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Question for dads about childbirth....


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  #1  
February 7th, 2006, 11:52 AM
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I think i need a guy's perspective here..... I'm expecting our first baby in April. DH and I have been going to birth classes and really i think he's more scared of labor than i am - he's really stressed out about it. This is his first child and i'm asking what would be the best advice you could give him about dealing with his fears? What was it like for you in the delivery room? What do you wish you'd known? What advice would you give to a new father?

He wants to be there for the baby but I want it to be the best experience possible for both of us, i'd like him to feel a bit less stressed about it. Thank you for your help!
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  #2  
February 7th, 2006, 02:19 PM
Hubby2Ali's Avatar Regular
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I'd say the best thing I knew was to not think about it too much. You can rehearse too much and have too much running through your mind when it would be best to not think all that much about what's really happening, but, instead, enjoy the moment. It is the miracle of child birth afterall.
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  #3  
February 7th, 2006, 08:53 PM
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First, congratulations!

My first child is now 31 — YIKES! And my youngest is 25. But I was in the delivery room with all three doing my part. (And 4 years ago, my wife and I were in the delivery room helping another couple through the birthing process.)

During labor with our first child. . .well, that's when I got spiritual. There's just no denying there's a Supreme Being when you see your child born.

Two things come to mind:

1) Childbirth is nothing compared to raising a teenager. DH should save his fear for 15 years later just kidding of course.

2) In the throws of labor, all he needs to remember is to do exactly what you ask, whether that's hold your hand, rub your back, get some ice, punch out the doctor or stand back. This will be the most amazing moment of his life if he allows himself to be there in the moment. It's like all fear — it robs us of living because we're so worried about living later!

Our first labor took 24 hours. The second was 20 minutes. The third was a scheduled appointment. All were exciting, spiritual, completely new and different experiences. The key is to accept the fear and commit to being present for the child in every available moment.

Good luck. I'm envious.

David
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  #4  
February 8th, 2006, 09:50 AM
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I'm glad you asked this, daffodil. I've been wondering how my DH will handle this. You guys gave good advice! Our first isn't even due until September (maybe late August), but he's already panicking. Mostly, he's concerned that something terrible will happen to me. He assumes that if the baby has made it that far, chances are good that it will enter the world with flying colors. He thinks that this is when things will get most difficult for me. I totally understand, but is there anything I can do to help alleviate his fears? I've given him stats, his dad will most likely be there (was a doc, worked with babies), and so on. I know that there are no guarantees, but what can calm him down a little for the next few months?

Sorry this is sort of threadjacking, but it's most definitely along the same lines. Hope you don't mind, daffodil! I'm sort of glad that there's another husband freaking out!
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  #5  
February 8th, 2006, 10:39 AM
maximize's Avatar Regular
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Quote:
You guys gave good advice! Our first isn't even due until September (maybe late August), but he's already panicking. Mostly, he's concerned that something terrible will happen to me. He assumes that if the baby has made it that far, chances are good that it will enter the world with flying colors.[/b]
Hey, it's risky business. Things can go wrong. But very rarely these days.

But if there's no indication that it's probable something will go wrong, encourage him to think about the joy. So many people worry about the future when we have no control over it. Like I said earlier, worry is the biggest thief in our lives. It robs us of serenity, joy, trust, and love. And we totally miss the moment. Took me many years to learn to relax a little — still a struggle for both my wife and I. But you know, things have ALWAYS — not sometimes — but ALWAYS worked out, even when I thought the results were disastrous.

That's the way the Universe works. No problems, just lessons and blessings.

All will be fine.

dp
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  #6  
February 23rd, 2006, 03:31 PM
LisaLisaBoBisa's Avatar you...don't...want me?O.o
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Quote:
First, congratulations!

My first child is now 31 — YIKES! And my youngest is 25. But I was in the delivery room with all three doing my part. (And 4 years ago, my wife and I were in the delivery room helping another couple through the birthing process.)

During labor with our first child. . .well, that's when I got spiritual. There's just no denying there's a Supreme Being when you see your child born.

Two things come to mind:

1) Childbirth is nothing compared to raising a teenager. DH should save his fear for 15 years later just kidding of course.

2) In the throws of labor, all he needs to remember is to do exactly what you ask, whether that's hold your hand, rub your back, get some ice, punch out the doctor or stand back. This will be the most amazing moment of his life if he allows himself to be there in the moment. It's like all fear — it robs us of living because we're so worried about living later!

Our first labor took 24 hours. The second was 20 minutes. The third was a scheduled appointment. All were exciting, spiritual, completely new and different experiences. The key is to accept the fear and commit to being present for the child in every available moment.

Good luck. I'm envious.

David[/b]

popping in from the oct/sept playroom

David you are so right on #2. When i was in labor all i cared about is wanting something and wanting it now whether it was just sitting by me or holding an ice pack on my head thats all i needed i remember freaking out and being mad at my dh when he had to go pee cause i needed to hold his hand haha


Daffodill tell your hubby not to worry about it too much when the time comes everything uve planned more than likely will go out the window a lot of it will be just him being there for you. You're the one who will be in pain he just needs to be there to try and make u as comfortable as he can and a lot of what he needs to do you'll tell him to do besides him trying to calm you down. Good luck! I hope your labor goes smooth without any complications!
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