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Ok, a friend of DHs that he has known longer than he has known me is now stationed about an hour away. He made rank and wanted to throw a little afternoon get together to celebrate. He made it very clear that I and DH were invited but the kids weren't. He isn't big on kids, but his wife is pregnant. Not planned, she was actually married to someone else and had an affair with him and ended up pregnant, so she got divorced from her husband and they married (long story, apparently she was having lots of affairs but thats beside the point). Anyway, this is an afternoon get together to sit around and play games (trivial pursuit was mentioned). I wasn't sure if I should be bothered by it or not. I can see adult only parties, but I don't know if you'd even call this a party and I didn't like the way he emphasized that the kids weren't welcome. I could of gotten a babysitter but it takes so long to get there I didn't want to be gone all day. Besides, I'm not close to this person and I'd rather spend a day off doing things I like to do. So DH went and I stayed home with the kids. So have you run across this? How did you feel about it? Was it wrong for him to do that, or am I being a little sensitive? I'm not really angry, I just haven't run across it yet and really didn't know how I should feel about it.
Linda, mommy to Nikolas & Andrew, 5 year old twin boys and Ember Rose, almost 3.
It depends on the party... I like ot be able to go to adlt parties once in a while but I also like get to gethers where my kids get to interact wiht others. . . . I would probably be a bit perturbed if it wasn't a party that really warranted no children but realize this will change with this couple when baby arrives.
If it is strictly an adult party. I'd not be affended. But I remember when my nephew L. got married. He had on the invitations no kids. But then wasn't getting any responses of attendance. Oh he and his now wife like kids they had a ds together. But they said the hall where their reception was to be. It didn't cut a cheaper price for kids to eat. So when he wasn't getting hardly anyone who wanted to come to the wedding. He told the hall owner. There isn't going to be much of a wedding if you don't cut me a deal for the kids to eat. Or I might be forced to make other arrangements for our reception. Actually I wasn't the least bit offended they said no kids. I figured weddings are not cheap. So they had to limit the guest list. But my sil. Nephews mother. She was upset that they didn't invite all the 1st cousins. Meaning the kids born years later after some of the older ones became adults.
I would MUCH rather someone tell me when my kids aren't welcome than just make it clear after we arrive by gasping every time they run or jump. There are some times that the kids just aren't welcome-- as long as it isn't meant to be a reflection on your kids in particular or on their behavior, I wouldn't be offended.
I would have done the same thing as you, but for a different reason: a day's worth of babysitting is EXPENSIVE!! And your kids are young-- if they're not really familiar with the sitter, it would have meant a long day for everyone concerned.
So I would have let DH go with my blessings, then settled down after the kids were in bed with a nice glass of wine to watch the Olympics.
WIFE TO PETER
MOM TO BRIAN (6-18-98)
Generally, if my kids aren't welcome, I don't go. I don't really have anything in common with people who don't like kids. If there's an adult party ..... we might consider getting a sitter and going, but in all honesty I think there's a better way to word thing .... "hey, how about an adult night out?" "hey, the adults are getting together for a kiddie free night" I think that sounds so much better than "no kids" or "kids aren't welcome" stuff like that ..... I hate it. I have never in my life told people that they couldn't bring their children to my house. What are these people going to do when the baby comes?
But this is just me. I'm not big on leaving my kids with other people and never have been. I have only in the last couple of years started going to more adult type functions, because Jason & Chase were big enough to stay home alone. Now, I have Liam and where we go and how long we stay is dependent upon Liam's needs and Jason's ability to handle him for a few hours!!!
Yes I would be offended. The only way I wouldnt be offended is if the person hosting had children as well...it was an adult (drinking, dress up) party and their children were not going to be there either.
If it was my dh's friend and not so much mine, I would tell my dh to go and I would stay home with the kids. I don't like taking the kids to friends houses if they themselves don't have kids. That's just way to stress for me!
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My opinion is if you can wing it and it isn't too inonvenient to find a sitter and the party is important/worth it, then go for it. If not, sorta like can't be bothered, don't feel bad in not going.
I can totally understand his POV. IMHO, I really can't take dd anywhere with me to visit people b/c I can't have any peace long enough to carry on a coversation with those that I am visitng. Also I hate when my dd interrupts everyone to talk to me, it is sooo aggrivating when someone is trying to tell you something and dd keeps chiming in. So if the get together is important to me and I want to visit with someone I haven't had a chance to in a long time, I prefer to leave dd with a sitter in the comfort of her own home with her own toys. Usually it's not fun for them anyways, all I would hear is whining, I want to go home, I want this or that.
Originally posted by mom2one@Aug 21 2004, 11:48 PM I can totally understand his POV. IMHO, I really can't take dd anywhere with me to visit people b/c I can't have any peace long enough to carry on a coversation with those that I am visitng. Also I hate when my dd interrupts everyone to talk to me, it is sooo aggrivating when someone is trying to tell you something and dd keeps chiming in. So if the get together is important to me and I want to visit with someone I haven't had a chance to in a long time, I prefer to leave dd with a sitter in the comfort of her own home with her own toys. Usually it's not fun for them anyways, all I would hear is whining, I want to go home, I want this or that.
ITA . I know the feeling of being somewhere and not being able to enjoy myself because of the children. My oldest two are fine, they can find (nondestructive) ways to entertain themselves. My little ones (3 and 2) don't quite have that capacity yet. It's not that they are intentionally bad or rude, but they are little. And I would hate to feel responsible for them accidentally breaking something or getting on other people's nerves. And staying on top of them to make sure they don't touch something they aren't supposed to is something that I could just as easily sit at home and do.
There could be several reasons that they don't want kids there, not necessarily that they just don't like kids. Do they have a dog that has never been exposed to children and could possibly bite one of the kids? A pool that they are afraid the children would fall into? Parents need to be responsible for their children, but accidents can still happen, especially if there are a lot of kids there. (I can't tell by reading your post if you and your dh were the only couple invited.) Maybe they have a lot of "pretties" sitting on shelves that would make having a party not worth it if they had to remove every one of them from reach. Maybe they are inviting another couple that DOES have obnoxious little curtain climbers and they don't want to play favorites, so they want NO children there.
Try not to let if offend you, but if the fact is that they just don't want kids around, maybe it's better to find people to hang out with that you have more in common with. JMO.
I think Alice is dead on too: I would rather be told my kids weren't "wanted" there BEFORE we got there.