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THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN
1st baby: You begin wear ing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. __________________________________________________ ____
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper,
a frown-you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails
threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how
to rewind the mechanical swing.
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor,
you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor,
you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour,
whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours,
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics,
Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket
and the dry cleaner.
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter,
you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitte r to call
only if she sees blood.
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day
just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day
hiding from the children.
Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin,
you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin,
you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!