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Attention all husbands and bf's, HELP!!


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  #1  
March 8th, 2009, 04:48 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2
Hey everyone,

Let me start off by giving you all a little background. Me and my gf had liked each other for a while but due circumstances we werent able to be together. But finally it happened! And it was a beautiful thing! Perfect relationship!! However, something came up (give you one guess) lol, thats right about 3 weeks after we started dating she got preg. We werent sure what we wanted but we decided to not have it..but when the day came we both backed out (me more then her). 3 and a half months later im going out with a complete stranger!

Ive read the articles, and about the hormones and we've talked but honestly i dnt know how much more i can take. She has become the coldest person ive ever known! I say i love you, she wont say it back. If i dnt call/txt her i wont hear from her. No hug, no kiss, no sex (least of concerns) in over 2.5 months. And i dnt mean to toot my own horn but ive done EVERYTHING you can imagine to better the situation even her mom and bestfriend say so.

I really love her but this is border line abuse. i get down from the constant rejection and lack of affection! And i try to give her the benefit of the doubt. Yes shes had a lot of morning sickness, shes down, doesnt like going out. Basically a complete different person.

My question i guess is will things get back to normal? I know it happens, how have you guys delt with it?

Sry for such a long post but its been eating me up! Sometimes i question if this is a test, a blessing or a disaster!! God this experience has been horrible!
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  #2  
March 8th, 2009, 06:20 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 5
That sounds like a tough situation. I haven't dealt with this myself, though we are only 9 weeks along at this point. Sorry, I don't have any real input for you. Just wanted to say I feel for you. I hope someone here has some experience with this to help you out. Hang in there.
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  #3  
March 8th, 2009, 11:49 AM
sarah*'s Avatar Loving My Piglets
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: England, UK
Posts: 33,800
Sorry you are going through that.

But as you mentiond she is going through all sorts with hormones and it DOES get better. when i was pregnant with my second child rhianna, my poor DF was probably feeling the same way as you, i didnt like him touching me, talking to me, and everything he did TICKED me off even if before it didnt, i thought about leaving him, but a few months after my baby was born everything went back to normal, after my hormones settled back down.

I know she isnt showing it but she needs you more than ever right now, and there is only another 6 months to go!! you both got yourself into the situation its not just her fault so i say hang on!! see how it is AFTER the baby is born then decide what you want to do.
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Sarah (27) married to Stuart (31)
together for 10.5 years married for 4.5 years.
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Ryleigh (8yrs - April 24th 2006)
Rhianna (7yrs - June 7th 2007)
Lacey (6yrs - June 5th 2008)
Lucas (4yrs - April 26th 2010)
Connor (1yrs - February 15th 2013)

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  #4  
March 8th, 2009, 02:24 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 2
*sigh* sarah your my light at the end of tunnel!! Lol. Yup thats her no touch, if i call or txt too much there comes the attitude! Its just soo hard going from that explosion of emotions we both had at the beginning to nothing! And quite honestly i believe in some weird hormonal way shes mad at/blames me. Shes the type of person that plans everything and this obviously was not planned! And honestly this preg seems to have started a chain reaction of bad events! Shes had horrible nausea, she got laid off, there were complications at first, i mean it goes on and on.

But this has been so decieving. I was looking forward to all the things men complain about, weird cravings in the mddle of the morning, foot rubs ect. And its like she doesnt even want me around. I know its crazy but as soon as we started our relationship i said to myself shes the one! and she felt the same way... now i wonder if were going to make it through this..

But thnk you soo much sarah you've given me hope! Thanks a million
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  #5  
March 8th, 2009, 02:58 PM
sarah*'s Avatar Loving My Piglets
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: England, UK
Posts: 33,800
its ok im glad i have helped.

Stuart was not happy and i was not happy we were both at the end of our ropes!! i think we were both ready to end it, but we gritted our teeth and got through (that was the planned pregnancy) our youngest daughter is 9 months now she was unplanned (got pregnant three months after rhianna) he must of been thinking EH OH NOT AGAIN!! but that pregnancy went soo smoothly and well and it didnt happen again *phew* we have moved on from there and are getting married in september we dont even think about what happened as we no it was pregnancy hormones and it wasnt the real *me* she will soon be back to her happy self and you can both live happily with your new bundle
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Sarah (27) married to Stuart (31)
together for 10.5 years married for 4.5 years.
mummy too....
Ryleigh (8yrs - April 24th 2006)
Rhianna (7yrs - June 7th 2007)
Lacey (6yrs - June 5th 2008)
Lucas (4yrs - April 26th 2010)
Connor (1yrs - February 15th 2013)

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  #6  
April 19th, 2009, 09:31 PM
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Belton, MO
Posts: 43
Keep in mind every woman's pregnancy is different, but in my wife's case the first three months were the hardest. Mostly because of the frequent volatile bathroom trips and other wonderful changes that pregnancy brings. The second trimester is where she got to enjoy being pregnant.

I think part of the problem was the self image adjustment, and all the new thoughts and worries that she started to think about. She was always thinking about how she would do as a mother, and the things that he would need, and then she would get excited about shopping for baby stuff and watching him hit the growing milestones. Then she would start thinking about worrysome thoughts, like miscarriages, birth defects, money issues, kidnappings, etc... New mommies, have a lot of things going through their heads. It's no wonder they keep having mood swings.

It doesn't help that men and women don't communicate very well to begin with. Now when they try to explain something it doesn't come out right, and we respond wrong, and the hormones kick in, and we get to be the bad guy for a little bit. But... It's all worth it in the end. You just have to be patient and not take anything personally. It's hard, but you just have to remind yourself that she doesn't mean it, when she hurts you.

Also, if you think that she blames you for the whole situation, because it was unplanned; try to let her vent about it, and just take everything she dishes out. Then she will be able to move on, and you two can go into the next phase of the pregnancy. I hope this helped a little. Hang in there, bud.
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  #7  
April 20th, 2009, 06:02 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: cny
Posts: 3,230
*raises hand, shaking head over here*

I hope you don't mind my jumping in here... My name is Tami 36, Wife to Glenn 35, Mother to Corina ( Cori ) 14 step mom to Sydney almost 5... With Trisha Lynn due 23 jun 09 if we make it... ( PLEASE PLEASE )

Yes the 1 st trimester is really hard like air assault said... ( actually everything that he said is pretty much bullsey) I had a really good advantage tho... I was watching the mood swings & my daughter & i figured it out my hardest time was "THAT TIME OF THE MONTH"

We not only have to deal with the hormon's but we have to deal with PMS ( YES WE STILL GET IT) & we can't just "take a pill " you know...

Some advise tho.. don't put her down & call her names... My hubby is like that & i hate it... He honestly thinks it's OK for him to be in a bad mood but not OK if i am.... But he is working on it... Please don't get me wrong..

By the 2nd trimester I'm the happiest girl alive.... I've kept myself in this little bubble of mine.. I have joined the july boards here... WHICH BY THE WAY very much encurage your GF to join.. IT HAS HELPED i did a BIG turn around once i joined for a couple reasons...

1) i have no friends.. yes i have people i concider friends but noone to just hang out with

2) these ladie's are going threw what she is ( sorry guys you aren't ) It feels so good to talk to other prego people.. to see there experence, knowing ok what i'm feeling is NORMAL etc.. I'm sure my hubby is SO sick & tired of hearing about this website... But i look at it as a saving ground for him... for i'm not B*itching & complaining any more you know...

3) he sees this...& he has gotten it to where when i do complain to him about something it is REAL & not just something else "bothering me " you know...

The only thing else is with this pregnacy things that bothered me before are AMPLAFLY (sp) but 100% & somethings that didn't bother me before are now...

She will expect you to be home more so beware of that... ENCLUDE her.. it helps... We feel left out now... Cause we can't drink or party or go out like we used to... Hang in there it gets better .... JM all the way!!!
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  #8  
June 7th, 2009, 12:43 AM
KBeans's Avatar Believe in your body
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Vegas (born and raised in south Jersey)
Posts: 11,943
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Sorry to butt in all late, but mom has to watch her mood swings too. Like Tami did, watching when or what triggered it. Just because a woman is pregnant, that doesn't give her the right to just act ridiculous. And this is coming from someone whose been pregnant 3 times and all in the past 5 years.
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  #10  
June 30th, 2009, 03:46 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: cny
Posts: 3,230
High everyone,,, Dad_i_am... i hope everything is going well!!!... UPDATE PLEASE

I am please to introduce to you all Trisha Lynn...She was born 16 jun 09 @ 12:34 ,,is is 37.5 weeks old... She was born 4.1 pounds & we both came home together that friday... By Monday she was up to 4.8 pounds

- My hubby Glenn & i With Trisha

-Trisha 29 jun 09
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  #12  
July 1st, 2009, 04:27 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: cny
Posts: 3,230
Thank you Daddyx2.... I couldn't be more proud of my hubby... he did awsome & continues to do great.....

Life couldn't get better
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  #13  
July 1st, 2009, 04:21 PM
TheHusband's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Clarksville, TN
Posts: 133
Congratulations! you made a baby AND a daddy!
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