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Pregnancy humor


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  #1  
January 15th, 2008, 12:17 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: New York
Posts: 8,889
Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children is enough.

Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.

Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?

Q. What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him.

Q. How long is the average woman in labor?
A. Whatever she says, divided by two.

Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q. What does it mean when the baby's head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

Q. Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A. Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.

Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A. It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q. What are the terrible twos?
A. Your breasts after baby stops nursing cold turkey.

Q. What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A. When you see teeth marks.

Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
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  #2  
January 15th, 2008, 05:03 PM
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lol. that's awesome.
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  #3  
January 15th, 2008, 05:43 PM
Momma2My Lil Js's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's great!
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  #4  
January 18th, 2008, 06:43 PM
Dan's wife's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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  #5  
January 20th, 2008, 08:37 AM
sephrenia's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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normally I would just skim through this forum but this post made me want to reply so bad lol

It's all true!!!

That's the best giggle I've had in ages!

Thankyou for posting it up

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  #6  
February 5th, 2008, 03:02 PM
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  #7  
February 5th, 2008, 11:39 PM
kmath's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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too cute!
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  #8  
February 6th, 2008, 04:42 PM
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Very cute......and soooo true
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  #9  
February 6th, 2008, 05:07 PM
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very funny...LOL
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  #12  
March 4th, 2008, 08:34 PM
AnneRoseDiapers's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Beckley, WV
Posts: 1,707
too funny. DH and I were both getting a kick out of it.
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<MARQUEE WIDTH="100%" BEHAVIOR="scroll" SCROLLAMOUNT="5" DIRECTION="left"> </MARQUEE>
<MARQUEE WIDTH="100%" BEHAVIOR="scroll" SCROLLAMOUNT="5" DIRECTION="left"></MARQUEE>
<MARQUEE WIDTH="100%" BEHAVIOR="scroll" SCROLLAMOUNT="5" DIRECTION="left"></MARQUEE>
<div align="center">Anne Rose Diapers
CLOTH DIAPERING PRODUCTS FOR YOUR LITTLE ONE!!!!</div>
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  #13  
March 8th, 2008, 08:05 PM
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That is funny and so true.
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