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~*~*BabyBird's Angel Journal*~*~


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  #1  
April 10th, 2007, 01:29 PM
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4/10/2007
Today is exactly one week since my D&C. DH and I will be TTC again after 2 cycles. Here is my angel's story: I went for my first appointment and u/s on March 15th. I was 8 weeks. The moment was surreal. All I remember is seeing that empty black hole. DH didn't know what he was looking at and didn't know what was going on until I started to cry. The gestational sac measured only 5 1/2 weeks and the baby was too small to see. I just knew it was the end. They wanted to see me again in 2 weeks because by then there should be some growth and if not, we would know for sure. I spent the next 2 weeks dreading the outcome but still hoping for a miracle. It was torture! I actually felt calm the day of my u/s, I just wanted to know. I took a deep breath and layed down on the u/s table and there it was again...the empty black hole. This time we saw the tiniest yolk sac but it was still way too small to be at 10 weeks where it should be. No movement and no HB. I was scheduled for a D&C. I did not want to m/c on my own and have it drag out for weeks. I wanted some control in something that I had no control over. It has been one week and I miss my baby like I never thought I would. How can I miss someone I never met? The fact is that I DID meet my baby. I felt my uterus stretching to make room, I felt the nausea when my baby didn't like me eating chocolate, and I felt the love grow as the weeks went on. I made plans and had dreams for this baby that I will never get to see fulfilled. I know we will have our miracle baby soon but I will miss my angel baby forever.
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  #2  
April 11th, 2007, 07:59 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby yesterday (4/10/07) Natural miscarriage was awful, you were right to have a D&C. I was in pain and bled for 6 days and in the end the docter had to manually remove the gestational sac from my cervix as it got stuck. I was only 7 weeks, but my baby was real. He had a heartbeat just the week before. I don't know if we will try again because the experience was so traumatizing and I am 41 with two beautiful children 17, 15. I will pray for you that you succeed and have a healthy beautiful baby soon.
Roxanne
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  #3  
April 18th, 2007, 01:14 PM
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4/18/07
It has been 2 weeks since the D&C and I am doing much better emotionally. I pretty much healed from the D&C quickly and had very little pain. I stopped bleeding (which was mainly spotting anyway) about a week ago. I am just waiting for my first AF which should be in a couple of weeks. After that first AF, DH and I are not going to prevent but not technically try. I don't think I can wait a second cycle to try so maybe not preventing will make me feel better by letting me think it is a possibility but not be obsessed with trying so much. I know I will be aware of when I might ovulate so it may be hard not to "try". I just want to be pregnant again! I hope it happens as easily as it did the first time but without the complications!
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  #4  
June 8th, 2007, 04:40 AM
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June 8th

I can't believe this is happening again. I got my first AF since the D&C on May 5th and got my BFP on Saturday, June 2. I had labs drawn on Monday, progesterone was good at 19.9 and HCG was 53. Wednesday it was only 55. It was supposed to double in two days and it only went up 2. I took a FRER yesterday and it came up quickly and was dark and today it is barely there. I am pretty sure I have lost this one too. I am so heartbroken and afraid I will never be able to carry a child to term. I am going to call my OB as soon as the office opens today.
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  #5  
June 19th, 2007, 03:29 PM
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Tuesday June 19th

Well last Monday I had my labs drawn again but before I even left the house I had started bleeding some. My HCG ended up being 11. I came home and started cramping horribly and tried to lay down and sleep some. It was almost unbearable. I called my poor mom crying in pain and felt awful later becuase I know I made her feel helpless but I just needed to talk to my mommy. Before I found out that my HCG was only 11 for some reason I couldn't even convince myself to take my pain medicine because "what if everything is ok" HELLO! I was bleeding like crazy and cramping like I have never cramped in my life. Part of me was still in denial until I got the call and found out it was down to 11. I took some pain medicine and started to feel better. Tuesday was better but still pretty painful and I think that is the day I saw what I think was the sac. Just a small round glob about the size of a raisin that looked kind of jelly-like. The rest of the week was just like a period and stopped pretty much yesterday. I get kind of numb when I think about it and feel like I really haven't mourned this one yet. I think I am still in shock that it happened again. I thought the first time it could never happen to me so you would think I learned my lesson and wouldn't have been so naiive this time. But no I though for sure it couldn't happen twice!! Now I don't know what to think. I have an appt with my OB on Wednesday and hopefully she will have some answers or do some testing and see what keeps happening. I just hope there isn't something terribly wrong with me and never being able to carry a child to term. I will update after my appt on Wed.
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  #6  
June 21st, 2007, 10:39 AM
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Thursday June 21st
Yesterdays appointment went well. She agreed to do some testing so Brian and I both got labs drawn for chromosomes. I also got TSH, some autoimmune things and a clotting thing tested. She also did my HCG again to make sure it goes all the way down. I checked them today and my HCG is <2 and TSH is 1.7, which is normal. I feel better that we are doing something so that we can either find out what is wrong and treat it or find out that nothing is wrong and I just had two random things happen. She said that since both m/c happened differently it might indicate that it was just two random things that happened. I will be glad to get all the results back to know for sure. I am also going to have an HSG done around CD5 of my next cycle. So lets hope this cycle isn't too long! However I hope I don't O in the next few days because DH and I BD last night and weren't careful so I think I am going to temp the next few days so I know when I O. Then I will know when to expect AF and when it is safe to BD without being careful!
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