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The strict mom??


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  #1  
August 22nd, 2004, 05:06 PM
Alice's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2004
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I just hate when the other moms don't enforce rules that seem to be common sense to me. For example, our next door neighbor (who Julia adores!!) doesn't always have to fasten her seatbelt! Neither does the kid down the block who Brian has gotten very friendly with. In our house it's non-negotiable-- they don't even bring the subject up. (PS- IT'S THE LAW!)


But today the kid next door got on her scooter for the 1st time-- she's almost 6, but never wanted to ride it before. Brian came in complaining that she doesn't have to wear a helmet, so why does he? My kids are among the very few kids on the block that always have helmets on. (Last year I caught Brian with his friends on bikes, but no helmet. I grounded the helmet-- and bike, scooter and skates-- for a week.) Of course, he wasn't getting anywhere with that argument, but here's my question: how do you phrase it so it doesn't sound like a criticism of the other parent?? The response I would like to say is "you have to wear one because I love you too much to let you become a vegetable if you take a bad fall!" or "because I'm not too lazy to enforce the law!". Is there a more tactful response?? (I think I just asked him to nag the neighbor into wearing one so she would be safe. I think he will-- if he has to wear the helmet, at least he'll get some enjoyment out of nagging his friends!)
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  #2  
August 22nd, 2004, 05:30 PM
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I am the strict mom...LOL. We really don't have too many rules around here, but the kids have to wear their helmets, and they have to wear seat belts. It's a given. So, it's now second nature to them. I think you do have to talk to them, and nag them, and remind them alllll the time. Then you just hope and pray that they remember.

I think as far as your son complaining, that's a given. Why would he understand that he has to and she doesn't. kwim? He's too young to really understand why mom is so mean about this. I would tell him that you love him and don't want to get hurt. But mom...I'm not going to fall...lol..I can hear it now.

Do you have bike rodeos there? or a bike safety program? I would take him to it if your community has something like that. Then, he's hearing it from the police, and not just mean mom.
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  #3  
August 22nd, 2004, 06:06 PM
Janelle's Avatar Super Mommy
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I tell Avery that is to be safe. And what I have done in the past is find a police man and have the police man tell him it is the law. Ave listens to the police. He knows that the police man catches the bad guys and is there to help him. (side note. doesnt really help when mommy gets pulled over...he has never said I was a bad guy but I think he wonders lol)
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  #4  
August 22nd, 2004, 10:37 PM
I Heart 4x4
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I had the strict parents growing up ... and we'll be the strict parents raising our kids.

Seat belts aren't negotiable, and honestly, I would call CPS or the county on anyone who doesn't enforce the seatbelt on their minor child. Give me a friggin break!

I hated wearing a helmet when I was younger, but then I started to learn tricks on the rollerblades and skateboard and it became a necessity. Same thing with DH on his bike ... DH has broken about every bone in his body without a doubt, and without wearing a helmet ... heck, he knew at 11 that he had to wear a helmet or risk becoming a rotten vegetable.

I really just don't know what to tell your kids or your neighbors' and their kids. If they're under your supervision, tell them wear it or sit out. That's the law. Mention it to your neighbor too, they may not even know that it's a law and/or that their child isn't wearing it.

HTH! Sorry I'm not much more help ...
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  #5  
August 23rd, 2004, 05:22 AM
zonapellucida
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I don't care if I sound critical to tell you the truth--"If their parents want to bring them to get stitches or worse then fine, that is them--YOU will wear your helmet (or whatever)"
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  #6  
August 23rd, 2004, 05:25 AM
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I am a very easy mom but you have to wear your seat belt. My kids try to avoid wearing the helmet but when I catch them they put it back on. Every house has different rules and sometimes life is not fair. I tell this to my boys all the time and they understand our rules are not everyones rules but if mom is not happy then no one is happy therefore they try to keep me happy by listening. at least that is what I think
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  #7  
August 23rd, 2004, 05:48 AM
YankeeMom
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My kids are also in the minority when it comes to helmets. Luckily, I haven't had the "so and so doesn't have to wear one". My kids are usually the ones pointing out to me how unsafe that is Same with seatbelts, although since we moved back to NY (from AL) most people do have their kids buckled. More than did in AL anyway

I guess I wouldn't worry about being critical of other parents. I mean, it's not like you're saying "so and so's mom is irresponsible and neglectful for not enforcing such and such". I would just keep repeating, it is the law, it keeps you safe, and when all else fails "because I said so!"

Could you check in your area for Bike Safety meetings? They usually have those in the beginning of summer vacations (so no help now) and police & safety inspectors show kids the proper way to use safety equipment and explain it in kids' terms. You could also call your local police dept or even the kids' school and ask about such programs.

Good luck.
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  #8  
August 23rd, 2004, 05:49 AM
Texas Mom
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Not there yet, but will too be a strict mommy...there is really no excuse!!!

I left my gf's house last Sunday and I came across two bikes in the road (mind you, we live in the boonies, but her house is in a subdivision with 3 acre lots) and one little girl bending over in the road with her back to me. I looked up the road and saw a little boy running up the street away from us. I stopped my car and put on my hazards, got out and asked this little girl (maybe 6 years old) if she was okay. She turned around and her entire face and hands were bloody. I had to really keep it in check so I didn't scare her. I asked her if her brother was going to get her mom, she said it was her friend and her mom was out walking with the neighbor. I asked if maybe someone else was at her house, she said no. She gave me her mom's cell phone # and I called it with no success. I can tell you this much, it was the day before school, this poor kid had no doubt broke her nose....her face from chin to forehead was a bloody, scraped up mess and she had broken at least 2 fingers, but inclined to think 3 and all I kept thinking was one...what was this kid doing with no gear on!!!!! How could the mom be this far away and not answer a home or cell number!?! The little boy ran back and said no one was at his house either. I told both of these kids they should know better than to talk to strangers and NEVER to ride with them, but this little girl needed help, I was really torn on what to do? Load `em up and take the risk of someone thinking I kidnapped their kid or stay there and risk something rEALLY being wrong with this poor girl! Thank God a neighbor drove up because they saw the whole accident and knew their parents. He loaded up the kids bikes (my paranoid self made sure I had his number and where he lived!!!) and took the kids to his house (as my paranoid self watched!!!) and I went to drive the subdivision until I found the mother.

Yes, I will be a militant safety gear mom!!!!!!!!!!
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  #9  
August 23rd, 2004, 07:29 PM
mom2one's Avatar Super Mommy
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When it comes to inforcing safety issues (carseat belt, helmets, pads, even shoes to play outside in)...when I get the ever popular, who come Mommy, I say b/c it's dangerous! You can hurt and there is no negotiating. DD may fight me (she is only 3 though), I say tough and just put up with the yelling. Eventually she doesn't put up a fight. But she khows the word dangerous (stove is hot = dangerous), so I say like for the carseat, if someone crashes us you'll get really hurt and cry if you don't have a seatbelt. I just lay it out, there is not nice way of explaining safety related issues. But like you, I just say it's not negotiable, b/c it's dangerous and that's that.

Can't say if this works with 8 year olds though! I'm not there yet!
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  #10  
August 24th, 2004, 05:51 AM
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One day during my commute, I saw a dead bicyclist by the side of the road being covered up by the EMTs. And, one of my friends in high school got a nice long stay in the hospital while her head was sewed up, her jaw wired, and all kinds of plastic surgery from a bike accident. Bicycle helmets do save lives.

As for being the 'strict mom', I can relate. I hated telling my son 'no' all the time when all the other kids were doing things I was not comfortable with.

In this instance, I would go online or contact the local hospitals and see if they have information packets with colorings sheets about bicycle helmet safety. Get enough for all the neighborhood kids and hand them out in their trick or treat bags this year.

Good luck, my fellow 'mean' mom!
Nik
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  #11  
August 24th, 2004, 06:04 AM
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I wont even let my kids sit on there Trikes wiht out a helmet!!
I over heard cass chewin out this girl one day for not putting one on!! I was soo glad to hear that!!
I will be strict about that!! I could save there lives!!
~Kelly
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  #12  
August 24th, 2004, 08:30 AM
Carol
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I'm also the strict mom when it comes to safety issues. My car does not start without all seatbelts being buckled. If a child is with us who informs me that they don't have to wear a seatbelt, I inform them they have 2 choices: buckle up, or not go. Period. Non-negotiable. The same goes with bike helmets. If my kids are on their bikes, they are wearing helmets, knee and elbow guards. If their friends don't, that's their choice. We can't stop what they do on the sidewalk. But if dh takes the kids to the park to ride the bike trails, a kid with no helmet is not allowed to ride along.
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  #13  
August 24th, 2004, 04:40 PM
Alice's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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OK- I agree with what everyone has said: OF COURSE the helmet and seatbelt are non-negotiable. And Brian doesn't even really complain about them-- I think he was just in a whiney mood and hit on that the other day.

But back to the question: is there a way to explain why other parents in the neighborhood let their kids do thing that you refuse to, safety aside?? When Brian's friend Josh called for him 20 minutes ago (and it's DARK out now, by the way!!), Brian was in bed. ( My husband told Josh that Brian would call for him tomorrow at 10am) Brian didn't ask why Josh was allowed out, down the road and across the street so late. And in situations like that, my usual explanation is that different houses have different rules, and this is our rule.

But, boy, wouldn't you like to tell them the truth some day: The other parents seem to be too busy/lazy/uniformed (you pick the verb-- I could list lots of others.) to do their job as parents.

OK- vent over. Thanks.
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MOM TO BRIAN (6-18-98)
JULIA (2-17-00)
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