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MIL and I used to get along wonderfully. DH and I have been together for 2 years, are engaged and have one almost 1 year old daughter, with another on the way. I've noticed more and more lately MIL's comments though, towards me, have been getting more and more hurtful, and I don't know where they are coming from. When I told her we were preggies with our second, she didn't say congrads. I asked her not to tell anyone in the family just yet, as it was our news we wanted to share. A week later she came back to tell me she told DH's sister, and she replied "Why are they having another? They can't even afford the first", which isn't true and she wouldn't know since she never calls DH or sees her niece. Then MIL came back to me a couple days later, she had told DH's Aunt. His Aunt apparently replied with "don't they know how to use birth control?". These comments are none the less hurtful, but why is she coming back to tell me these things? And why couldn't she keep her mouth shut? DH and I are happy about our second edition.
I was speaking with MIL a few weeks back, telling her DH and I decided that if I have another c-section, I will get my tubes tied, and if not, he volunteered for a vasectomy. His mom was actually proud that her son 'stepped up' to getting snipped she said. Last week she was driving me to work, and she turns to me and says "Do you remember how you were telling me that DH was thinking about getting a vasectomy?", I was like yeah? she says "well I think you should have your tubes tied either way, because if you and DH ever seperate you will obviously get the kids, but if he meets another woman and wants children with her he won't be able to have any. See you won't need any more kids since you'll already be bringing two into a new relationship, if you have one".
After hearing that, I was livid. Whats worse is the fact that I have been sort of taking it out on DH. Yes I am hurt by that comment, and dang right I'm mad. I asked DH to tell her that really hurt me and ask her to apologize but he won't do it for some reason. Which just makes the comments hurt even more.
What's the politess way I can tell her to shove it and keep her comments in her @ss ?
Wow, see at least my future MIL doesn't really talk to me about anything actually important. She always talks to DF and if she EVER tried to say something remortely like that I think he would have flipped out on her. This is where yoru DH needs to stand up and defend you and your joint decision to have another child and that her comments or her relaying comments from others like that are hurtful.
I don't know why she thinks that you reproductive choices are any of her business whether it's having children or method of birth control. Having your tubes tied is a major surgery (unless of course you have the repeat c/s then it's not any extra hardship on you) where a vasectomy isn't as invasive and a vasectomy is much easier to reverse too! If she ever brings the subject up to you again I would say to her, "Well, if WE decide that WE want another child, then it's not that hard for him to get it reversed!" That ought to put an end to it. You have every right to be upset about what she said. That's just plain rude bad manners!
I just love that when the In-laws either directly or indirectly insinuate that you and your DH will evenutally separate or divorce.
I wouldn't discuss this any further with her, and if she brings it up again, tell her that it's a decision that you and your DH will be discussing and that together you will make the decision that is best for the two of you.
Maybe whenever she makes rude comments like that, instead of engaging her in a conversation about it, just tell her "I'm sorry you feel that way" and drop it? I know, easier said than done when they say things that hurt us.
WE got those comments too... except for the part about splitting up, that's just awful! My kids are 12 months and 29 days apart, so I feel you there! Now 8 months after our 2nd was born, we STILL get comments from people. Seriously, as if our reproductive life was any of their business!! ((HUGS)).
Writer, Navy wife, autistic mom of two autistic kids (E is 6, C is 5).