put water up my catheter & filled my bladder completely. She did the transvaginal again. She found our baby & shook her head & with tears rolling down her face she said, “There isn’t a heartbeat.” DH & started crying. She asked if we wanted to see. I said no but DH looked. Our tech was wonderful. She held my hand & cried w/ us. It was the most horrible moment of my life.
I was wheeled back to my room in the ER & finally given something for the pain, morphine. My God did it make me loopy & out of it. On top of that, the ER dr came in & said I was Rh - & DH was Rh + so I probably had already begun to build an immunity to his blood meaning further complications in future pregnancies. He went ahead & gave me the Rogam shot to counter act anything but said my OB should have given it to me the moment he found out I was spotting. He also said my OB would be coming in. For that I was thankful. At that time I also requested that the catheter be taken out. About an hour later, the u/s tech came in to see how I was & I told her that the catheter was still in. She couldn’t believe it. It was suppose to be removed immediately after I got back from the u/s. She called the nurse & it was taken out.
My OB showed up around 5:30am & we discussed my options. Well, I didn’t really discuss much since I was out of it. I had already told DH that I wanted to go through w/ the D&C before they gave me the morphine so that is what we decided. My OB said he was going to get the staff ready & bump another OB out of the way & that he was always late anyway. Right after he left, I had to go pee. I asked the nurse if I could go & she said “Yep, its across the hall.” HELLO!!!!! I couldn’t walk, much less stand up on my own b/c of the morphine. DH helped me & as I was going, I started to pass large clots but I didn’t know that so DH found my OB (who was *itching out the ER staff for their in competency) & he came running to see if I had passed the baby. Then he asked where the nurse was & DH told him that she left & didn’t help me to the bathroom. Boy was my OB pi$$ed off! At the time, I was unaware of all the griping my OB was doing but was later thankful that he was watching out for my like he was!
By this time, I told DH to call my mom b/c I wanted her to know. Wouldn’t you know it, as soon as he left, they were ready to start prepping me for the OR! He came in just in time & told me my parents were on the way. It was all so surreal. I just couldn’t believe this was happening to me!
By 7am, I was prepped & going into the OR. Just as DH was walking away, I started to cry hard. I had to give him my wedding ring & I knew that when I came out, I would no longer have Onesie inside me. Just as we were walking through the doors & felt the most alone I had ever felt, I turned & saw my father’s face.
I barely remember entering the OR. I don’t remember coming out, only being in recovery & immediately asking for my DH & my parents. I was crying & couldn’t believe that I was no longer carrying our child. We went home shortly after. I slept the rest of that day & most of the weekend. I didn’t want to deal w/ anyone.