Log In Sign Up

Need some advice about something


Forum: The Mommy Lounge

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To The Mommy Lounge LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
February 1st, 2008, 11:19 PM
Regular
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 97
I have a rule in my house for my 2 older kids aged 12 and 9 to not open their window for many reasons. My daughter is the main one I have to get n because I dont want to risk someone climbing in her window etc. A few days ago, my 9 yr old son opened his bedroom window and I didn't know about it as his curtains covered the window. My 2 youngest boys aged 2 and 3 1/2 usually play in his room because thats where the toys are most days. I keep his room as safe as possible, I keep outlet covers in, etc etc. Anywyas, to my point, I check on my 2 little ones quite often, it got too quiet which usually means they're up to something. I went down the hall and saw my daughters door open so I went there first thinking they were into her stuff. I told her to lock her door if she wants to keep them out of her room because we have a key for it. They weren't in there so I headed for my 9 yrolds room and they weren't in there either. I heard my 2 yr old crying from outside. I went to the window and it was open and there was a stool outside. my 9 yr old had opened the window (against the rules) and didnt close it then he went outside, his friend wanted to listen to my daughters cd player, it was in his room but he didnt want to come in because he knew i would say no. He went to the front porch, got the stool and sat it outside his window to stand on so he could reach in his window and get the radio.

So........ my 2 little ones climbed out the window onto the stool and made their getaway. I found them outside under my neighbors house. It only took seconds for this to happen because I had just checked on them not even five min prior. I was upset with my 9 yr old, I disciplined him and talked with him to explain why I was so upset.......what if they had run out in front of a car and so on. his dad came and got him today, two things he was upset about. First thing was he acted like they were totally unsupervised and it was my fault and our son shouldnt be disciplined. I told him that his room is usualy safe for them and he made it unsafe by opening his window (against the rules) and leaving it open. This has never happened before and now I wnt allow them in there because im afraid now. I know he didnt intend for it to happen but his actions caused a unsafe situation. He has to learn to take responisbilty for his actions. Second thing, his dad was mad because my husband ( my sons stepdad popped him twice with his hand on his bottom only because it endangered his children (my older kids are by my ex and 2 youngest are my hubby's) I tried to explain, its not like he pulled his pants down and used a belt or something, he used his open hand and 2 swats. According to him I was the adult and i was responsible, yes i am the adult but it wasnt like they were completely unsupervised, they were in the next room. He cant keep bailing him out, it teaches him that because hes a child he shouldnt held liable for his actions.

Another example, is my son has gotten into trouble at school and the school disciplined him for his actions. He told another boy he was going to shot him, the school takes this very seriously, I agree that they dont want to take chances esp with the school shootings. his dad didnt think he should have gotten in troble because he was playing. I told him you dont play like that. He also instigated another boy teenaged, he was taunting him and told him to shoot him. He did, he felt my son was asking for it. Even though my son was wrong for what he did i told this teenager he should know better than to shoot anyone with that air pistol, regardless of my son's actions, he should have come to me and tld me not take it into his own hands and risk putting my sons eye out

Bttom line, is it my fault?

Was my son at fault?

should he have been disciplined?.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #2  
February 3rd, 2008, 06:51 PM
arwen2117
Guest
Posts: n/a
I have to say this is a difficult question with no easy answer. From my personal opinion, you were both at fault. Your son is at fault for disobeying the rules and opening the window when he wasn't allowed to do so. At 9, he should know better and did so anyways. But in the end, you are the adult supervising the children and it is your responsibility to make sure their play environment is safe. If you know that your son has the tendency of opening his window even though he is not supposed to you should make the point to check it every time you leave your younger kids in the room. One solution would be to push the curtain out of the way so you can clearly see whether the window is opened or not.

On the disciplining, if it is the standard that your husband discipline all of your children for transgressions in your home, then I see no problem with the swatting. However, if this was done only because your husband's children were in danger and not because it is customary for him to discipline your son, that may be why your ex is having an issue with it. But regardless, discipline was in order, he broke the rules. As for the school and shooting incidents, your ex is not in touch with the realities of today's youth. He is lucky that your child was not suspended or expelled for his comments, some schools have a zero tolerance policy for such things. And as for asking for it, no one asks to be shot or have any other sort physical harm to be done for him and it is perhaps the fact that your ex doesn't take such things seriously that he gets himself into these situations.

Sorry for such a long reply but there was a lot I felt I needed to say. I hope some of it helps.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
February 4th, 2008, 08:35 PM
Regular
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 97
Quote:
I have to say this is a difficult question with no easy answer. From my personal opinion, you were both at fault. Your son is at fault for disobeying the rules and opening the window when he wasn't allowed to do so. At 9, he should know better and did so anyways. But in the end, you are the adult supervising the children and it is your responsibility to make sure their play environment is safe. If you know that your son has the tendency of opening his window even though he is not supposed to you should make the point to check it every time you leave your younger kids in the room. One solution would be to push the curtain out of the way so you can clearly see whether the window is opened or not.

On the disciplining, if it is the standard that your husband discipline all of your children for transgressions in your home, then I see no problem with the swatting. However, if this was done only because your husband's children were in danger and not because it is customary for him to discipline your son, that may be why your ex is having an issue with it. But regardless, discipline was in order, he broke the rules. As for the school and shooting incidents, your ex is not in touch with the realities of today's youth. He is lucky that your child was not suspended or expelled for his comments, some schools have a zero tolerance policy for such things. And as for asking for it, no one asks to be shot or have any other sort physical harm to be done for him and it is perhaps the fact that your ex doesn't take such things seriously that he gets himself into these situations.

Sorry for such a long reply but there was a lot I felt I needed to say. I hope some of it helps.[/b]
this is the first time my son has ever opened his window. My daughter is the one who has done it in the past and I explained to her why she shouldnt do it. I do realize that I do have some fault but my ex is making it sound like I was totally incompetent like I was sleeping or something, which I wasnt. He told my daughter that she and her brother had snuck out of the house when they were little, yes that did happen and I learned to childproof the doors as a result. This has happened to him too so he isnt any better. I was young back then, this is the first time in 10 yrs my kids have gotten away from me. This took me way by surprise because I tend to check everything, I worry about everything, how could I not have heard them climbing out of the window. I realized something was up when it got "too quiet". I usually handle discipline with all my children while I keep my hubby from instilling discipline in my 2 older children, I didnt feel it was his place but in this case, I felt it was his place due to the circumstances. My ex is really angry because of this, never mind he allowed 2 of girlfriends to spank my children and I wasnt "allowed" to say anything about it because I was an "unfit" parent in his eyes. ne of his girlfriends took over, told my kids to call her mommy and they tried to get me to let her legally adopt my daughter and give up my rights because he wanted to marry her and he thought she was more suitable as a mother.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #4  
February 5th, 2008, 04:44 AM
michelle5971's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Northern New York
Posts: 286
Send a message via AIM to michelle5971 Send a message via Yahoo to michelle5971
it is a very hard situation, but I do not think you are to blame. Your older son knew the younger kids play in there and that you keep it safe. He went against the rules by opening the window and then he was careless, like most kids are, and left it open. I do not feel it was your fault
__________________
........Michelle

Loving wife to Jeff

Mom to Brian 19, Rachel 17, Brandon 9 and Jordon 7

Stepmom to Danielle 23, Dallas 14, and Jacob 10





Reply With Quote
  #5  
February 5th, 2008, 09:00 AM
Regular
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 97
Quote:
I have a rule in my house for my 2 older kids aged 12 and 9 to not open their window for many reasons. My daughter is the main one I have to get n because I dont want to risk someone climbing in her window etc. A few days ago, my 9 yr old son opened his bedroom window and I didn't know about it as his curtains covered the window. My 2 youngest boys aged 2 and 3 1/2 usually play in his room because thats where the toys are most days. I keep his room as safe as possible, I keep outlet covers in, etc etc. Anywyas, to my point, I check on my 2 little ones quite often, it got too quiet which usually means they're up to something. I went down the hall and saw my daughters door open so I went there first thinking they were into her stuff. I told her to lock her door if she wants to keep them out of her room because we have a key for it. They weren't in there so I headed for my 9 yrolds room and they weren't in there either. I heard my 2 yr old crying from outside. I went to the window and it was open and there was a stool outside. my 9 yr old had opened the window (against the rules) and didnt close it then he went outside, his friend wanted to listen to my daughters cd player, it was in his room but he didnt want to come in because he knew i would say no. He went to the front porch, got the stool and sat it outside his window to stand on so he could reach in his window and get the radio.

So........ my 2 little ones climbed out the window onto the stool and made their getaway. I found them outside under my neighbors house. It only took seconds for this to happen because I had just checked on them not even five min prior. I was upset with my 9 yr old, I disciplined him and talked with him to explain why I was so upset.......what if they had run out in front of a car and so on. his dad came and got him today, two things he was upset about. First thing was he acted like they were totally unsupervised and it was my fault and our son shouldnt be disciplined. I told him that his room is usualy safe for them and he made it unsafe by opening his window (against the rules) and leaving it open. This has never happened before and now I wnt allow them in there because im afraid now. I know he didnt intend for it to happen but his actions caused a unsafe situation. He has to learn to take responisbilty for his actions. Second thing, his dad was mad because my husband ( my sons stepdad popped him twice with his hand on his bottom only because it endangered his children (my older kids are by my ex and 2 youngest are my hubby's) I tried to explain, its not like he pulled his pants down and used a belt or something, he used his open hand and 2 swats. According to him I was the adult and i was responsible, yes i am the adult but it wasnt like they were completely unsupervised, they were in the next room. He cant keep bailing him out, it teaches him that because hes a child he shouldnt held liable for his actions.

Another example, is my son has gotten into trouble at school and the school disciplined him for his actions. He told another boy he was going to shot him, the school takes this very seriously, I agree that they dont want to take chances esp with the school shootings. his dad didnt think he should have gotten in troble because he was playing. I told him you dont play like that. He also instigated another boy teenaged, he was taunting him and told him to shoot him. He did, he felt my son was asking for it. Even though my son was wrong for what he did i told this teenager he should know better than to shoot anyone with that air pistol, regardless of my son's actions, he should have come to me and tld me not take it into his own hands and risk putting my sons eye out

Bttom line, is it my fault?

Was my son at fault?

should he have been disciplined?.[/b]

You are absolutely right in the regard of his dad not tking things seriously, he downplays everything so i think my son thinks he can do these things because of how his father acts about them. He shouldnt be telling my daughter about past events to make me look like im a bad mother to her. My daughter does acknowledge that her father doesnt take responsibility and he doesnt think my kids should take responsibility for anything eithyer, except for her--he expects the best from her.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #6  
February 5th, 2008, 09:12 AM
Regular
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 97
Quote:
it is a very hard situation, but I do not think you are to blame. Your older son knew the younger kids play in there and that you keep it safe. He went against the rules by opening the window and then he was careless, like most kids are, and left it open. I do not feel it was your fault[/b]
Thank you for that as I dont feel I did anything irresponsible. By being a responsible parent I teach my kids the right things and wrong things. He was the last one I thought would open his window. I have to hawkeye my daughter because she is getting at the act where I have to check on her often for fear she might climb out her wondow like I did when I was her age. Their dad just wont let up, he said that "I" screwed up and will not acknowledge that our son opened the window AND left it open and that those actions could have been disasterous. I told him we both have to be on the same page with our kids, He cant be undermining me and placing blame on me for everything.
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:44 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0